Effervescence
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: Re-post. A romantic, unconventional approach to courting. Post-game AU. Lightning/Fang.
1. new things

**Disclaimer **– I still don't own Final Fantasy XIII or anything in it.

Effervescence generally means 'sparkly' or 'fizzy'; 'liveliness' or 'clarity'. Soda pop is effervescent.

_**i. **__new things_

_An imbalance, possibly apocalyptic—there was something Fang wasn't catching onto, and she was unsure if her purpose was to catch it now or to let it be. Either way she wasn't able to look past the horizon of blinding light to even see what was coming, so she was content to simply live her life until it was ready to show itself. From that decision alone, she began to see something interesting, but…_

Abruptly woken was not quite sufficient to describe Fang's current irritation, the sleep still in her eyes barely shielding her from the sun's rays of the window next to her. The rays Vanille's body was making on her bed and off of them as she jumped about, the rays her yelling voice was making as they nearly scalded Fang's ears at so early in the morning—it was enough to make Fang grab her housemate by the shoulders, eyes still closed, digging into the girl's shoulders as a warning signal to stop. Vanille did so, unable to contain some sort of laughter Fang found morbidly absurd at the moment from the pain she was no doubt in.

"Wake up, Fang!" sang Vanille over the smooth sounds of the sea just outside. Fang did no such thing and let her hands move to clamp around Vanille's mouth, unfortunately still managing to discern her next words, "You've got some _really _important mail! Come _on _sleepyhead, you have to read it!"

"The mail doesn't run on _Sundays…_" grumbled Fang, rolling over and yanking her black duvet over her head. Vanille pulled at the smooth fabric petulantly, rustling Fang back and forth as she did. "I don't care _who _you are—_no one_ wakes me up from the kind of good dream I was havin'…"

"But you're already awake!" Being so sentient and cheery at dawn was one of Vanille's strong points, but not one that Fang appreciated at the moment. The duvet was finally removed from Fang's head effortlessly and Vanille waved a piece of paper above her closed eyes; the paper smelled vaguely of roses as it was waved about, "You have a letter I really think you should read right this instant!"

"What the hell for…?" Fang snatched the already-open-and-read letter from Vanille's hand, sitting up in her black silk nightgown to look at it properly—the handwriting was very neat and pretty, but the gender who wrote it was still unidentifiable to her. She glanced it over, picking up a few words at intervals to prepare to read it, and it made her eyes widen in a fluttering surprise, "Who sent this…?"

"There wasn't a return address," Vanille frowned sadly, "but you're right—the mail doesn't run on Sundays, so whoever wrote it must live in the area! They left this in our mailbox too!"

Vanille smilingly handed Fang a rose as blue as her sari. The long, bright green stem was devoid of thorns as it sat strong nestled between Fang's slightly trembling digits—this was a wonderful surprise at so early in the morning, but her emotions were working faster than her mind and body could process everything.

"I'll go make breakfast while you read it." Vanille would normally stay around for such an occurrence, wishing to see Fang's every reaction, but Fang was quite happy for the privacy. The courtesy was very welcomed. "Wander to the kitchen whenever you're done so we can talk about it. See you then!"

Fang nodded vaguely as Vanille rolled off her bed and skipped along to the kitchen. Her eyes no longer held any vestiges of sleep, nor did her body; the smell of the rose she placed just under her nose was an unbelievably smooth scent of perfumed velvet that delightfully eradicated her drowsiness. The longer she let the fragrance fill her senses, she slowly began to feel the average hue of red the petals usually were escape to her face. The color wasn't easily visible, but the hints of the shadow of a shade the rose ought to have been still glowed underneath her skin, as warm as the swimming sun reflecting in the water some distance away from her window.

Her still trembling hands, a fine parallel of the motions her heart was making, held the letter after she set the rose down on her lap. Fear was not what was preserving her quivering; the words, especially the one who wrote them, flattered her beyond belief—_literally._

_Fang,_

_You already know you're impossibly beautiful and worthy of everything anyone has to bestow upon you, but I know no one's ever told you or shown you just how much. I can certainly begin to describe it for you, but I want you to think about it first—to really contemplate it in anticipation of the next time I do tell you. _

_I have so many other things I wish I could tell you. How I feel about you, how I think of you; the way you always make me feel whenever you're nearby. I care about you so much to the point where I'll get better at writing love letters, for you; to flatter you. I'd always been somewhat against trying new things for a while, up until now. Until I realized so painfully how much I'm missing in my life by not waking up next to you every morning, holding you, keeping you protected…_

_I know you don't need protecting—you're no damsel in distress. But I know you do get flattered. In fact I know I'm flattering you now. Obsequious, it would certainly be for you, to at least know that there's someone out there that cares for you the way I do, who would give anything for the courage to tell you all of this in person. My courage is in my actions, and I want to show you my strength, but not just my physical one or that of my character. _

_Ever since I accepted my feelings, I've grown stronger to be able to go past my limits. I've improved in preparation for this day; advanced in every way possible, in ways I'd never imagined before you. You're strong and you know what you want, and I want to be a source of strength for you. I want to give you exactly what it is you want. And I'll do it, starting today, even if you won't be able to tell. I want you but I won't take you unless you give me enough permission. _

_And you always make me want to smile, even though I never do. _

_Lightning._

The storm of footsteps coming down the hall were no doubt startling Vanille, but Fang was far too emotional to give any regard for that. When she arrived in the kitchen and found Vanille standing before her with two plates in hand, ready to fill them with food, part of her wanted to know why her adoptive sister failed to tell her the most important part of the letter's contents.

"Fang…?" Vanille started carefully, smartly setting the plates down on the counter. "Are you all right? You look so…silently expressive, or something…"

"Vanille…" Fang took a profound breath, looking down briefly at the letter she had in one hand and the rose in the other. "You said there was no return address…"

"That's right…" Vanille nodded; Fang handed her the letter for her to glance at. A budding silence between them was enough to tell Fang that Vanille really didn't see the _name _in question that was causing her so much confusion. "Whoever wrote this…I think they're really sweet. I like the promise they make of sending you more letters."

"What's the last word you see on the page there?" Fang asked, running a finger along the stem of her rose.

"Umm… 'permission'." Vanille handed the letter back to her, blinking blankly. "Why, is there something I'm not catching?"

"Hmm…" If Lightning wrote this, then she surely used some type of magic on it to keep her identity hidden from prying eyes. And if this was merely a farce, she didn't want Vanille to even have a reason to suspect otherwise—Fang knew what Vanille could do with that kind of information. The last thing Fang needed was Vanille suspecting she had gone senile had she chosen to argue either point. "No, I'm just thinkin' about who could've written it… C'mon, let's talk about it over the food. I'm starving."

Deeply distracted described Fang's demeanor as she and Vanille were out shopping later in the day at the mall. They were supposed to be searching for a gift to purchase for Snow and Serah's housewarming party—the two had purchased a new four bedroom house in preparation for their wedding in a little less than two months' time. It was to be held on Lightning's birthday of all days; Lightning who had just recently achieved the rank of Lieutenant. The party was also for her in a sense. She would be there.

Fang was barely following Vanille around the store they were in to find some furnishing item to purchase for the soon-to-be-wed couple. She was able enough to make formless comments on whatever was picked out, but that was the extent of it all. Her adoptive sister knew quite well that the letter was on her mind, yet she knew nothing of the last few lines on the paper still held in Fang's hands that was troubling her so. Fang would normally be blasé about someone expressing themselves to her; she would acknowledge it, only say it was sweet and kind of them…but not when it was possibly _Lightning, _of all people. Lightning Farron who seemed the type to hold in any expression she may have; expressing it didn't seem like her at all…then again, Fang didn't know her very well to begin with.

Being worthy of Lightning's expressions was expressly expressive in an of itself. Fang felt that same flattered flush to her face in wondering of Lightning's reasons behind all this, _if _it had even been Farron that had written those words for her. She didn't know which would surprise her more—if Lightning had actually sent the letter or if it was a prank someone was pulling, in which case she would wonder why the prank was being pulled. It was all terribly baffling but Fang rather liked the challenge in lining up the facts and figuring out the most probable outcome. Seeing Lightning's behavior tonight would certainly help.

And then Fang would wonder about that aspect of the day. If Lightning had been holding in her feelings all this time, there would be nothing to observe tonight—she would likely be the same as always. Fang decided that she would simply have to pay a little more attention to Farron tonight if that was the case.

It was to be expected that Snow and Serah would have such a large home; Fang remembered very clearly how the man would always go on about wanting a big, happy family. They had a bright, spacious home, with furniture and hallways that reminded her of Hope's apartment. As she sat among everyone in the sitting room, she could see a very large backyard near the kitchen. Snow had explained that one of the four bedrooms was obviously for him and Serah, one for their first child, a guest room, and a room for Lightning for whenever she decided to spend the night or visit.

The Lieutenant in question was currently standing, peering about the fireplace alone, observing the knick-knacks and possibly looking for fingerprints or any other impurities on the objects. Her shoulder-plate now shone with vibrant blue lines as opposed to the yellow of before. Vanille was at the center of the rest of the group as they all sat—Serah, Snow, Sazh, Dajh, Hope, Bartholomew, and the NORA gang—telling them of Fang's new secret admirer. Fang was merely sitting between Hope and Dajh, a faint smile on her face; Vanille and the others kept referring to this person as though they were male. She was also smiling slightly at the baby chocobo Dajh held in his hands—both of them were apparently very enraptured by her love life for some reason or another as they sat and listened to her sister.

"I'm not surprised," Snow laughed, "a woman like you, Fang—you're obviously gonna have guys all over you no matter where you go!"

"Obviously," Serah rolled her eyes, smiling at Fang.

"So is it someone we know?" Hope asked her, a smile on his face. Fang felt the need to pat him atop his head for his perception but thought against it. "He slipped the letter and rose in your mailbox, so he knows where you live."

"Unless he's stalking you…" Lebreau had no idea how wrong she could possibly be. Lightning would never resort to stalking. She already knew where Fang lived, anyway.

"Hey, can we go ahead and eat dinner yet?" Sazh asked with a frown, rubbing his stomach, "I've been preparing for this meal all day you know."

"Wait a minute!" Vanille stopped everything and turned to Lightning, who had a hand against the cold brick of the chimney, leaning on it while civilly examining a picture of Snow and Serah. "Lightning!" The Lieutenant stood properly and leisurely turned to face her, looking flaccid. "Why haven't you shown interest in all this? You'd certainly be able to figure out who he is!"

"I would?" Light raised an unconvinced eyebrow. Fang wondered if she could tell how often she'd been studying her that night so far. "Last time I checked I'm not a psychic."

"Yes but you've always been the brains of our operations," Vanille reasoned, appearing frank. Lightning pursed her lips ever-so-slightly. "Won't you help us? This is important!"

Light continued to stare down at her in silent skepticism. When the girl provided no further defense of her case, Lightning gracefully took her leave to the kitchen, mumbling something about the oven. Everyone followed after her ceremoniously to the dining room, thinking nothing of her behavior, talking animatedly about the prospect of eating. Serah went off to bring the food out while everyone slowly began to sit down. Vanille looked rather put out, however.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Fang nudged her with a smile; she knew good and well what the problem was. Vanille pouted silently and shook her head. "Now, now—you know how she's like. No need to get all upset. I'm sure she meant no harm; she just doesn't care about all this."

"But how could she not?" Vanille appeared convinced of Lightning meaning no harm, but she still wanted to continue speaking on the matter. "It's easily the most that's going on these days. All we ever sit around and talk about is the wedding. And even _then_ she never says anything."

"Well, she barely approves of it…" muttered Fang, casting a sidelong glance at Snow laughing uproariously while keeping Yuj in a headlock for some reason or another. She shook her head and watched Light emerge from the kitchen. "Don't worry about her, Vanille. Just let her be."

Fang kept her amused eyes on Lightning, watching her sit at one of the ends of the table while Hope's father took the other. Serah sat on Lightning's right, with Snow next to her followed by the rest of his team. She allowed Dajh to take the open seat on Light's left, with Sazh next to him. Vanille took the seat next to Hope, and Fang sat next to her. She smiled at the baby chocobo flying into Sazh's afro before joining everyone else in filling their plates. Vanille was soon engaged in conversation with Hope, smiling.

While she ate her seafood, Fang felt unusually happy. The wonderfully cooked food certainly helped with her mood, but it was by no means the only constituent of her situation. She watched Lightning openly as she ate her breaded shrimp; watched her eat each piece in three evenly-sized bites, never sucking on the tail, unlike some people at the table. The way she squeezed her lemons over her food was controlled, with the most insubstantial hints of circumspection, as though she had had a mishap with squeezing lemon juice in her eyes before or some such.

Lightning would curiously only ever look up from her plate to watch Serah and Snow interact with each other. She appeared passive, not protective or possessive at all, as her eyes carefully glanced between them. Neither ever appeared to notice when they were being watched, and thus never commented on it. Fang tilted her head at Light's attentiveness to the couple; how she always managed to slither her gaze to them at the exact second they became too distracted to notice anything around them.

When Hope began speaking with his father for a brief moment, Vanille turned to whisper in Fang's ear, "So are you going to find out who the guy is?" Fang regarded her, keeping the briefest of her periphery open to watch for Light possibly sneaking a glance at her. "I think you should! I'm sure he'll give more clues over time! Ohh I wonder who it could be…"

Just as Fang was about to make some excuse about wanting to play everything by ear, she saw a speck of yellow in the corners of her eyes and followed it. Her mouth hung open slightly as she watched the baby chocobo fly from Sazh's hair and atop Lightning's head. It promptly curled up and went back to sleep, garnering the stunned attention of everyone _but _Light—she merely continued to eat without any regard for the chocobo on her head. If that wasn't a way of perhaps answering Vanille's question, she didn't know what was.

Bartholomew was the one to break the silence, "So Snow, Serah—the food is excellent. Might I ask who cooked?"

"Oh!" Serah brightened considerably, "It was actually my sister who cooked. She says she's been practicing, and I definitely believe her now!"

Well no one seemed to believe _her_, Fang included. Culinary skills also seemed to be something that would elude Lightning, but, again, Fang didn't know her very well, and it was beginning to bother her.

"Did you really, Light?" asked Hope, also looking rather incredulous. Lightning merely nodded lightly without glancing at him, still eating; the chocobo perched atop her head still remained dormant.

Fang cocked an eyebrow at her and spoke up. "If you don't mind my askin', what exactly made you wanna learn? This is pretty good stuff, Lieutenant."

Lightning gently held her napkin in her hands, looking directly at Fang while she unhurriedly brought the light cloth over her mouth. Her clear-cut eyes belied whatever expression her mouth may have had—they seemed to be scowling at her. Fang had to keep from smirking at Light's composed answer from behind her napkin:

"I like trying new things."

Some minutes after dinner ended, Fang was walking up the stairs to go visit someone. Vanille had gone to help Serah clean and put everything away. Hope, Bartholomew, Sazh and Dajh had left almost right after dinner. Snow was busy talking with Gadot and the others. Fang was feeling rather forlorn and had decided against partaking in cleaning or guy chat, Lebreau's gender aside, and decided to go speak with Lightning who was undoubtedly in her room alone. When the smell of polish reached her nose as she neared one of the rooms, she followed it without any deliberation.

As she stood in the doorway of her destination, arms crossed, she watched Light sit upon her bed in her undecorated room, polishing her Lionheart on her lap. Lightning was sitting on the side of her bed closest to the door, facing the door, and certainly having noticed Fang standing there and observing her.

"Can I help you?" asked Light amicably, eyes still concentrating on her task.

"You certainly can by allowing me to come into your room."

"Nothing's stopping you," Lightning shrugged, glancing at her in slight question. Fang also shrugged, a soft smile on her lips while she sat down next to Light. Not _directly, _but not too much distance was between them. A slow silence passed between them; Fang could sensibly see the stillness swimming past her as leisurely as Farron's hand worked along her prized gunblade. Lightning just decided to get to the point: "I saw you staring at me all night."

"I saw you tryin' not to stare back at me all night," Fang countered, watching her with curious eyes. She didn't see the point in beating around the bush about it, and she knew Lightning didn't either if she brought this fact up so soon. "Might I ask why you never asked _me _what my problem was?"

"I don't know." Lightning stood to place her materials and gunblade upon her white dresser, stopping to stare at Fang's reflection in her mirror. Her regard was indiscernible. "I just figured you'd tell me on your own eventually. Didn't want to make it seem like I cared."

Fang was surprised by her second response. "Now why would you try and do a thing like that?"

"I didn't want to bother you by caring." Lightning sounded somewhat humble. Fang licked the outer rim of her teeth with her mouth closed, narrowing her eyes slightly in interest. "People tend to say more than they mean to with their actions as opposed to words. I didn't want to possibly bother you over nothing."

"Well I guess that means we just don't know each other very well," Fang finally concluded to Light. A gradual nod was her answer. "You said you like tryin' new things, so how 'bout we fix that?"

"How?" Lightning turned around with a hand on her hip, seeming involved enough.

"I dunno…" Fang fibbed; she wanted to see what Farron would suggest. "What do _you_ think we should do about this?"

"Hang out more?" Lightning shrugged once again. Fang gave her a look that told her to continue. "I have weekends off…we can go out Saturday around evening time to the mall. I'm sure you like shopping."

Fang was very much tempted to make a remark about Lightning asking her out, but thought against it, "Yeah, I'd like that actually. Haven't gone shopping for myself in ages! Besides, maybe you can help me find the guy who wrote me that love letter."

"Sounds good." Lightning never missed a beat, and Fang was impressed. "I'll pick you up at five sharp."

"Sounds good," Fang repeated, leaning back with her arms stretched out behind her, swinging her legs absently.


	2. stolen

_**ii. **__stolen_

_There was a whisper in the wind from the west, speaking to Fang without words, wishing for release of its sobriety. A step had been taken—a small hurdle over and around a tree of discontinuity—taken and given to Fang in hopes of wrapping around her, filling her with the promise of more progress to come._

A silk of black night wrapped loosely about Fang's form shifted with the small swinging of her hips as she ambled absently about, a new letter in hand; she was slowly pacing about her moonlit living room that rainy mid-week night, a glass of tea in hand that was in contact with her lips as she sipped leisurely. A heady haze as unfathomable as the words upon the softly perfumed paper was surrounding her, controlling her; stilling her mind. The roving of the mist across her face left a faraway smile and look in her eyes, proof enough that the author of these letters was getting somewhere with her—that and the tea in her throat was beginning to taste of someone.

The unexpected quality to it all had Fang deeply intrigued. Never having anticipated such a show of affections towards her was but one of the many entries in her mental journal of this journey thus far. This person—Lightning, maybe, possibly; _definitely_—had improved tremendously in mere days. Vanille hadn't gotten her hands on this letter, and she was thankfully asleep at the present time, allowing Fang her private time to mull her expressive gift over on her own.

_Sometimes I wonder how I never give myself away when I'm around you. Your air, your presence; the smolder of your exoticism and perspicacity pulls me to you, unrelenting, never letting me go—forever making me inundate into you. When that happens, I forget where and when I am, or even which of your flames it was that swallowed me. Maybe it was your smirk, your grin; the sin you commit of wearing such revealing, beautiful garbs and jewelry. Your body in its shape and color and splendor soak and dissolve the rest of the world from me in an everlasting storm, so that I may never know whether if it's dark or dawning and to only know your existence._

_Inside of you, my skin sticks to the red of your blood that keeps your animate; keeps you abounding with life. That redness is the same I always have to hide whenever I hear but one sound escape your full lips. I dance with the temptation, I wrestle with the inducement; I coil my ankles around the possibility, wanting your legs wrapped around me. I think of so many situations that I can't have, and your revenge of obliviousness is played across my face, keeping me from smiling. I pray in vain, hearing you laugh at something someone else has said, and somehow a thirst is soothed._

_That obliviousness hurts me and my destiny—it's a possession that devours me, twists and turns me into a lusting soul wishing for control of your every strength, to refine them; to bathe them in my warmth I save for you, helping you to be all the stronger. Whenever I see you alone, single; without you on my arm, it pains me to see that you don't have on me the power I owe you. One of us is the more powerful, but I will allow it to be you if I could but foster that vigor for you every night while you relax and let me take control. But how do I tell this to you in person? How do I tell anyone, to what, to whom I belong to, when belonging to you is the challenge I must overcome first?_

_Your body doesn't belong to me yet—it will, I promise you this. And if my lusting soul will leave me to capture you, let it fill you with the inception of what is to come: belonging to me._

_Always yours,_

_Lightning._

Fang leaned back against the cool glass door leading to her veranda overlooking the beach, smiling dotingly up at the stilled wooden ceiling fan with the letter clasped to her roused chest. There was a severe absence of sufficient air in her lungs that she found invigorating; the happening being due to such affection being hidden and constricted for so long within Light's heart. Her chest was ravaging with hints of Lightning's inner turmoil, very much feeling exactly why she was choosing to finally express herself—if her current bliss mirrored the pain she experienced, then it was easily unbearable. She almost didn't know whether to call Light up now and talk to her about everything or to allow her to keep the reigns she had so artfully created in mere days so far.

A strange sound shook her from her thoughts, and Fang turned her head about, trying to discern from where it had emanated. A second utterance made her realize it was outside, and a reasonable distance away, but it still bothered her. It sounded like distant gunfire and general battle resonances, now joined with voices and pained cries of monsters. Her brows furrowed slightly as she pushed herself from the glass door and moved to the bar, setting her cup and letter down on the cold surface. The sounds slowly began to grow louder still, and she was about to hurry to her room to collect Kain's Lance when a laconic knock sounded against her door. She went to go answer it immediately in her surprise, finding yet another shock to pour over her as she watched the torrential rain pour down on this one.

"Good evening, Fang." Lieutenant Farron gave a salute to the staggered Fang, who gave a sluggish, awkward salute in return. The soldier got straight to business, "Guardian Corps protocol calls me to inform you of the commotion in your area. There's a rather minor assault of marine monsters down the way due to the thunderstorm, and it's being taken care of as quickly as possible. It is our problem and sole responsibility, so please don't feel tempted to provide assistance."

"Oh…um, sure, all right," Fang nodded, feeling baffled and somewhat winded. Lightning's eyes were finely chiseled and glowing in the dark moonlight as she stood underneath the downpour. She looked unperturbed and professional. It was…quite venerable, really. "Thank you for, ah, letting me know…I was wonderin' what all the noise was."

"It's being taken care of," repeated Lightning, just as formally. Fang winced in some erroneous effort at a smile, nodding in accord before something dawned upon her.

"Hold on a sec…I never remembered you bein' in charge of this area before," she recalled, watching Light carefully. "Since when was this part of Bodhum under your jurisdiction?"

"My post was changed when I was promoted," Lightning explained simply. Fang nodded once again. "At any rate, I'll be here with my men keeping the area—and you—protected, so you don't need to worry." Farron gave a parting salute and Fang again imitated her, a little better this time. "Please stay inside, and have a good night."

Lightning had turned to dash back down the walkway to the street to meet her large group of approaching subordinates before Fang could give a reply. She watched the Lieutenant stop to draw her Lionheart, using it to point to their destination while shouting orders and words of encouragement over the storm. She then led her men towards the scene, running at an remarkable speed; the determination she held was impressive, enough to make Fang smile in her wake, watching her disappear behind the foggy horizon in the far distance.

"You have a good night too, Sunshine…" murmured Fang fondly, sighing the same way as she closed the door. She could practically hear the clashing of Lightning's gunblade against an opponent, hear the traction of her boots as she traversed dexterously the rainy ground; see the sweat trailing down her forehead and meeting the rain. It was nothing short of soothing and, dare she say it, sycophantic.

Saturday evening arrived, and Lightning and Fang were at the mall, as planned; Light had been absurdly punctual and polite about the outing, making sure to open and close Fang's door as she entered and exited her dark chrome sedan. It was highly sweet of Light to start doing such things for her, and she saw the smiles it elicited from her friend. Fang was somewhat surprised that Light was being fairly obvious about everything, and there was an intractable curiosity she had with seeing how she would behave without any mention of the letters.

She liked taking all of this slowly, and apparently, so did Lightning.

"Ohh, d'you think _he _might be the guy?" asked Fang, grinning slightly as she prodded Light and nodded in the general direction of a man who was staring at them both. "I remember seein' him at the café a few times. He's kinda cute, too…"

"No, I don't think so." Lightning shook her head. They were merely wandering aimlessly about the strip of stores filled with people, walking rather close together. Fang kept pointing out familiar men and whispering in Light's ear similar inquiries. "Why don't you just go up to any of these guys and ask them yourself?"

"Nah, that'd kill the fun in guessing." Fang waved a dismissive hand, ending her pretend-search and looking about the stores they were passing at a rather slow pace. She half expected Light to demand they pick up the pace, but she seemed untroubled by their speed. "Besides…I doubt any of these blokes would have the brains to be able to write the kind of quality I've gotten so far. I've been around a _long_ time, and I swear I've never read such…" She trailed off, making them come to a stop, trying with extreme difficulty to not look at Lightning for any kind of reaction. It wasn't working.

"What?" Light appeared mildly interested; still nonchalant. It was simply impeccable of her. "Fang…?"

"Heeeeyyy!" Snow. Serah. Fang finally saw a flash of an emotion across Lightning's face, however fleeting it may have been—sheer annoyance—and had to keep from smirking. "Well, looky here!" Snow and his fiancée honestly had impeccable timing, however inconvenient it may have been; the inconvenience was what kept a friendly smile on Fang's face as she nudged Light to acknowledge the man, or at least her sister. "What are you two up to?"

"Oh, you know, the usual mischief and lollygagging," Fang commented airily, putting her hands on her hips briskly while she looked between the smiling pair. They were a wonderful contrast to Light's silently angry mood, she had to admit. "But really, me and Light are just out shopping. Bonding time or what have you."

"Mind if we join you?" Snow still wasn't getting the hint—he likely took Lightning's silence as a sign that she was perfectly fine. Fang almost felt sorry for him. "Serah was just saying she'd like some new dresses for when we go out."

"Yeah, if you'd like the company," Serah started, also making the same mistake as Snow, "we can pick out some dresses together and try them on." She gestured to the store next to them, "We were about to go in here. So what d'you say?"

"I say why not!" Fang smiled broadly, patting Light on the back and guiding her in the store with the unseen force of five average men as Snow and Serah entered the bright women's clothing store with them—Farron was quite resolute about _not _spending time with anyone other than Fang, but it couldn't be helped. She would just have to learn how to _share_. "Fancy findin' you two here, though, I gotta admit. You just get here?"

"Yep!" Serah nodded as she scanned the rather quiet building for the dress section, weaving through the middling amount of women looking through the racks. "Fang, are you looking for any dresses to wear?"

"Yeah, actually, that's not a bad idea." Fang's smile was still present on her face while she took a deep breath, smelling that familiar smell of unworn fabrics among the varied perfumes of the women they passed. Snow looked extremely out-of-place while he followed after them, smiling, completely ignorant of the leer Lightning was giving him. "Hey Lightning, what about you?"

"She wouldn't be caught dead in a dress," Serah answered for her, shaking her head. Fang chuckled with Snow and made a mental note of the information. "And she's no help picking out clothes for anyone, either… Hey Snow? Why don't you take her with you to the dressing rooms and sit down while you wait for us? You can be our audience while we try on whatever we pick out."

"Sure." Snow was still extremely unmindful of Lightning's emergent rage. When Fang turned to give her a reassuring smile and nod before continuing on with Serah, Light seemed much more composed all of a sudden. "C'mon Sis, the rooms are over this way!"

"I'm not your sister," Lightning shook her head while Snow directed her away.

"You can only keep saying that for a few more weeks, y'know! Once you're twenty-two, that's it!"

"Those two," Serah laughed, looking up at the mannequins on the wall, "it's always so funny that Snow never thinks anything of her moodiness whenever he's around. He's convinced that they're the best of friends."

"Yeah well," Fang started, eyeing a red cocktail dress before going to inspect it some more, "I think Light's lack of violence towards him these days is a sign that they're great pals."

"And what about you, Fang?" Serah sounded a little too chipper in her inquiry. Fang stopped to look over at her a few racks away. "I never thought I'd see you two hanging out at the mall together. Doesn't seem like something my sister would do with anyone, even me."

"Well, your sister said she likes trying new things now."

"Hmm, I know. It's just kind of funny, I guess."

"What's funny about Lightning wanting to hang out with me?"

"I asked her exactly a week ago if she'd come here shopping with me, without Snow. She said no without any explanation."

"So what are you trying to say?" Fang was already starting to run out of reasons to believe otherwise on whether Lightning was really writing to her. Still, Light was taking her time with all of this, and Fang wouldn't press her—she would wait until Lightning wanted to discuss everything.

"Nothing, really. Forget I mentioned it."

The dressing rooms were as bright as the rest of the store, with white stalls above a bright blue carpet that Fang could feel underneath her bare feet. Lightning and Snow were sitting on chairs directly outside her and Serah's rooms that were adjacent to one another, and her mind automatically began to ponder whether or not her feet and ankles were being watched by a particular person of the two outside. Part of her did feel a rather warm draft in the room while she observed herself in the mirror, turning her hips and shoulders about to get a better look at herself.

Fang clearly had a thing for blue and black. She had to force herself to not pick out a blue dress to try on, and had instead indulged in a black one, a red one, and a white one. The white one was currently hugging her form as gently as a child, smoothing along her every nuance akin to a very interested stranger. The odd analogy was fitting because she felt so foreign in such a light color. The dress was sleeveless and barely came to her knees, and her chest only barely managed to fit in the fabric, and she could hardly breathe, but she knew the dress looked good on her. It was just odd wearing something other than her sari for once.

"Alright you two!" Snow laughed, "Come on out, whether you're wearing anything or not! Let's have a look!"

A self-conscious sigh left Fang before she heard Serah exit her room; Snow's reaction was beyond amazed, and it made her tense up somewhat. She knew she was being silly with everything, but then she thought of how Lightning must have felt, stepping out of her comfort zone. That coupled with Snow's subsequent request for Fang's emergence was enough to dismiss her embarrassment for the moment as she did as she was asked.

"Holy _shi_—"

"Snow!"

Fang was taken aback by the over-zealous reaction she had gotten from Serah's fiancée, and she stared at him staring right back at her. Serah was also equally astonished, in her own ways. Neither of them could compare to the third member of her audience.

Lightning had her legs and arms crossed as she sat directly in front of her, looking up and directly into her silently shocked gaze with a small scowl. Fang had no idea if Light's silence was a sign that she was containing several comments and expressions in a glass jar of her emotions, or if she honestly had nothing to note about her new appearance. But the longer Lightning went without even batting an eye, Fang was ready to go with the latter idea. She soon turned back around and into the room, shutting the door before getting out of the dress at a slow enough pace to not seem frantic to anyone who may have been watching her ankles again.

The red cocktail dress also garnered no reaction from Lightning and an abundance of reactions from Serah and Snow; Fang was remiss to the reasons why it bothered her so while she was removing the thing. She hadn't really been able to breathe in that one either, and perhaps Lightning had noticed. This sated Fang somewhat while she observed herself in the final, and most expensive, dress of the three she had chosen.

Black would always suit her, it seemed, and she could actually breathe in this one. The V-neck of the dress was low, but not low enough to seem sleazy to the observer. The velvet-smooth fabric pooled to her feet, gliding the floor behind her; she deduced that heels were an absolute necessity to keep the dress from dragging too much. After inhaling deeply, trying to imagine Lightning's reaction this time while she absently smoothed her hands along her waist, she turned carefully to open her door and see the product of her decision to try on such a different dress.

Snow nor Serah had anything to say—they only stared quietly, their expressions speaking for them. Not that Fang had really glanced at them for more than a second; there were more pressing matters to be observed.

Lightning had stood up. She still had her arms crossed, but she was circling Fang, slowly, her eyes meeting every square inch of the fabric, seeing all that bequeathed the black. Fang amused herself with a hand on her hip, thinking she could hear several meters going off in Light's head, measuring everything there was to measure about her body and how the dress fit her. Lightning also moved to put a hand on her hip, finally stopping right in front of her; Fang had narrowed her eyes, trying to not squint while looking for some semblance of a reaction, but she found none there. When Light moved to stand next to her and hooked their bent arms together so that she was holding Fang's, she about wanted to make her start talking right then and there about all of this anonymity business.

"She looks beautiful," Lightning said smoothly, regarding Snow and Serah with the faintest traces of a smile, "doesn't she?"

It took them a while, but both Serah and Snow were able to give her a very distracted yes before she let go of Fang's arm and sat back down, not even sparing any of them a second glance. Fang merely chuckled and shook her head at Light before going back in the room to change into her sari.

Light stood with Fang at the register, arms crossed, watching the clerk make small talk with Fang while she rang up the black dress. It was true that Fang hadn't gone shopping for herself in a long time, and she felt nice from having gotten such a reaction out of Lightning from something so simple as a dress. She smiled while pulling out her card to pay for the dress, thinking of the occasions to wear it for, but before the clerk could take the card, Lightning took it upon herself to snatch it from Fang's hand and give the confused clerk her own card. Fang was about to protest but Light leaned in to whisper in her ear while the woman behind the register made no comment and charged her card:

"That card was obviously stolen, Fang. I can't just let you use that—they could trace it back to you."

"It wasn't…" Fang shut her mouth, recalling the days she and Vanille had first arrived on Cocoon—the two had had lunch with two men whom she'd found suspicious. She had beat them up and taken one of their cards while Vanille took the other. "Okay," she laughed, rubbing the back of her head, "you got me… Now how can I make it up to you?"

"Hm." Lightning took the bag for her, the two of them leaving to join Serah and Snow to go shoe shopping. Fang couldn't find it in her to object. "I'll have to think about it."


	3. patrolling

_**iii. **__patrolling_

_As gently as the playing of foreign strings were visible the growing collection of affections, despite the coldness of the one to whom they were confined. Breaking free, slowly; caressingly as though they had no boundaries was what Fang could see before her, the contours confidently blossoming in the form of webs and luminosity. _

Sunday of the following week on the pasture beside a flowing riverbank reclined Vanille and Fang in the softly retreating sunlight of the fading afternoon—the two were enjoying a weekly fishing ritual as they spoke aimlessly of the events in their lives as of late. The occasional sounds of reeling lines and fish stubbornly flailing along the water's edge joined their conversation; the cooler of their bounty was nearly full, but the two continued enjoying their jaunt regardless, paying no mind of the passing time they were serenely residing in.

A contented exhale left Fang after breathing in the crisp fragrance of foliage about her; hearing the faint sounds of insects and birds that so amplified her tranquil air was a peaceful escape from Bodhum. The sun steadily pasting a coat of sweat and other warmths along her body was refreshing, as was her company, but she still felt something was remiss about her day. The two were in a rare silence at the moment after having spoken of the approaching wedding for a fair few minutes. There had been something else Fang was still keeping to herself, and the secret was bothering her for some time now. Vanille was her confidant—she deserved to know.

"So how are things with Lightning?" And when Vanille went and inquired such things, Fang began to wonder if she really _did _know. "You two've been spending an awful lot of time together lately. I admit I'm still a little surprised by it."

"Yeah, I'm surprised too, I guess." Fang ran an unsure hand through her perspiring scalp, feeling the desiccated heat along her eyes soften somewhat as she blinked rapidly with a sigh. "Lightning's still her same old guarded self, but I get the feeling she's.. opening up, with me…somehow."

"Ohh that's so good to hear." A soft smile spread across Vanille's damp face. Fang chuckled in an equally placid amusement, wondering how she would react to hearing something else. "I've told you how much Serah talks about her to me whenever we go to visit her and Snow. I just feel bad not knowing much about her myself, you know? I wish I did…"

"How come?" Fang asked, swirling an absent pattern along the grass between them with her nail, trying to appear indifferent. Depending on the answer she received, she figured she would either finally tell Vanille about everything or continue to keep her silence.

"Hmm…well, she's so…_cool_." Vanille appeared as though she hadn't meant to use that word. Fang smiled at the double-entendre of the statement nonetheless. "Like…she's so untouchable…and she'll only open up to whom she pleases." Another, similar smile for very similar reasons swelled along Fang's glistening face—again, Vanille seemed to be giving her a look that said she hadn't intended to use such a word. "Okay, honestly Fang? What is it? I've made two mistakes in a row and you look like you agree with me completely!"

"Mmm…" A final sigh left her; the last one she would exude with such special information reserved to only her knowledge. "I think Lightning's the one who's been writing to me."

Birds flew from their spots perched among the trees in response to Vanille's strident, shocked silence. Fang carefully withdrew her line, and Vanille's, to avoid any interruptions during her explanation. The two were soon on their sides, facing each other, letting the grass along the side of their faces cool them off in the rising zephyr while Fang explained of the magic being used on the letters. The Lieutenant's typical behavior and new mannerisms were also mentioned; what they spoke of as friends getting to know one another, how they spent their time at the café and the mall and Snow and Serah's home.

As she finished, she contemplated the meaning behind Vanille's surprised expression. She was too thrown to comment; as though all of Fang's evident adulation from Lightning's novelty had clipped her vocal cords, and tied them into small butterfly knots with the intensity of the aridness amid them joined with the intermittent, brusque breezes.

Fang supposed she ought to complete her story with a few more anecdotes, "I never did say how all of this makes me feel, huh?" Her backside met the grass with a soft clout; she stretched minimally, letting out yet another sigh. The quiet anticipation she could feel from Vanille kept a grin on her face as she spoke over the flowing river, "Suffice to say I like it. All of it. _That _much oughtta be obvious. I never pictured ol' Light as the charmer, but she had me fooled…she's charmed me all right, but I can't quite say how. Not yet… I like how she treats me, how she's letting us get closer. I always knew her to be the type to be closed off to the world except for certain special individuals. It's _really_ nice to know that I'm one of them…"

"You said…" Vanille sounded meek; careful, "you said, she's very good at expressing herself in writing, but not in person… Are you quite sure of that?"

"Hm?" Fang tilted her head to one side as Vanille sat up, looking over at the darkening horizon. She appeared deep in thought—clearly mystified by everything. "Her writing is loads better than anything I've ever read, and yet she's always so stoic around me. Talk about a direct contrast..."

"No…I don't think so. Serah mentioned something to me while she was trying on wedding dresses yesterday, when you and Lightning were hanging out. She said her sister likes planning things. Lightning catches onto every little detail of whatever she sets herself to do. She's a calculating person."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"In your case, I don't think so." That familiar smile finally returned to Vanille's face, "I suppose you're right when you say Lightning hasn't said anything because she might be shy. That and it's my fault she thinks you've no clue it's you who's writing to her. One can only keep something like this up for so long, though.."

"So you promise you're not gonna go gossipin' to anyone about this? Not even Hope or Serah?" Fang squinted to keep the sunlight from drying her eyes too much while Vanille nodded automatically. "Right, then…that's a good girl. The last thing Light needs is anyone proddin' her about all this. She trusts me…and I kinda feel like I'd be betrayin' her if I told anyone other than you about this. She uses that magic on her letters for a reason…"

"I understand, Fang, so don't worry. I won't tell anybody, promise… But, speaking of her letters…" Vanille brightened even more at the change of subject, "when's the last time you checked the mail?"

"I haven't—I usually always leave it up to you to…check for me…"

Fang and Vanille continued to stare at one another in silence for mere seconds before hurriedly gathering all of their supplies and rushing to their car to drive back home. The mail still didn't run on Sundays, but they knew better.

_It bothers me that I never quite know what to say around you. The depths that my sentiments span for you feel infinite, as unbounded as your personality betrays who you are completely while mine doesn't. You know who you are and you show it off without being showy; you understand yourself and your likes and dislikes very clearly, and yet you never come off as cocky. Not necessarily in a bad way, I mean. Your sense of self is as strong as you are, physically, and it reminds me of how hard I've struggled to find myself and what I stand for. Even now, I still don't know. Besides you…I have no clue what it is I really, truly want._

_I can't stand not knowing what to say in any given situation. Yet there's a stubborn part of me that enjoys being silent, because then I get to hear you speak more. I get to see you, watch you, understand you more with each passing moment… It's what I've been doing all this time—getting to know you without __knowing__ you—and it's been wonderful, until now. I feel a force against my tenacity, urging me to move my countenance closer and closer to you, to allow you to see every part of me…even the parts I don't understand and the ones I'll never see for years to come, if ever. You're so easy-going and relaxing…your presence always makes me want to feel at ease even when I'm so busy being myself around you and everyone else._

_If I had the chance to be alone with you, I know I would be able to show you exactly what you make me feel. The subtle arousal, the hazy ardor; the heavily contained sensations you give me would no doubt show themselves, but not be entirely obvious. If I could instill them in you, even for a moment, for you to understand but a fraction of what I feel…then I would, without hesitation. Your nature and who you are give me a confidence I never thought I'd have. I'd like to seize it—seize you, amorously, eventually._

_Give me that chance and I'll not go back on my word._

_Lightning._

Fang held the letter with one hand while Vanille held it in her other—the two were standing right next to each other on their lawn, deeply engrossed in the paper's contents as they voraciously read it over and over without moving and barely breathing or blinking. There was a different rhythm about Fang's heartbeats as she read, and they hit a jagged edge at Vanille's subsequent exclamation:

"I see her name!" The words brought Fang back to earth, breathlessly so, "Lightning! I see it! Why is it that I've not been able to see it before…? I thought you said the magic made it so that only you could see her name?"

"Or so I thought…" Fang sounded pensive while Vanille allowed her to hold her letter in both hands. The slowly vanishing sun reflected a bright meditation in Fang's spirit, one that was fed and flourished from the wonderings and possibilities Lightning had constantly been inspiring within her, "She ain't one whose plans are easy to figure out…and I admit I fancy that about her. She's thrown me for a fun little loop here with all her obscurity…"

As fate would have it, Fang looked up and saw the wordsmith herself walking along the block across the street as though she were on patrol. Her voice acted before her mind had a chance to ponder anything, "Hey Farron!" Lightning stopped and summarily turned to face her and Vanille, nodding to them both, "Get over here, will ya? It's your day off! Come inside and take a load off!"

Vanille spoke quickly while Light smartly looked both ways before crossing the empty street, "Do you think she just barely put the letter inside our mailbox before we got here?"

"Maybe," Fang smiled, looking straight at Lightning as she stepped up to the sidewalk just behind the front lawn. Vanille waved brightly to the Lieutenant who uttered a brief, polite salutation. "We were just about to get started on dinner. Why don't you join us and stay for a bit? Take advantage of your break."

"If you insist," Lightning shrugged, though Fang wondered with an intense inquisitiveness how she was really reacting on the inside at such prospects.

Lightning had somehow wordlessly convinced Vanille and Fang to allow her to cook for them, and she was doing just that in the kitchen while her hosts sat at the bar and watched her amid light conversation. Fang's hunger continued to grow more and more pronounced as the aroma of fish and vegetables filled her as she observed Light's slightly scowling profile as she tended to the stove. A different, distinct hunger was also swelling inside of her, overtaking her in a curious deepness that ran as bottomless and yearning as Lightning's own feelings for her.

"Y'know…" began Fang, regarding Vanille with a smirk, "it really feels like Lightning's my bodyguard or butler or sugar momma, or something. She's doing all these nice things for me, for us. What do you think?"

"I'd have to agree with you," Vanille giggled; both of them were clearly trying to elicit a reaction from Farron, amusing themselves along the way, "You more or less still owe her for that shopping spree last week, don't you?"

"Yep! Still waitin' for her to let me know how I can repay her, though." Fang glanced over at Lightning, wondering if she was even paying any attention to the conversation—the soldier appeared to be concentrating very deeply on her task as though the broiling food would explode had she even allowed herself to blink. "I like seein' all these different sides of her, though…" Light turned off the stove and stood in place, looking down ascetically at the steam swiveling in streams from the pots in front of her. A ghost of a similar heat in similar shapes swept along Fang's face, "Makes me curious…and every time she surprises me like this, I wonder what else the Lieutenant is hidin' behind those scowls of hers…"

A slightly exasperated sigh left Fang while she shook her head, standing in the wide doorway of the sizable wooden balcony overlooking the beach near her home—Vanille had decided to go all out with their dinner venue that evening. A white tablecloth was spread over the wooden table between three chairs; everlasting candles flickered in the light wind as they sat nestled between her collection of equally everlasting blue roses in the center of the table. The food on the plates smelled wonderful after a long day, and the sight before her was just as mesmerizing.

Lightning had turned around upon hearing Fang's sigh, standing behind a chair with her hands on either side of the mahogany. Ultramarine shone ablaze with the faintest of betrayals Light allowed herself, and Fang found the fixation calming and welcoming despite Farron's defenses. They both seemed to be unsure of whether they wanted a third party present, but they could hear Vanille speaking rather loudly—on purpose—while on the phone with Hope who seemed to be bored at home back in Palumpolum now that his father was once again very busy with work.

"My goodness!" Vanille lamented after hanging up the phone and joining her friends out on the veranda, "Hope's being such a downer! He's lonely and needs someone to spend time with, but I told him I'm having dinner with you both. I had to promise him I'd take a train to go spend the night with him the moment I've finished eating. I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right, Vanille," Lightning assured her before Fang could even think to speak. Fang only smiled and instead took the offered seat and allowed Light to push in her chair, "He's still having a hard time re-adjusting to his normal life back home. I'm happy he sees you as someone he can count on to be there for him."

"Yes, I suppose you have a point…" Vanille took the seat on Fang's right while Light sat on her left. She was suddenly struck by something, "Aren't you two quite close? He talks about you frequently."

"You could say we are." The three women began eating with a light ease; Fang and Vanille both had smiles on their faces the entire time from the quality of Light's cooking, and how unaware she seemed of her newfound skills, both culinary and conversational. "Hope and I spent a lot of time talking on our way to Palumpolum from the Vile Peaks. At first I didn't want him to slow me down…but then I began to see a lot of myself in him, from when I was about his age. It…made me realize how much I had wished I had someone back then…someone like the person I was for him."

"I think you still are that person. He always has the nicest things to say about you. I think he sees you as an older sister…or almost like his mother."

"Maybe a sister…I can't see myself as the motherly-type."

After a while of chatting, Light took a deep breath before taking a sip of the tea Vanille had poured in her glass. A devious smirk was clamped between Fang's teeth in a desperate effort to not tip Farron off; Vanille's smile was much more profound than usual as well, not that Lightning thought anything of it. She certainly had a speck of shock about the tea, however—her eyes widened after going slightly out of focus, "Vanille…what is this…?"

"You don't like it…?" Vanille asked in a faux pout. Fang's throat and chest were howling with the laughter she so wanted to let out while Lightning sat stoically still. "It's this tea I made for Fang with some herbs I collected while we were all on Gran Pulse. We usually call it Vanilla Ice. Does it taste cold in your throat?" Light managed a nod before taking another sip, still looking somewhat roused, "Ohh that's wonderful! The adults in our village used to drink it with their prospective mates. If you could taste the person you were dining with, then it was sure to be a successful courtship!"

"How is this able to do all that…?"

"I don't know, actually." Vanille looked down at her empty plate with a frown; Fang had hid her trembling face behind her napkin at Light's child-like expression while she continued to sip—she nearly wanted to squeal. "Ohh I'm so sorry again but I really must be going. I don't want Hope to worry."

"It's fine," Fang smiled while the three of them stood up. "Tell Hope we said hello, by the way."

"I will!" Vanille moved to hug her adoptive sister before standing on the tips of her toes to give Light a chaste kiss on her cheek. Fang had to turn away with a hand over her quivering mouth again—Lightning appeared nothing less than humbly shocked, completely unaware of Vanille's intentions. "Thank you so much for cooking dinner, Lightning. It was really wonderful!"

"Anytime Vanille," Light nodded while Fang began collecting the dishes to move them to the sink in the kitchen to avoid her amusement being discovered. "I'll walk out with you."

"Oh won't you please stay and keep Fang company?" Vanille pleaded while walking with Lightning to her room to complete her minimal packing for the night. "I'd really appreciate it if you did!"

"Hm, yeah, I guess I can," agreed Lightning; the rest of their conversation grew too distant for Fang to hear as the two continued through the house. Fang's smile while she washed the dishes was quite stubborn, and she didn't mind it at all.


	4. where I belong

_**iv. **__where I belong_

_There was an ocean drained of all its fish; she took a bath, but just couldn't get clean. There was a power that knew just how she felt—Lightning was never prone to feel a love not real, prone to feel for a woman who appeared beyond reality, but she accepted it and tackled her burgeoning desire head-on._

Ebbing and flowing water along endless grains of sodden sand was the junction along where Lightning and Fang walked together parallel to the sun along the cerise horizon. Every breeze and every cool breath of the sea against Light's pallid, heated face felt far too cold to her. She had always detested the feel of sand underneath her bare feet, and the vast contrast of temperatures amid the two halves of her body was also equally unbearable. Only being able to see Fang's hair and sari flow in the wind out of the corner of her eye was agonizing in its own ways. Introversion and hesitation ought not to have been words with which to be able to illustrate Lightning's reasons for her inaction, but it couldn't be helped.

Occasionally, she could feel whispers of blue fabric along her leg and thigh; black locks against her arm and shoulder. They were walking so closely, so slowly with no destination in mind. Light's breaths sounded shallow in her throat; she stringed them out, allowing them their latitude for the sake of her lungs, and found that they sounded so alike the resonances of the water that continued to slowly meet their feet. The occasional cleansing after several silent trepidations in the sand only sustained her mismatched temperatures all along her body; the sounds of Fang's breathing and gentle footsteps that were synchronous with her own only continued to remind her she had her word to keep.

"Hey Fang?" Lightning stopped to face her, appearing willful with narrowed eyes. Fang was facing the sea, the horizon; her form glowing in the heat of the multi-colored moonrise while she watched her friend patiently. A casual topic was apprehended from the depths of her racing mind, "What do you think of Hope and Vanille?"

"Hope and Vanille?" Fang echoed with a slight jerk of her head, smirking slightly. Light could only nod. "Hmm…well, personally I think he's a little young for her, but he's a sweet kid. Vanille's a sweet girl. Who knows? I wouldn't be surprised if they find happiness together a few years down the line, but I wouldn't be shocked if nothin' happened, either. Why makes you ask?"

"I don't know." Light continued walking with Fang right by her side. In all honesty, she really hadn't a clue as to why she asked. "They seem really close. They spend a lot of time together, and they seem to talk about me a lot. It just got me thinking during dinner, I suppose."

"Sounds a lot like us," laughed Fang. A swallow went unheard by her while she continued, "Vanille and the others've commented about you and me, how _we _seem close on account of how much time we spend together. You and I obviously talk about you a lot, too."

Lightning's tenor was rather genial; somewhat charming as she asked, "What are you implying?" Her tone was clearly unexpected on Fang's part. Farron hid her winning smile in the direction where Fang couldn't see—the glow of the day's end—and kept speaking, "It's just…Serah's been asking me about you, too. She thinks I'm being choosy by spending time with you over her, but she's not mad. She only brought it up and dropped it when I had nothing to say. It's not like her to be a brat about things, but she's no pushover either."

"So now what're _you _implying?" Fang counteracted with a smile, folding her arms. "Or are you gonna say somethin' juvenile like _I asked you first_?" Lightning only shrugged, still keeping her smile the other way. "Hey now, I know you're smilin' like a fool! Don't be shy—lemme see!"

An attempt at the interception of Light's smile had been anticipated and was subsequently reversed; Fang had laughingly reached out to take hold of Lightning's shoulders and make them face one another, but Farron had dipped under the outstretched arms to hold Fang about her waist instead. The faint hourglass was stilled, the only movements emanating from below her ankles where grains of sand continued to be washed on and washed off of her russet skin; breathing had ceased to a slow crawl of disbelief.

So much effort to hide a smile—to really be holding Fang, now; to be whispering shallow inhalations along her ear and the side of her warm face—Lightning did her damndest to interpret everything while still taking the time to experience the inimitability of it all. This was quite unlike her to be doing—to be watching the laze of the day's edge while holding _Fang_—but it was irrefutable that she enjoyed it. To see and hear the world from right behind her, beside her…Lightning felt a surging condensation from the neck up with the reassurance that she wasn't the only one who was taking pleasure in this moment.

Lightning spoke quietly in Fang's ear, feeling her breaths coagulate into brief moistures much faster than before, "You were implying that people are starting to think that there's something gossip-worthy going on between us when all we're doing is spending time together. I'm sure if I were a guy people would be much more upfront about their wonderings to you. Typical."

Her eyes stayed closed after a gradual blink. Saltwater joined with an earthy aroma tinged with the aridness of one who had been in the sun all day—typical Fang. It kept her eyes closed; kept her confidence on the length of her speech, "And I'd like to believe I was implying that my sister is just nosy. But I'm sure you already _knew_ that already." A very pithy chuckle bristled a few strands of black hair. "She cares about me, though, and that's what counts."

Fang finally placed her chilly arms and hands over Light's, still facing the crimson horizon, "You care about her, a lot. Don't you?" The slight grooves in her shoulder was Lightning's nod. "Who else d'you really…care about…a lot?"

Lightning buried her diffident expression in the soft undulations of black around Fang's neck, shaking her head as if to lightly reprimand the one in her arms. The calming winds were loud enough to belie her ever-prevailing tentativeness, "And I thought _I _was bad…after only such a short time, you'd think it'd be obvious…"

Hours passed into the late night, and a barely-lit living room found Farron and Fang sitting—closely—together upon the couch facing the large plasma television screen providing the only light in the down-to-earth home, save for the moonlight through the outsized windows. There was a warmth about Fang's home that Light found inviting, and she enjoyed the tranquility of her surroundings. Lightning was not accustomed to watching Fang's arbitrary choice of reality matchmaking programs that night, but she was able to find enjoyment in listening to Fang react to the events in each of the shows they had watched thus far.

To top it off, Fang had even casually leaned over to rest her head on Light's shoulder some hours ago, likely in an effort to make it so that physical contact between them grew to be a normal thing. Lightning showed her appreciation by keeping an arm about Fang's, listening to her in a quiet amusement.

"Oh come on! Honestly?" complained Fang with a slightly raised hand of disbelief, "She picks _him? _The guy who was stupid enough to do all those ridiculous challenges and stab all the other competitors in the back? He's not _sweet, _he's a scum-sucking lowlife who can't get any ass on his own!"

"Why do you say that?" Light asked, smirking in her persevering delight. She rather agreed with her, however—the man who won was handsome and had a charming smile all right, but the audience had been exposed to his debauchery a little too much over the course of the season finale alone.

"Ugh, c'mon, work with me Lightning! You've seen this guy and his ways!" Fang made a face of disgust when the camera panned into the couple kissing daintily. Lightning blinked several times and averted her gaze, "Blokes like that don't care _what _they have'ta do to get in a girl's dress. He gets paid for being sneaky and getting the chick in the end that he's all but thrown himself at during the show! He was just pretendin' to be the charming, polite gentleman she thinks he is. Bloody pathetic if you ask me."

"You don't like secretive people?" Lightning asked curiously while Fang began using the remote to find something else to watch.

"Depends. If you're keepin' a juicy secret that I'd be ecstatic to learn of eventually, then I'm all for joinin' the ride." Fang grumbled and shook her head various times at the ludicrous shows she flipped through, "I admit I've a very curious soul, but I'm not nosy or anything. Keep to m'self as much as I see fit. But when somethin' gets my attention, I'll absorb it; make it my own as much as possible…as much as it'll let me…until I seize it, or it seizes me…"

The remote slowly slipped from Fang's limp hand to Light's tense lap—the television was now showing a heterosexual couple having rough sex in what appeared to be the backseat of a car. The man's broad, bare back and shoulders were mostly visible as his gyrations elicited reactions from the fair woman underneath him that were evocative enough to make Lightning's face flush horribly. She wasn't thinking about the act in front of her between those two individuals. Her eyes began to stream, her face and neck were overheating. Fang was right next to her. Lightning was holding her. Holding Fang. The censoring did not keep the viewer's imagination from filling in the blanks.

_Lightning…I want you…to take me. Claim me, Light—I'm all yours… All of me, everything you see…it's yours for the taking…don't be shy… I may not look it, but I've been dyin' for you to dominate me…give me the release I've wanted for ages…_

"Lightning…?"

_Lightning…yes, Light, _please_ don't you dare stop… _

"This movie givin' you a scare…?"

_Give it to me, Lightning…hold me close, talk dirty to me; give me everything you've got…_

"Lightning? You there?"

_Ohh, mmm, Lightning, I'm nearly there… Just like that, just like that…_

"Hello? Cocoon to Lightning!"

_Lightning…!_

"HEY!" The reverie left Light as soon as the couple on screen had finished. Her face deceived nothing as she slowly craned her head to look down at Fang, who was regarding her worriedly. Lightning only tilted her head to one side; Fang let out a relieved sigh, "Thank Etro you're still here…where the hell did you go? Y'gave me a right scare there, Sunshine…"

"I'm here," Light assured her, holding back a discomfited wince—Fang shook her head in disbelief and turned the TV off, engulfing them in the moon's faintness.

Those more colorful thoughts she had of Fang when the time called for them were not completely unknown to her. She simply had no idea why they arrested her so whenever she did have them…it was embarrassing but she knew it couldn't be helped—every single facet and feature of Fang was nothing short of striking. If she couldn't fight that truth, she could at least keep from showing her agreement.

"Yeah well for a while I couldn't tell…" Fang sat up and moved closer to Lightning, easing her lukewarm hands over the drying streams along her heart-shaped face. She wiped the wetness away with caring hands, failing to notice that the moisture she was tending to was the least of Light's concern. "I know you weren't cryin'…my eyes get real watery when I get surprised, too. I can't breathe anymore, then I'll blank out…did that happen to you just now?"

"…yeah," Lightning nodded, looking down at Fang's lithe fingers still smoothing along her cold face. She could feel her tears dripping down stubbornly from the digits in small portions; feel how soothingly sharp Fang's nails were against her—she had to keep from shivering, "something like that, at least."

"Mmm, we'll just need to be careful the next time we watch TV together," Fang surmised before letting out a deep exhale and standing to stretch a little. Light blinked furiously to keep her eyes dry—Fang had breathed right through her parted mouth just now, and her breath smelled of the chocolate they had consumed earlier. "It's pretty late, y'know. Why don't you stay the night?"

"That's fine." Light stood and followed after Fang to her bedroom, mentally scolding herself; she had meant to decline but the exact opposite had somehow gained leverage over her tongue. "I have work in the morning."

"I'll set the alarm, no worries." They passed Vanille's empty room without a word. Lightning obviously wasn't going to be sleeping there, nor the living room. "Don't want you drivin' back home at this hour. I should've said somethin' earlier but the time just kept flyin' by. I had fun today."

"So did I." A small amount of trepidation settled inside of Light while she watched Fang stand in front of her mahogany dresser and observe herself in the mirror. Lightning kept her head high and closed the distance between them, feeling an annoying pool gathering near the back of her tongue that she refused to swallow—the everlasting candles on the surface near her waist were doing wonders for her light eyes. "Do you have a sleeveless T-shirt I can wear? A plain one?"

"Sure do." Lightning turned around to remove her accessories, boots and jacket the moment Fang bent over to retrieve the requested clothing from one of the drawers. Fang seemed to be taking her time, or she was busy watching through the mirror; she was as still as her many lances on the wall Lightning was facing. Light moved to unzip her turtleneck, still trying to appear unfazed; the sound of the drawer closing again met Fang's next words, coated on top of a hand along Light's waist. "Turn around, Lightning. Don't be shy. You can trust me."

Farron turned as instructed, slowly, feeling that she already did trust Fang as it were. The increasing warmth along her front manifested with Fang's gaze along her unzipped sweater. Lightning eased her skirt down, feeling her face pull down in a scowling frown of hyper-awareness of Fang's silence and the possible meaning behind it. Fang soon began collecting all of Light's things and moved to place them neatly on the stool in front of her dresser.

Light was in nothing but her black shorts and bra by the time Fang casually handed Lightning the aforementioned shirt before speaking in an oddly _normal _tone, "There's some ice cream in the freezer if you want any. If you do decide to get any, bring some for me—I'm gonna hop in the shower. I'll be out in five minutes tops."

"Right," Lightning nodded before exiting the room, simultaneously pulling the shirt over her head—never mind how she had failed to notice she had been letting Fang speak to her while in nothing but a bra and tight shorts.

"I like my ice cream with vodka, by the way!" Fang called after her before entering her bathroom and closing the door. Lightning raised an eyebrow to the empty, moonlit hall while she walked barefoot along the cool hardwood floors, not even of the mind to ever want to ask Fang why she liked alcohol in her ice cream.

Lightning learned of the delights rocky road ice cream mixed with vodka offered; her conversation with Fang over the sweets had been much looser than she was used to, complete with a promise they had both made to get tipsy while home alone one night in the very far-off future.

She was currently quietly washing the dishes they had used out of a favor to Fang for her hospitality; sluicing the porcelain and metal with much care, mindful of the approaching prospect of sleeping—in the same bed—with Fang. Her stubborn pride was nagging at her however—strumming her will and daring her faulty resolve to show in her shaking hands while she did the dishes amid the moonlight. Her task was all that kept her from wrapping around the warmth and refuge that Fang's presence provided. Her calming energy, trusting nature, tranquil charisma…she kept Lightning calm, despite a few obstinate nerves, and that calmness had its ways of arousing her effortlessly.

Once she completed her task and—almost sacredly—put the dry dishes away and strolled back to Fang's room. She listened to the empty sounds of the house joined with the faint echoes of the sea; smelled the prevailing aroma of incensed lavender throughout. Fang's room, she discovered upon re-entering, had an intrinsically heartwarming effect on her.

The cause was likely from Fang lying beneath her black duvet on the side of her bed closest to her window, peering over at Lightning with patient eyes. The gesture impelled Light's legs to move on their own accord; she was soon settled next to Fang, and received a clement surprise when she felt an equally warm face on her chest below her collarbone. It made Lightning panic inwardly while the rest of the sheets and duvet warmed up to the touch of her presence.

Light's heartbeats were never one to be normal around Fang, most especially while the two were in close proximity. Fang had her soft visage along the left side of her chest—she could hear evidence of her presence; how much it was spurring Light's insides beyond control when her demeanor to the rest of the world was nothing shot of collected.

"You smell like my strawberry dishwashing liquid," Fang commented quietly, sleepily; allowing her eyes to lull closed. Lightning had bit the inside of her mouth to keep herself breathing normally at the very least. "Won't you hold me…? This is kinda why I asked you to stay the night if you hadn't noticed…"

"Why do you want me to hold you?" She did so, keeping an arm along Fang's waist and the other over her neck and shoulders. Lightning's heart continued to beat out its betrayal right underneath Fang's ear; right underneath her contented smile—she never received an answer. Soon the sounds of Fang's shallow breathing filled the night air, and Light smiled to herself, occasionally catching the harmony between the woman's inhalations and the calm water just outside.


	5. mellosmoothe

_**v. **__mellosmoothe_

_No amount of manipulation could release Lightning's tension. The tenacity was taught to her by absence; taut by two circular strings of green. Viridian lust scorched her white, viscous in its fading obliviousness; strumming her walls, clawing at her foundations—threatening her to strum and claw at what she needed. It wasn't a question of want or won't._

_Some things, you just crave. Crave until you cave. The absence of derision secludes you, damply, like your breath on the body of that craving you possess._

A low rumble spread throughout the shadowy skies overhead outside the seaside window of Fang's home, dimly pulling Light from her wakeful sleep. The shallow fog she felt swarming her head made her mind sway between consciousness and the mild irritation she had with being unable to leave it for more than a moment. There wasn't a centimeter on her body that didn't feel warm, or wet, somehow. A humidity had seeped through the closed, rain-shattered window. Another one advanced, progressively, and pulled back, steadily; deeply along her breasts with every rise and fall of Fang's tranquil form.

Sweat had started to build along Lightning's brow, the crook of her neck and elbows and knees; and underneath every part of her that was in contact with the one still sleeping soundly in her arms. Her heavy eyes glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table next to her: it was already five in the morning. She had but an hour before she had to leave to at least clock in for work—she would no doubt have to return to the area for monster surveillance during such a squall of flash and farron.

Ceaselessly her heart had pounded in her sleep, as hard and relentless as the transparency pattering over every wall around her. Pulverized it did, across the exquisiteness on her chest, never disturbing her; for, afterall, she may have thought it to be a lullaby to her. The evidence of everything, rising and falling in a clash of indecision, was trapped between a beauty and a harshly tamed beast that rampaged the most in the morning. In the thunderstorm.

She knew this would happen if she spent the night, and a deeply frustrated part of her wondered if this is what Fang wanted. Fang couldn't voice anything because Lightning was supposed to come out and say everything first—and really _say _it, despite the growing substantiation; substantial in its vastness and moisture and smell.

Lightning willed her breathing to steady itself, refusing to wake Fang on account of her crumbling fortifications. The dissolution was carbonated, almost; pressurized from the vacuum-tight seal she had tried to keep over everything.

The carbon was magmatic; stubbornly refusing to melt not even in the most furious of trouncing rainfalls. She couldn't move. Disturbing Fang from her sleep was out of the question, no matter how deeply she desired it; desired _her. _Discomfiture savaged her, like her bubbling self-control that was set ablaze with every realization she had; every situation that clawed its way to the fore of her mind from the deepest depths of her thoughts. Fang's every nuance was pertinent in Light's mind. Stubbornly so.

Maddening drips of possibilities began to trickle down, through her veins, filling her with a refuse that stopped her pores, stopped her bloodflow and overflowed them with a sickeningly sweet hunger. There was no substitute for this that even a healthy flow of oxygen and blood could supply her. The insulin continued to flow, the needle of reason never leaving her. Willful reason, and self-control…

Yet once Fang shifted to nuzzle her neck, moving into her more; closer to her still, Lightning had to stifle a groan. The mornings were always the worst. Waking up with Fang in her arms was new, and the novelty only spurred her sinfulness further. She considered her state, wondering if she would be moving too fast had she chose to act on everything. Her analyzing withdrew itself as Light reached over and turned the alarm off so it would not sound in less than an hour. Another aide to her acquiescence moved the clock face down—she didn't want to know the time anymore, not for a little while at least.

Attention became rapport with her turmoil. Every perfectly-fitting contour of the body against her own spelled an undeniable truth to her—that she wanted _something_—but, and there was always a but, she didn't know if she was _capable _of acting. Culpable of her own damned delights, she was indeed, but it was an inebriation she had with Fang: one that wrestled with her whims and felt so smooth, like the warm jet black along her jaw and neck and chest. Affliction stared her down, as hard as she wanted to stare at Fang, look at Fang in a different light, in the dark one of her bedroom that was presently highlighting her every lustrous imperfection.

When Fang moved even closer, moving her arm so that it settled over the swell of Light's chest, a line snapped from around her, allowing Farron to breathe again. The trough dug into her breasts with the mere illusion of gained freedom to breathe normally that she took for truth. A hissing exhale left her, shuddering as it were with the knowledge of how she was being touched, and it felt _so_ fucking good.

_Take that control you have over yourself and dangle it right over me, let me taste it; see it feel it need it all throughout my body… I wanna see you in your raw form, uninhibited for a change. You don't need a reason to need what you do._

"Lightning…" That accent was lilting with a low lull of learning; erudition of what had been transpiring during her supposed sleep for some time now. It was as if she had been waiting for it. Orchestrating the silence of Light's deep affections into the sounds of loosely controlled breathing. "You're hurting…and I don't like it one bit. Don't try and deny this any longer…I can smell you clear through your shorts and the duvet." The evidence, the evidence; prominence in all its splendor, in its scent of musken sweets that had dried into moisture. "I hear your heartbeats…I feel you trying not to move. Tell me what it is you're feelin'…_please_."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

_You know _exactly_ what I'm talkin' about, Lightning. Pull me closer and don't you dare lie to me anymore. Deeper than gravity is where I'll need you to be soon enough, and you know it…_

Pushing to pull her closer was all Lightning knew how to do. All of her common sense had been devoured by the fangs that bound her, stroked her want; clawed at the opening for her nourishment. Every moment spent with Fang dripped like water over her parched mind while she waited patiently, for her slaughter, perhaps—for Lightning to hunt the huntress, take her bounty; relieve her of her silent disquiet.

"Oh yeah, _real_ smooth, Lieutenant…next you're gonna tell me you're illiterate and that you ain't got _no_ recollection whatsoever of _writin'_ such beautiful words to me—"

_Pull me…I'll be watchin'. Pull me…I'll be wantin'. Pull me…I'll be lovin'. Pull me…I'll be nothin'…_

Annulled barriers smoothed opposite along the horizons of their plane; Fang was pushed upon her back, pulled closer by the masked ascendancy of Lightning's body on top of her. There was a vacillating anticipation about Fang that wasn't physically visible; it was only as clear as the storm reflecting as a swirl of viridian in her eyes so surprised. There was a closeness between their bodies, their faces that Light felt so sultry and strong deep in her chest. The falls of her hair were swaying and dripping her delight in their wake along the smoothly sculpted countenance just half a breath away from her.

It had never been fear holding her back. Her growing effects on Fang were so indefatigable. Perhaps it was a habit. A shyness. It was excusable, but not when it had somehow simultaneously pronounced her feelings _and_ her indecision to move. Fang was quite unable to move as well. A soft dignity was ever-present about her, but the deep curiosity she held in her stare was rupturing, almost poignant. So much could be interpreted from the look, but there was no denying how it affected her to be on the receiving end of such a gaze.

"When you start to look at me like that…" Lightning's voice was raspy, and she felt the small clots of nerves in her throat that were shaping her tenor so, "it makes me _remember_ who I am, not forget. Devotion has been at the center of my actions and decisions—for Serah, for my comrades—ever since my parents passed away, back when I was fifteen. I know it's why this doesn't bother me now…in fact, it never has. Before.. there were too many other things to focus on. And now…"

"And now…" reiterated Fang, slowly, drawing the words out, as though she wanted to pull something else from deep inside of Light. "And now…you've nothing to focus on that's _nearly _as…_pressin'_…as bein' a l'Cie, or savin' your sister, for example…" Lightning's hair as she nodded and her shallow exhale seemed to tickle Fang's nose; she showed a brief smile that managed to reach all the way to the sharp corners of her eyes. "What's your…focus, now? Besides work, I mean.."

"Depends on my mood," Light shrugged. The mild outrage in Fang's face was all she needed to see. "Besides…I think a lot of people don't realize what I'm capable of. I have this knack for surprising others with the potential I discover more and more about each day. I like different challenges; different things to focus on. They make me stronger, more well-rounded."

"And why don't you use that strength?" Fang sounded faintly demanding; eagerly so, yet earnest in her intentions. "It's no use just buildin' up inside you, not unless you use it."

"I _am_ using it, Fang. Why do you think I'm here?"

"I don't know, maybe because you _want_ somethin'?"

"Yeah. I do." Lightning made to move away from Fang, listening for any signs of monsters in the distance. There were none, at least not yet—she knew better. "Doesn't mean I have to be upfront about it. Not yet, at least."

"Well I wish you would, sooner rather than later…" There was a seriousness about those words that made Lightning _want _to stop, but she still moved so that she was sitting upon the bed, facing away from Fang, ready to stand at any moment's notice. There was no longing in her tone, suppressed or otherwise. It led to confusion on Light's part; her words didn't match the medium through which she was expressing them, "I don't like knowin' that you're holdin' so much inside. You've so much to express…so much potential to express it well, and so beautifully…"

"Beautifully, huh?" Lightning stood, placing a hand on her hip and bending the opposite knee, unable to face her in her modest adulation. She bit her lip momentarily before letting out, "As beautiful as _you_ are, Fang?" A pause. Light chuckled and began making her way to the adjoined bathroom across from her. "I'm no poet—that right there was terrible." She reached the open door and stood in the doorway to the toffee-colored room, preparing herself for the coldness of the marble floor that wasn't covered by the large red rug inside. "But I _will _add that no form of writing could ever compare to your looks; to you. People can try, but so much more would need to be done…it seems so simple, but it's not."

_I sign my letters with a magic that only lets my name be visible to those who _want _to see it. I've finally told you how beautiful you are, after letting you think about it, like I said I would. I'm playing hard to get. I _know_ you know it's me. But a little intrigue to fuel the flames never hurt anyone… This isn't about me being shy. It's about wanting to see _you_ uninhibited, too._

A soft, lukewarm cadence beat down on Lightning's bare skin, sounding out a tune that she was tempted to hum along to. The humming, she found, was instead succeeded by her hands while she stood underneath the spell of water, visible behind a transparent door to the cozy room the shower. There were no lights on, no doors open; no droplet of water went untouched by her body. Her body that was steadily smoothed by her absently roaming hands. Her mind was blank; her hair was warm and dank along her shoulders, back and face—yet her hands, they were so inviting in her imagination as they smoothed along her rather prominent biceps.

Solitude was where she had no barriers, no boundaries. She knew all too well that she had to keep them while in the presence of others, most especially Fang. Flattery could soon turn to fear, she knew this, and was loath to take any risks so early on. That's what the privacy of her thoughts was for.

Her hands continued to roam, to familiarize; to emphasize a point, to Lightning, that her feelings weren't wrong—her approach to courting wasn't wrong. She still needed time to let it sink in that Fang wanted more. She was curious—that much was evident. Light still needed to learn more about herself, through the situation; through her fading reluctance to start loving herself first. Shyness wasn't going to work. Aloofness wouldn't get her what she wanted, at least not all the time.

What Lightning _wanted _was to be able to touch Fang in this way, to elicit an inexorable soothe throughout her from the point of contact to every part of her mind and heart. To smooth her hands down those toned abs as she was doing her own, make her achromatic eyes flutter closed; light an incense of smooth heat all over her with a texture akin to sweat—not to mention something a little more profound, found by her nose first, followed by her eyes…and her _hands_…

Her hands that stopped right in their places, immediately, upon reason reminding her of what she was _really _about to do. Part of it had already been done—the fingers of her right hand were in no innocent position, while her left was higher, squeezing a firm softness; pretending to seize an imaginary silhouette in the shower with her. A deep, steam-filled inhale reminded her to not get carried away again. Not yet, at least.

Just before the closed front door stood Light and Fang, facing one another, yet looking elsewhere. Fang was still clad in her shorts and halter top, arms folded over her chest, knee bent while she despairingly fixated her line of sight on her very interesting coat rack along the wall on her right. Lightning was focusing on fiddling with the collar of her jacket, noting that she needed to take it to the dry cleaners sometime soon. That would leave her in the awkward position of having to wear her alternative coat in the mean time…she immediately wondered what Fang would think of it while she finally willed herself to look at her.

Fang had really been giving her a sidelong regard for some time. Lightning felt that she had gained some leverage over her that morning, judging from the earnestness she was witness to. She could tell that Fang _wanted _to say something, but she was reluctant to poke and prod. Light had many things she wished she could say, and do, but chose to not risk scaring Fang off. It was a very recalcitrant dance, one that she still found inviting, because of Fang's inducement to go along for the ride as she had admitted the night prior. The reasons behind that willingness were unclear, but Farron rather enjoyed the mystery, just as she knew her own was enjoyed by her…friend.

"I might be able to get out early today," Lightning remarked conversationally, liking that Fang still hadn't moved, nor had she even blinked. Her posture was so… "It doesn't seem like the marine monsters are acting up today, but we'll see." Sexy. Yes, it was very sexy of Fang's contours to assume such a stance… "If not, and if I don't have any luck for the rest of the week, how about I just call you and see what you're up to?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Lightning obviously noticed how clipped Fang's words were around the middle. She knew what the problem was, but it was too late to do anything about it. The truth that Fang even _had _a problem with the supposed teasing was good progress, inherently. It had to be good if Fang had finally moved, finally stopped her staring to pull Light in for a lingering embrace. It was returned with as much light force Fang was pressing along her body, possibly encoding a message there that she found a strange pleasure in all of this, whatever it was.

"You say you like challenges, Lightning…?" Fang murmured into her ear. Light held her a bit tighter and nodded. "Well, so do I…even when they seem impossible, I like them; most especially when they are. That's not to say I can't tell when I'm bein' jipped."

"It's foolish to ever try and fool you, Fang. Even I know that." Making her intentions known made Fang relax in her arms, though it was slight. Slight enough to get the point across. "It's like…you can't start off on the wrong foot while leading a dance. It requires some thought, if you're new to it.. but eventually it starts to feel natural."

"A dance?" chuckled Fang, shaking her head in the crook of Light's neck. "I never knew you danced, Farron."

"Yeah…" _We're dancing now if you hadn't noticed…just not in the literal sense. _"Me neither."


	6. submerge

_**vi. **__submerge_

_Biding until biting, waiting through writing, being remiss until one kiss to end her subsistence… Inundating herself in the future was Lightning's way of catalyzing her present. Simple proximity was murder. Complicating it resuscitated her, only to asphyxiate with evidence of needing to wait. Evidence: excuses in their eminence._

"Tell me how it tastes." Scene

The statement was stated for the umpteenth time now, yet Lightning still refused to slate her answer upon the table in front of them. Fang and Light were out on a very impromptu date at the café, sitting in a corner away from the dwindling crowd some hours after midnight that Saturday morning. There was but one week remaining until the wedding, and her birthday, and Lightning still hadn't made a move.

"Why did you bring your tea here, again?" Light asked doggedly, swirling the contents of her glass while keeping an eyebrow raised at her _date_ across from her. "If you wanted to drink this, we could've stayed at your place."

"Yeah well, I ain't the only one who takes what they want to new places."

Fang always made several comments such as those. Light merely shrugged and sipped, keeping her assiduous eyes on the amused ones before her. Fang was forever amused by nearly every word they exchanged, it seemed. She had made comeback after comeback to Light's stubborn remarks, and they always lacked the seriousness she had had that morning when they first spent the night together. If she was teasing it was obvious. If she was full of meaning it was much less so. And if there was one thing Light had to choose to be her most prevalent pet peeve with Fang, it was how difficult it was to take her seriously sometimes; the perpetual grin on her face as of late was nothing short of bewildering.

All she could do was continue to drink, keeping her emotions in check through her façade. The vastness of her sentiments became a blockade whenever she was around Fang. And when she was alone, or writing to her, it was ineffable just how overwhelming everything was. Yet destruction could never be so soft, so inviting… Masochism had never been an interest of hers, not until she had really learned the difference between seeing those finely honed eyes in person and only being able to imagine them. Both situations grew to be equally appealing to her for reasons unknown.

She was unsure if her mind was suffering from overcast, yet nevertheless she sometimes humored herself in seeing what she wanted to see whenever she was with Fang. And when she saw something at that moment, though indiscernible as it may have been, it was strong enough in its delicacy to roll a few words off her tongue that she was having a hard time keeping in:

"We've been here more times than I can _count, _Fang—"

"Oh, certainly!" Lightning wasn't sure if it was the tea or something else she wasn't catching that had gotten Fang in such a jolly mood all of a sudden. "But I ain't talkin' about the café, sweetheart." The terms of endearment were also quite common; they made Light's stomach churn with an ardent haze each time one was uttered. "I'm talkin' about _new places. _Brand new ones! Happy places!"

Light set her glass down with a stiff thud, "Okay, you're gone…I thought you said this Vanilla Ice didn't have any alcohol in it."

"I didn't lie to you."

"Then why are you acting so strangely?"

"I ain't actin' _strange."_ She sobered abruptly, focusing her meek expression on the glass upon her lips. Lightning relaxed her jaw, feeling sheepish—Fang had never had such a look about her in all the time they had known each other. Nor had her words ever been laced with such a slenderness, one akin to the fingers of her free hand that lay upon the table. "I guess my tea tastes a little too good…and I keep wonderin' about how yours tastes, and if you…like it or not. If it makes you feel the same way I do now."

Lightning didn't have to ask how Fang felt—the answer was right there in her stare that was shaped with weeks of restraint and patience. The chiseled contours of her eyes were conical in their sincerity, honesty, genuineness… Her entire body screamed softly of the same virtues, and they apprehended Lightning in private questioning of why she was being so damn shy and disbelieving of everything. Fang was here, right in front of her, asking to be allowed deep inside of her without a word. Or, rather, asking for Light to be deep inside of _her. _Lightning licked her lips anxiously.

There was a striking quality to Fang's posture, in all its gracefulness and fluidity, sensibly mirroring the way her sari wrapped about her form. The elegant undulations were there in their splendor, heightening Light's awareness of Fang's breathtaking charisma while diminishing the presence of those around them. Light and Fang were very much present to those remaining in the café, however.

"Hey, Lightning, Fang!" The owner of the establishment ambled over to them with a smile, keys in hand, "I'm about to close up, so if you guys wouldn't mind leav…"

Lebreau trailed off upon realizing she was being ignored, though not on purpose. There was an indubitable aura about Lightning and her date, one that had clearly shut them off from the rest of the world; one that had never come about before judging from the bartender's bemused surprise. She merely backed away with an unsure smile on her face, nodding to them.

"All right then…I'll just, um, lock the door… I trust you won't do anything silly in here, so…have at it. I have to turn off the lights, though…" Lightning blinked once. Fang licked her lips this time. Lebreau winced at them, "Okay you two…try to leave sometime soon. Good night…"

It took some time, but Fang and Lightning were eventually engulfed in sheer darkness and silent privacy. Lightning could faintly hear the nearby sea, but disregarding that, there was next to no sound in the building save for her own breathing. Fang's inhalations were too quiet to detect. Her silhouette was even more difficult to discern—whether Light had her eyes open or not, there was no difference between what she could perceive; Fang was all she could see regardless of anything.

Light swathed her hesitance in her gesture of placing her hand over Fang's on the table. Her eyes fell closed in a diminutive flutter of repose, stilling her mind enough to ladle her fingers underneath Fang's palm, keeping them clasped amid warm, slender digits folding over her own. Softly, softly, she felt reborn. Fluidly, easily, her ears began to resonate with every word she had wanted to say to Fang, make known to her in no uncertain terms; in no innocent situations. Lightning's thumb began to absently glide along the sinuously firm furrow of knuckles that held her attentions, noting the texture, memorizing the warmth.

Fang let out a corporeal sigh, one laden with vestiges of the softest voice she was capable of; one that had Lightning's skin quavering with want, "Tell me, Lightning…tell me exactly how your tea tastes." Words eluded Light; she began to scorn her dependence on written word to convey her feelings, and even then, she had never presented her letters to Fang in person. "I won't laugh. I won't think ill of you. Promise."

"Why…"

Lightning had to stop herself. She had been circumventing Fang's questions for far too long, with far too much moderation and strain. Her eyes were still closed, in ways that allowed her to imagine she could feel Fang's anticipation coursing through her spirit. The energy, imagined or not, cleaved her dithering; hints of the destruction were present in the mild shivering of her skin as she spoke gently:

"It's not…exactly something I can _taste. _When I swallow the tea, it does taste cold in my throat, almost like some kind of vanilla peppermint is dissolving there. It starts to trickle down my chest, and then it kind of…spreads…everywhere, inside of me, intensely… _It _being every aspect of you that's familiar to me…how patient you are, how accepting you are of me…and If I allow it, it can overwhelm me."

Fang snaked her torso closer to Lightning, leisurely, leaning over the table. The only reason Light could tell was from the sound of the shifting; the growing feeling of closeness. The crown of her head along the falls of her hair began to heat up. Sweat began to bead along her nose and brow, but it all became a metamorphosis elsewhere: directly to her eyes.

"You're further along than me, but…" Fang's tender accent grew closer, and closer; nearer still as Light kept her eyes wide shut to stop the definitive stinging of her wayward emotions. "When I drink this, all I can think about is you, all I can _taste _is you… _You_, Lightning…all your hidden wants and needs swarm my mind, making me think you like the ruin you put yourself through… It excites me…thinkin' about how strong you are, how emotional you are… I can taste that torment of yours…and forgive me for bein' bloodthirsty, but…despite everything, it tastes so _damn_ good…"

Steam began spouting from Lightning's skin at the sound of legs of a chair easing back against the floor. The inside of her chest began to lose its shape from her heart beating against it so mercilessly the second she couldn't feel a hand in her own anymore. The soft sounds of sandals guiding Fang across the room were undeniably painful in their understanding. Fang knew Lightning would lose it had she continued pulling strings through her effortless efforts of her lascivious repartée. Yet through her indulgent insight, she had stung Light as if she knew it would sting the most right where she had chosen.

Sails set adrift through her mind, the ripples feeling so calming, like a sedative she could feel erupting in the form of shivers along her slightly sweaty scalp. Fang's knack for surprising her was always joined with a caress of her intelligence that always felt so sensual and sweet. Had Fang not been able to match her wit for wit, or even beat her on occasion—just as she had done now—Light knew her affections would not be so markedly stubborn in their inexorable intensification.

"Oh, for Etro's sake!" Fang growled loudly, slamming her fist on the door to the café. Light jumped slightly despite herself, standing and looking over at her in slight alarm, "Lebreau went and locked us in here! The damn door won't bloody open!" Her aggression was cut short when she turned and saw Lightning's outline on her feet and staring in her general direction. The obscurity was far too determined to keep them in pitch dark. "Hm. I know she lives somewhere in this building, but if she ain't heard me by now I doubt she ever will."

"So we wait, then," Light concluded vacantly. Fang might have nodded in agreement—she couldn't tell—while her form began wandering the room, weaving through tables absently. Surely they could always call Lebreau on her wireless, but Fang didn't seem to want that. It would have been suggested already, by her, had she desired it. Or maybe she wasn't thinking clearly at all." Are you all right?"

"Huh?" Fang stopped in her place by the bar. "Am I all right?" Light kept her silence, failing to see the gain in nodding or even answering at all. "Yeah I'm just peachy, thanks. Just wasn't expectin' to be locked in here til the place opens in the mornin'. It's got nothin' to do with you."

"Lebreau doesn't open up until noon on Saturdays," Lightning pointed out calmly. All she could hear was Fang sit upon a stool and sigh loudly into her arms that were on the surface of the bar. If she was acting, she was doing a rather exemplary job at it.

Light regarded the emptying hourglass-shaped bottle of Vanilla Ice on the table in front of her for a moment. Fang's exasperation had nothing to do with her, as she had said, and Light wouldn't have jumped to that conclusion regardless. It was still nice to have heard her assurance, however concise it may have been. Her boots soon began sounding their paces over to where Fang continued to sit in her vexation.

"Fang." Lightning placed a gloved hand over Fang's shoulder before sitting on the stool next to her, "It's okay. I'm here, remember?"

There was no verbal response, but Light might have fooled herself into thinking she felt the skin underneath her fingers warm up amid mild shivers. The gesture, imaginary or not, kept her hand moving in slow, firm circles along her upper back and shoulders for some time that Fang undoubtedly appreciated—her deep, relaxed breathing was proof of her gratitude.

The last of the tea was being consumed by Light and Fang who were still sitting at the bar in the obscure, early hours of the morning. There was a bit of light peeking through the windows from the slowly illuminating sky, and the lack of aeration in the café had given way to a definite chill that lingered from the many cool surfaces throughout. Lightning was doing her best to keep the room temperature in the back of her mind while she and Fang sat, facing each other and talking; it had been surprisingly easy to stay awake. Though she figured Fang's keenness through their conversation had something to do with it.

"Nautilus, eh?" Fang laughed heartily, evidently intoxicated by something that wasn't quite alcohol—Lebreau's stores had gone untouched, unlooked at. "Sounds excitin'! Afraid I've yet to go there. Ever since Vanille told me about it, I've wanted to…when's the exact date and times, again?"

"This Thursday, actually…" Lightning set her empty glass down on the bar, and her elbow followed suit. She propped her face upon her palm, appearing nonchalant while she gazed at their shadowy reflections on the cold surface. There were very mild circular remains of where their glasses had been upon the bar, and she focused on them, keeping her will steady. "We're all spending the night on Wednesday, and Sazh will fly us over early in the morning, around six. Serah already reserved the hotel rooms."

"Alright, so we check in, get some rest, then hit the city?" As Fang finished her tea and put her glass down, Light gave a brief nod. "What's there to do in the City of Dreams? Vanille said she and the old man only hit up the fireworks show and the chocobo corral…"

"Well, there are a lot of stores, restaurants, theaters…Serah said she wants to go shopping after we rest up. After that, I'm sure everyone will want to go to the amusement park." Fang gave her a look—she didn't seem to understand what an amusement park was. Light felt her face warm up amid a short chuckle, "There are rides. A lot of rides. And arcades with virtual video games."

"Rides?"

Lightning finally willed herself to keep eye contact with Fang who looked bemused, but eager. Sometimes it was hard to remember she wasn't from Cocoon. "You'll see."

"Fine, fine," lamented Fang, shaking her head, "no use tryin' to budge you. Then what'll we do, after we leave there?"

"I assume everyone will split at the park to do their own things…into couples, I mean. It'll be agreed that we'll all be up the next morning to check out at noon. Snow and Serah are supposed to be separated that day, and the pre-wedding parties will be that night, so—"

"Hang on." Fang held up a thoughtful hand. "You said _couples_."

"Yes…"

"Who all is going?"

"Snow and my sister, obviously…Sazh, Dajh, Vanille…Hope said he'd go for sure but his father has work, which is sad because even _I _was able to get the time off…and then there's you and me."

"And NORA?"

"They said they'd stay here and keep watch over the town while we enjoyed ourselves."

"Hm." There was an even amount of people. Lightning bit the inside of her mouth—she knew it was going to come to this while explaining the itinerary. "Why didn't nobody tell me about this before now?"

"Because…" Light mentally scorned the conversation she had exchanged with her sister the week prior. From how excited Serah had been about Fang's attendance, she had made it seem like the trip was more of an attempt to finally get Fang and Lightning together, and not a celebration with friends and family before her wedding. The Lieutenant sighed, "It was _my_ job to tell you."

Fang didn't give an immediate reply; she seemed to understand the reasons behind Light's appointed task. Lightning regarded her in earnest before standing and walking a few paces away, arms folded and facing away from her. "You never even asked me if I'd go…_properly_, might I add."

Lightning had tried to prepare for this, to finally be the person Fang had gotten to know through her letters. This trip was her golden opportunity, one that she wouldn't let slip away; nor would she let Fang slip from her grasp. From how she had utilized their time together until now, it hadn't seemed like she had an ounce of motivation to make anything happen at all. She was going to change that. It was now or never, really.

She turned around to find Fang standing directly before her. The vague height difference between them was enough to forever see Fang as above her in certain ways. How she had managed to instill such sentiments in her was something she always figured only Fang could truly understand—she knew herself better than anyone, though Light of course wished to know more. The influence, Lightning found, was calming and inviting—it gave her something to work for, to earn.

Light took Fang's hand in both of hers, holding the slenderness between their bodies. A moment passed, and she felt her face relax into a look of slight pleading—as much as she could manage through her sheepishness, "Fang…" The huntress gave a soft smile. Her lips were reflecting every bit of light in the room. Lightning's lips felt abnormally dry while she continued, "Will you be my date to Nautilus next week? I have a few things planned…and I'd really like to show you a good time. You deserve it. So…please?"

Fang's smile of course brightened while she nodded cheerfully. Light let out a sigh that had belied her relentless heartbeats. She always made such a big deal out of everything, even something so very simple as asking Fang out. To Nautilus. With her. A proposal of marriage somehow seemed less daunting.

"C'mon then," coaxed Fang, grinning widely. Lightning wasn't comprehending. "Give me a hug, Light."

A trail of nerves creeped up Light's throat, but she let go of Fang's hands to wrap her arms about her waist, pulling Fang close with the faintest traces of restraint. Had she felt Fang's abdomen that wasn't covered by her sari any closer to her own navel, it would have crippled her. The hands and arms she felt along her neck and shoulders were serene and yielding, allowing Lightning to control their nearness. Light chanced pressing her face closer to Fang's; Fang responded by burying her warm visage in the crook of Lightning's equally warm neck, taking a moderate breath of the falls of strawberry blonde there.

The gesture made Lightning sway slightly to her left, the movement emanating from her hips. Fang followed without complaint, only pressing closer to her. Another small sway to the right was reciprocated. Lightning felt her lips part in her revelation while she continued, enjoying the act of supporting Fang's buoyant weight as she absently guided her in place to the air of her breathing joined with the sea just outside.

Her thoughts brushed over the picture she had in mind of how colorless Fang's eyes had been in the absence of proper lighting. They had been captivating, exotically so in their foreign appearance—just as Fang was, as she had always been. Being in such a moment with her was foreign in its own ways; in ways that were able to surround Lightning completely in each minute that passed. She immersed herself in their music, in their faint footsteps as they began to traverse the room, slowly, unhurriedly… A hand had slipped inside the collar of her jacket and turtleneck, through her hair and to the shivering skin along the nape of her neck. Fang's other arm stayed draped about Lightning's shoulders, holding onto her with a silent need.

"Tell me somethin'," murmured Fang, sounding peaceful; drowsy. Lightning felt much more aware of the jewelry pressing against her quavering chest, of the smooth hands along the unexposed parts of her shoulders.

"Tell you what?" Light breathed into her ear, braving her boldness to slide her hand along the small of Fang's sculpted back underneath the blue fabric. Fang arched into her, falling into her more while letting out a shallow sigh so small, but grand in its tempestuousness.

"Mmm…somethin' that'll soothe me…somethin' romantic…" A pause. Lightning swallowed air. "I wanna know what the charmin' Farron really _sounds _like…_outside _her letters…and right here, in my ear. Don't restrict yourself, neither…you know I'll love whatever you say."

"You know…words are so demeaning…they can't really describe…"

A sleepy smile found its way into the texture of Light's sweater, "You've been tryin' all this time…it should be no problem for you…"

"Fang…" Another small arch was her only response, and it made Light feel flushed with want. She whisked that want with their current situation inside her imagination, as though Fang's ear were the paper she had so desperately clung to for weeks; her gentle voice the blue pen she had relied on so vociferously. "Being here, dancing with you…it feels so right. I never want to leave… So submerge into me…and take me, too, higher. Submerge within the light, illuminate my night…and let your atmosphere surround me… Submerge within _my_ light…all night…until we become the sun… Until_ I_ become undone.."

They had danced right over to the door, and Fang seemed about ready to fall to the floor in her lassitude. Lightning looked out the window underneath the blinds, noting the cerise quality to the sky; the sun would be rising soon. A hand automatically reached out to push the door open, and it abided her after a small click. Light let out a small chuckle, rolling her eyes before bending down to sweep Fang into her arms and guide her out of the building. The door was closed behind them after some difficult maneuvering, and Lightning decided with a quiet exhale to walk to the far point of the nearby pier that stretched along the oncoming undulations of sea water.

Fang's flaccid arms were still about Light's neck; her head cradled into Lightning's chest as she slept deeply under the steadily illuminating skies. Her feet continued in her delight, proudly, to be carrying Fang in this way, along such a locale, though her face didn't betray anything. As she walked along the length of the pier, she inhaled the brine in the air, took in the sight of seagulls soaring the skies along her line of sight…yet her seriousness was ever-present. It was a part of her, as Fang had grown to become.

Lightning reached the edge of the pier, bending down to sit cross-legged upon the surface. The wind blew faintly, caressing Light's hair and face with a gentleness she wanted to feel from something, some_one _else. She looked down at Fang quietly, feeling once again overwhelmed by her emotions, though they were different now. Being there, holding her; sitting away from the rest of the world underneath the luminescent dawn brought Light's small smile down to make a home in the warm roots of Fang's hair. Knowing that everything would be different now…it brought a slight sting to her eyes, one that she couldn't ignore.

Holding everything in had been so automatic; so easy, despite the strength of her emotions that she knew spoke volumes. Her boundaries would be tested and broken, leaving her exposed…but if it meant the chance to have Fang's heart swell with an unbridled fervor for her, she was willing to step away from her old blockades… Only Fang would be allowed to be submerged in Lightning's tempestuous storm of brimming vehemence and vigor. No one else.


	7. silently

_**vii. **__silently_

_An unspoken language voiced vociferously of Fang's entrenchment in the cerise bolts of chance and tumultuous zeal. She was ensconced in the quintessence of that idiom that only one other being spoke and understood just as well, or better, than she ever could. The exclusivity was erotic, in its own ways. _

Misplaced, she was, in her thoughts so discriminating and judicious—they were so because she could only think about one person, and she was careful to select which thoughts to dwell on of said individual. Allowing her thoughts to roam completely was not an option. They were to be as guided and controlled as the vehicle she was sitting in, en-route to Serah and Snow's to spend the night before flying to Nautilus the next morning. Fang had allowed Vanille to drive that evening. Her adoptive sister had earned her driver's license admirably some months ago, but there were still a few skills that needed to be fine-tuned. Yielding to oncoming traffic was a practice still very much in _practice _for her.

"Vanille!" shouted Fang, making the girl slam the breaks at the traffic light—the light had turned red during her reluctance to make the final left turn to their destination, but she had still tried to keep going at the last second. Fang was gripping the armrest of the passenger's door and the headboard irritably—it was hard to stay mad at Vanille when she was giving her such an apologetic look. "What in _blazes_ are you doin'…? You've made this turn just fine before!"

"I _asked you _to help tell me when it's best to go!" Vanille's face changed to one of sheer confusion when Fang only gave her a look of disbelief. "I did…I asked you to help me, you _know_ how frightened I get of this intersection..." This was very much true. The disbelief steadily turned to guilt. "Just what are _you _doing, Fang…?"

"Ahh…um." If she got started on anything now, she knew she wouldn't stop for a very long time to come. They were already late as it was. "The light's green and there's no cars comin', go!"

"Going!" Vanille thankfully eased her foot on the gas, looking relieved while she finished the turn and continued down the road of houses. There were several people milling about and partying outside, in pre-celebration for the beachside fireworks festival that evening. "So what were you thinking about?"

"If it ain't obvious," she sighed, "then I dunno what to tell you. I've been distracted all damn week because of this shindig—you know that, _I _know that."

"But it's not just the _party_ that's got you scatterbrained, right?"

The contented smile on Vanille's face as she drove made Fang regard her despondently. She was also annoyed by the shirtless men howling in the streets with beer bottles and flip-flops and trunks, and the women in their bikinis hanging off of the men and laughing loudly for no apparent reason. _Why _Snow and Serah chose to live in this area wasn't something Fang believed she could ever comprehend. She was used to peace and quiet at home, and if she wanted to make a fuss, she'd go out with Vanille or Lightning, sometimes both, and have a good time. Having the good time so close by and in danger of keeping her up at night with their incessant partying was of no consolation to her.

She would rather have something, some_one_ else keeping her up at night, _all _night, learning of their secrets and fears and the ways they could move their hips just right to make her—

"No. No, it ain't just the _party._" It wasn't like Fang to be irritable. Normally she wouldn't give the partygoers a second glance. Vanille's cheery disposition and the reasons behind it was also putting Fang in a rather acerbic mood. All week, Fang had specifically avoided speaking of a certain subject that she was certainly capable of prattling on about for hours on end. "Where're you goin'? The driveway's right here…"

"Oh!"

The car jerked slightly at the sudden, soft brake, but Vanille was able to successfully drive up the small incline before the garage next to Sazh's car and park there. The absence of air conditioning once the car was turned off was stifling—Fang was ready to go inside, set her things down and change into her bathing suit, and get in the damn pool already.

Fang had her arms and legs crossed, rolling her ankle around, waiting impatiently. Vanille only tilted her head to one side, still smiling at her. Nothing. Fang gnashed her teeth minimally before pulling up the handbrake for her and making to open her door.

"Let's _go _Vanille—"

"Wait just one minute!" Vanille pressed the child safety lock button on her door; Fang only sighed in defeat and kept her forehead on the humid window. "You're in a bad mood, _and_ you've been avoiding talking about _something _ever since Lightning brought you back home at _six_ in the morning on Saturday. We're _not_ leaving this car until you tell me what's wrong!"

"The car's in _my _name," grumbled Fang, turning her head to leer in no particular direction, "so I should have a say in this too! And I say _let me out_. That's final—"

"Since when do you talk back to me like that…?" Vanille sounded genuinely hurt, but Fang's regard did not change.

"This's _my_ car—"

"Don't change the subject! Besides, we bought it together! Now what's the matter?"

"Nothin's the _matter_, Vanille—"

"Now you're lying to me!" Her pouting wasn't nearly enough to even make Fang's scowl budge in the slightest. "Honestly, Fang! Why are you like this? What's gotten into you? Is it because you haven't seen or spoken to Lightning in a _few _days?"

"No." _Yes_. _**Hell**_ yes.

The air about Vanille changed gradually, enough to finally rearrange Fang's face into a look of fear. Vanille's eyes widened into pools of reminiscence for a brief moment. Being housemates, and having rather thin walls in their home, Vanille was bound to hear virtually everything that went on in the abode whenever she was there. Sometimes the walls were known for absorbing information during her absence and relaying it to her unabashedly upon her return, but they sometimes took a while to tell her.

The comprehension of very frequent tellings of news caused Vanille to narrow her eyes that were twinkling in the light of a nearby lamppost. She was actually _smirking_ at Fang's dread, "You've been having naughty dreams about Lightning, haven't you?" Fang was unable to conjure any sound or suggestions for another subject. Vanille reverted to her usual sunny expression and nodded triumphantly, finally pressing the safety lock button once more. "That's all you had to say."

"But that ain't _all _of it," Fang finally let out, as though the words had been constricting her and carving her scowls so painfully, "and _why _were you _smirkin' _about that? You usually shy away from those kinda topics…"

"Do you _really _want to know why it doesn't bother me? Besides the fact that it's _you_?"

"Oh, I dunno…y'might as well tell me now that I've gone and asked…"

"Well…" Vanille opened her door and hopped out of the car to go collect their things from the trunk, speaking loud enough to be heard over the bustle of the neighborhood, "After hearing you moan her name—among other things—in your sleep for a couple of weeks now, I've simply gotten used to it! It took me until just now to figure out what it was, but no matter!" Fang smacked her burning forehead, growling deep in her throat. "I think you should tell her! And if _you_ won't, I think _I _will!"

"Are you mad? _Insane_, Vanille?" Fang lunged her body over to the driver's side to yell out there, not of the sensible mind to just open her own door while she crawled over and out of the vehicle and into the humid night air. Vanille only giggled from behind the red lid of the trunk. "Imagine what Lightning would think if she found out! Can you stop and really _think_ about that for a moment?"

"I already have." Fang had stomped over to her with a scandalized hand on her hip while Vanille handed her tan suede satchel to her. "_I _think she would be ecstatic. In her own ways. And then—"

"And then she'd go on to shag my brains out. Right…" Vanille closed the trunk on Fang's sour attitude, though she missed by a good few feet. She only looked up at Fang with an encouraging smile that spoke for itself before they proceeded along the large front lawn to the door. The passerby that had overheard their conversation were staring at them, Fang in particular. Not that she noticed. "Seriously, _why _aren't you freaked by this?"

"It's only natural." Vanille almost sounded like a doctor speaking to her hormonal adolescent patient. The assuring squeeze of Fang's arm didn't help matters.

"Now why don't you try _really _answering me this time…"

"I did," said Vanille cheerfully while ringing the doorbell. "Besides, we've already arrived!"

"I don't _care!" _Snow answered the door, wearing only swim trunks and an apron, spatula in hand while he grinned brightly at the two women, before realizing with a cheerless frown they were off in their own, very private world._ "_I've been pissy about all this all _week _because of how intense they've been!"

"Fang, really, you never seem to think about anything else," Vanille remarked, following Fang's lead and simply ignoring Snow while they walked past him and into his home without greeting. It was too late to explain what was going on, so they merely continued on without worry, "you never look at guys anymore when we go out. They all talk to me, fine, but even _you _won't talk to me. About all this. Now when exactly did it start?"

"I dunno…a few weeks ago at the latest," Fang sighed, following Snow's sheepishly quiet form to their room upstairs. He was a ways ahead of them. "It was all so _sudden_…like, they ravaged me, made me feel things I'd never felt before…I know I liked it, hell I _loved _it, but when I woke up and realized where I really was, it just hurt so damn bad, y'know? It was painful…it always is…but a part of me _wants _the pain…and a different _kind _of pain; the one I always feel when it's the first time."

"What pain, exactly?" Vanille sounded as though she were jotting notes on her mental clipboard now. Fang let out yet another sigh as they reached the top of the stairs, still following Snow.

"Losing it," she said simply. Vanille didn't quite follow what she meant. Fang couldn't stop herself from grinning, "There's always an…extra member, if y'know what I mean…don't ask me how it got there."

Vanille made a small sound of acknowledgment before she nodded in understanding this time. Though Fang wondered if she could _understand _the surging force that arrested her body so with the mere recollection of her dreams. Lightning was most decidedly a _very_ different person in her nightly and mental escapes…and whenever Fang wondered if she had the power to instill such a ferocity in Farron, it made her feel the need to sit down and fan herself off.

"Ahh…so, ladies…" Snow finally stopped in front of the doorway to their room for the night. Fang and Vanille looked up at him heedlessly, as though he hadn't heard a word of they had been talking about. He gestured awkwardly through the door, "You'll be staying in Light's room tonight…special request from Sis herself. Sazh and Dajh have the guest room and Hope's got the only other spare room…"

"What?" Vanille had enough confusion on her face to make up for Fang's blankness—the huntress was busy floating in Lightning's unadorned, moonlit room without question, without protest to indeed go sit down upon the large bed and fan herself off. "Where will Lightning be sleeping if we're in her room?"

"Said she'd be busy tonight," shrugged Snow. Vanille looked thoughtful while she nodded and followed after Fang. "She's _here, _though, in case you're wondering… We're all in the backyard in the pool. Well, Light and Sazh aren't _in _the pool, but they're out there. Dajh is asleep down the hall." Fang had to keep telling herself to at least _breathe _normally at the mention of Lightning after such a conversation. Snow rubbed the back of his head and laughed nervously, "Okay, well…get changed whenever you feel like it and meet us down there…Serah and I'll have the food ready in no time!"

Vanille only smiled wistfully at him before he uncomfortably took his leave to go back downstairs. Fang was sitting at the foot of the bed, away from the door, staring out the large window at what little she could see of the pre-festival displays—there were people flying about on airbikes, spelling luminescent words and phrases in the sky that she couldn't be bothered to decipher from such a distance.

She had no doubt that everyone would make their way over to the fireworks festival—it was scheduled to begin in a little over an hour, but Fang was unsure if she could bring herself to go. She had no idea of what _one_ thing she wanted to wish for. Perhaps she would wish for a stronger will when it came to her blinding emotions, one as powerful as Lightning's.

"Fang…" Vanille picked up an envelope and a tall chrome perfume bottle from the dresser next to Lightning's Lionheart, turning around to hand them kindly to her sister. "I think she left these here for you. It has your name on it, and the bottle was sitting on top of the letter." Fang appreciated Vanille's small smile while she accepted the envelope and gift—it was warmly encouraging, as were her next words, "I'm sure she's been busy working to free up time for this weekend. And likely _planning _for your time together. I don't think you've anything to worry about."

"I ain't _worried_, Vanille.._._" She looked down at the lozenges in her hands, smiling fondly at the handwriting on the envelope before setting it down to open the cap of the bottle. "I like letting her call the shots…takes the burden off my shoulders, and I like that she ain't jumpin' the gun with all this. I love her style…I'm intrigued like _hell _by her, Vanille. But damnit, it's such a bitch _holdin'_ _everything_ _in, _waitin' to see when she'll make a move, and…"

"And…?" Vanille was smiling at the mellowed look in Fang's eyes after she inhaled the fragrance of the perfume. She bent down after a moment of no response and smelled the scent, letting out a pleased sigh, "Mmm, it smells so nice! It's nothing like the kind you usually buy!"

"Yeah…I mean, no…" _Nice_ wasn't quite the right word to describe the aroma. It was heady, but not at all overwhelming; the scent was crisp with an energy that made Fang think of nothing but sex. It smelled of her dreams, somehow…deep and exhilarating, with hints of roses and rainfall. The striking likeness of the smell to what she _felt _was…_mystifying_ to say the least. "…and I think my mind just came from smellin' this perfume…from realizin' what it might mean…"

"What…?" Vanille was holding in a fit of giggles behind her hands, biting her lower lip. Fang couldn't tell if the girl was happy because of her comment or if she wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. She was starting to understand her own reclusiveness as of late with her emotions—actually voicing them to people, even Vanille, might have netted her the types of reactions she didn't want to see or hear.

"Never mind…"

_I guess it never was the way I thought it was. I say this only just because I see you've come to love being around me so much; you've come to love each story I have to tell with my every word and expression and silence and stoicism. So I want to let you know that you're welcome here, in my room and my home, and welcome with me, however you want to be. Anytime you want something, anytime you need something, just make yourself at home with me. I'm here for you, and I'll be whatever you want me to be._

_You hear me, hear my emotions creep slowly; keep listening with your heart—don't speak. I want you, with your spirit and soul, to tell me tonight, silently, exactly how you feel about me and how you think I feel about you. Tell me each thought without a word; see through me and tell me. I'm sorry it's been so long, but the wait is enjoyable in its own ways, isn't it? I know what to do now to make us come true. _

_Your beauty and your heart, mind times your soul, makes it so that there's no one like you, and I really like that about you, Fang—your exclusivity. If you don't know what that means, I'm willing to show you, but only if you really want to know—if you really want me to show you. I know you know me better than anyone at this point. You've been able to hear my emotions scream slowly for you, hearing them with your heart, intertwining what you hear with the splendor right in your core._

_So if you want more, tell me without a word. I'll be able to tell if you're trying to or not. No one else needs to understand us, our body language and what we're experiencing…it's none of their business._

The hot, airless skies were growing brighter still from the intensifying displays, as Fang observed while she absently floated upon her back in the lukewarm water of the glistening swimming pool. The waves from the commotion NORA and Serah's friends from high school were creating on the other side of the pool were keeping Fang afloat and gliding along aimlessly by herself. Her face and the top side of her body in her black two piece was bright with sweat while she regarded the skies blinking with color after color, keeping her listless gaze from being warmed by the view of any constellations whatsoever.

When the lights began to bore her, she slithered her gaze over to the pair standing and talking a distance from the group while on the lawn near the outdoor dinner table, but not so far away as to seem rude. Sazh was in swim trunks and a plain white shirt, gesturing sagely with his hands as he spoke to Lightning, who was sure enough in her usual attire for the festivities. Light had a hand on her hip, knee bent while she listened attentively, appearing to be asking questions that Sazh would either respond to right away or rub the back of his afro before providing an answer.

That posture of hers was so confident yet so _natural_. Fang kept her languorous poise while she observed the curve of Lightning's hips, watching her switch her footing every so often; memorizing that relaxed grace about her that was hidden so well in her aloofness, in her unrepressed appeal—as unrepressed as Lightning herself was so very withdrawn and cold. How Light was able to conceal such a soulful person behind her exterior was beyond Fang; beyond reason, and beyond merely mesmerizing.

The enticement Light had about her was dexterous in its essence, just as she herself was, smoothly keeping Fang floating along in her fascination. The Lieutenant hadn't even tried to use her hidden charms to lure her in person—it had happened so naturally, so progressively that it was analogous to Fang's own physical state.

She was merely floating along, and physics was keeping her above the water that she wished she could be welcomed into; submerged into without any effort on her part. Though physics could not explain her ailment; her growing infatuation, craze, zeal—_whatever_ it was, if it even had a name or a definite form or figure. All she knew was that it was clawing at her insides the more she kept it inside, but she wanted to follow Lightning's lead no matter what the cost. Fang knew she wouldn't ever be led astray by her. The knowledge that Light even cared enough to do anything at all like this was a wonder in and of itself.

She wanted more, craved more, _needed_ more of Lightning. The ruckus on the other side of the pool was keeping her from sinking. Other people, and their own personal hesitations were keeping them apart—keeping their feelings merely on the surface, afraid to sink further and deeper into each other.

Yet from Lightning's engrossment in her conversation with Sazh, Fang began to consider if this is how Light wanted things to happen. The slow fluidity of it all, with strong hints; possibilities of much more to come—it was all such a delectable inveiglement to Fang, one that she wanted more and more of…she wanted Lightning to make the first move, to see _how _she would do it and _what _she would do, but that didn't mean Fang couldn't approach her.

Fang reversed her position to swim unhurriedly to the railing near the shallow end, keeping her slight scowl on Lightning while she exited the pool. Watching her so closely was purely unnecessary, but it was unavoidable—as inevitable as the stubborn droplets of water sliding from her olive skin and the ends of her hair, down to the warm cement underneath her indomitable footsteps. Drying herself off was not necessary—she needed to get to Light, now. Fang felt that familiar hounding about her while she swayed over to Lightning, but it was for completely different reasons this time.

She felt vulnerable—she was wearing less, _much _less clothing than Light—and her entire reasoning for approaching her had to do with that susceptibility of hers. How this vulnerability towards Lightning had come about was something she couldn't figure out on her own. Light would just have to wield her—wield _it_—and show her the finer qualities and nuances of her newfound exposure.

"Gee, uh, I dunno actually," Sazh was saying to Lightning, neither of them appearing to have noticed Fang approaching them, or really only Light, while dripping wet and wearing nothing but a bikini. "My wife had her days, but she was usually pretty conservative about things."

"And what would happen when she had her days?" Light asked with interest. "Did you make those _days _happen or did they just come out of nowhere?"

"Ohh you could say I did a little somethin' somethin' here and there," laughed Sazh, somewhat embarrassed while Lightning gave a short chuckle along with him. Fang narrowed her eyes, observing the two while she gave a soft smile at their inattentiveness. "She'd get real happy to say the least.."

"Happy?"

"Yeah! Like, if I bought her somethin' nice, she'd wear it when she was tryin' to tell me she had some things on her mind…that was how we spoke about those kinda things. There was passion, yes…but it was so subtle. We loved each other…so much. I knew it killed her that I worked so much, flew the long flights…shoulda switched to those shorter flights I'm on now, _before_ it was just me and Dajh…"

"So your work kept you two apart?"

"Unfortunately…"

"Is that why everything was so…subtle?"

"Hmm…I never thought of that, but I think you're right. When we was teenagers it was real different alright—definitely not so subtle! I promised her we wouldn't lose our spark, and the truth was, we never really did…we just got older—things changed…but, hey, Lightning, you sure you don't mind talkin' about this…? Seems a little odd…"

"No, I don't mind." Lightning placed a hand on his shoulder while he slumped over, sighing nostalgically. "Something really seemed to be bothering you, so I wanted you to get it off your chest. It's not doing you any good staying inside of you like that."

Lightning moved her hand from Sazh's shoulder to reach behind her and intercept Fang's approach, bringing her close with an arm about her waist despite how wet her entire body was. Fang gave a slight start but could only stare at Lightning incredulously—she should have known. "Isn't that right, Fang?"

"Um…" Fang had one arm slinked about Lightning's hips and her other hand was directly on her chest—she had been frozen in that position for some time, slowly realizing that they were _really _standing like this, and that Sazh wasn't even batting an eye at them. It was as if it was completely normal to him that Fang would be all over Lightning in this way. Light was merely looking at her with a silent patience. "Sure. Nothin' wrong with expressin' y'self, Sazh…you suffered a terrible loss. I'm sure it eats away at you from time to time…"

"My thoughts exactly," concluded Light while Sazh smiled at them both.

Fang couldn't keep from pressing her face against Lightning's that held a exceptional smile, laughing with her at the irony of it all. Sazh was still smiling at them, clearly thinking nothing ill or bizarre of their behavior. It was comforting to have his understanding. She even fooled herself into thinking that Light could have kissed her in that moment, taken advantage of their frivolity…

Yet once Snow announced from the direction of the grill that dinner was ready, she was thrust back into reality so suddenly, with her only succor being that Light was still holding her—guiding her gently and graciously by the waist to the table to sit and eat with the rest of their friends and family. No one else existed in the imaginary situations she had of her and Lightning. Was it wrong that all she wanted was some simple _alone_ time with Light? _Simple_…it was very undemanding in all its complexity, to be sure.

Fang was in the large kitchen, alone, helping herself to a glass of champagne per Snow's insistence while everyone else was slowly making their way inside. It was nice to have gotten away from the large crowd for a moment—Serah had several friends that would of course be attending the local university with her starting in the fall. They were a nice group of kids, and even Lightning approved of them, but Fang could tell Light had wanted to interject Snow's constant mentioning of starting a family with the reminder that Serah still had school to finish.

She still had her black bathing suit on, with a pair of white shorts on to have a modicum of decency while not in the pool. The entire house was only lit by the moonlight, as well as virtually every other house in Bodhum, to 'conserve electricity for the fireworks festival', or so Serah had explained. It made sense but it was still an inconvenience. Then again, it seemed that several of the more notable encounters she'd had with Lightning had transpired in the dark. She smirked at the thought while she went ahead and retrieved a second glass for the Lieutenant.

Just as she put the bottle away and picked up the two glasses of sparkling champagne, she turned around to find Lightning leaning against the archway of the entrance to the kitchen, arms folded and hip cocked, regarding Fang austerely; _piercingly_. The silence about her sublimated into an unsettling haze within Fang, the point of origin being those icy eyes of hers gleaming in the moonlight through the kitchen window. The sudden seriousness startled her, to say the least, but to say more still would not suffice in describing the bout of arousal she felt at the sight, at Light's silently thunderous presence—it successfully negated the sounds of approaching _other _beings from the backyard.

"Well," began Fang, at least managing a small smirk while she sauntered over to Light, both glasses in her hands, "I must say, Lightning—Hell hath no fury than the flurry of your storms." She handed Farron her glass, and Light accepted it without rupturing her gaze. Fang's expression coagulated into one of asceticism; showing confusion didn't feel right. "Why so serious, hm?"

"Are you going to the fireworks festival or not?" Lightning was still strangely unyielding. Fang scoffed despite herself and shook her head. "I thought so. Whenever someone would bring it up, you'd clam up. Why don't you wanna go?"

"I ain't got nothin' I need to _wish _for in order for it to come true." Blunt weapons were the only defenses Fang had to handle Lightning's sporadic strikes. "What's the big deal?"

"It's insulting to the town you live in—the town where I'm _from_—if you don't go."

Light said it as if it really were some sacrilegious thing to not attend this festival. Fang began to worry, wondering if she was stepping on some years-old tradition. She no doubt had had several back on Gran Pulse, and she knew the severity that had accompanied the decision to ignore the rituals.

"Wait, hang on," Fang relented, looking rueful, "if it's really that big of a deal then I'll go, honest I will. I didn't mean no harm. I just thought it was a display for the hell of having an event…"

"Oh, I lied." Light took a sip of her champagne. "It _is_ just a display." She smirked into the glass at the same rate Fang's dismayed reaction came about. "It's called a _joke, _Fang. Get a grip."

"Damnit, Lightning…" Fang pressed a firm hand against the wall of the archway Lightning was still leaning on—and chuckling on. "Don't poke fun at me like that, alright? I ain't from here, or even from this damn _era _for what it's worth..."

"Just breaking the old geezer in quicker," Lightning shrugged, sneering. Fang growled and began sipping from her own glass, savoring the dryness of the effervescent alcohol as it went down her throat. She figured Light must have _really _liked her if she was making fun of her as if they were in primary school. "Anyway, I'm going. Try not to miss me too much while I'm gone."

"Not without me, you ain't," Fang counteracted, scowling and shaking her head. Light merely continued to sip, giving her a challenging look for her to continue. "What exactly d'you have to _wish _for in order for it to happen? You've got enough strength and will on your own."

"Serah's success in college comes to mind," Light replied civilly. Fang wasn't convinced. "She's going for her history degree. She loves history, even though she told me her _historical curiosity_ was what made her wander into that damn Vestige in the first place…" They both knew that was in the past, and that Serah's grades were going to be remarkable regardless of whether or not her elder sister wished them to remain as such. Lightning tried again, "Her and Snow's marriage?"

"Nice try, Sunshine." Fang shook her head, stepping even closer to Light and scowling. "Try answering my question for real this time. You ain't gotta _wish _for nothin' for it to happen—I'm right, right?" Light's smirk still remained while she nodded and sipped her champagne. "So what's the point in goin' if I don't want to?"

"_Someone's _awfully selfish tonight, aren't we, Fang?" She couldn't believe it—Farron was being a downright, first-class tease—Light had even raised an eyebrow and inched her upper body closer to Fang in her mockery. Fang's attempt at a sip of her drink ended in her glass missing her mouth by a mile, despite her jaw hanging open at Lightning's strange behavior. It had to be the alcohol. "Just say what you really wanna say already—_you _think I should spend the night alone here with you while everyone's out." This was true, but it wasn't everything… "Well?"

"Why're you bein' such a bloody vixen all of a sudden?" Fang found that her emotions were growing off the charts due to the fizzy flush she felt in her face, despite only having had but one glass. Lightning's look of superiority wasn't helping to tone down her confrontational attitude in the slightest. "Outta nowhere?"

"You gave me the liquid reason. Now just tell me what you really think and I'll stop—"

"What I really _think _is that you truly ain't got no impossible desire that you need to _wish _on so it'll come true! So _what_ if I'm bein' selfish? I got the right! Everything you want is here, right here! I've been here all this time, hardly wearin' anythin', clearly _wantin' _you, and you…you…"

Fang trailed off upon hearing a whisper from one of Serah's female friends—_They really _are _together, aren't they? _She and Lightning both whipped around to leer at their large group of eavesdroppers standing by the sliding glass door to the backyard. Sazh and Dajh had already left some time ago.

Snow spoke up for everyone, though it was painfully awkward, "Uhm…hey, sorry to interrupt... We're about to head out to the festival…might hit up the nightclub afterwards…I take it you two are staying here, so—"

"_Goodbye_, Snow," Lightning and Fang ground out at the same time.

They watched the group migrate unceremoniously to the door. Fang was pointedly avoiding glaring at Vanille, and she knew Lightning was keeping her scrutiny away from Serah. Those two were not to blame—they were just as curious as everyone else—but Fang didn't want to see Vanille possibly _smirking _at her again, and she figured Light had similar reasons for not wanting to face her sister.

Once the door clicked shut and locked, it took next to no time for Fang to really feel the comfort of solitude surround her. Solitude with Lightning, once again, except they were no longer dancing around their feelings as they had been for close to two months now.

"Don't get me wrong, Fang." Lightning seemed satisfied by her earlier outburst while she moved to go open the refrigerator to retrieve the bottle of champagne, and Fang followed her. The sudden gust of cold air along her body didn't cool her down in the slightest. "I'm not afraid to take you."

"Then why haven't you done it?" Fang toned her voice down a decibel, but only just. She was unsure as to why she was allowing Lightning to refill her glass. "If you ain't scared like you claim you are then what's the big deal?"

"Do you think that's all I want?" Light had finished refilling her glass but set the champagne bottle down on the nearby counter with an audible thud. "Because if you do, I'll let you know right now that you're sadly mistaken. Don't mix me up for those guys with a one-track mind who talk to you whenever you go out with Vanille."

"For you information, _Farron, _I've since stopped lettin' guys even _look _at me whenever me and her go out."

"What's the point in going to a nightclub if you don't want guys looking at you?" Lightning folded her arms over her chest, swirling her glass about between her index and middle finger, palm facing up. She and Fang were beginning to take gulps of their drink by the minute. "Or do you just like the attention?"

"I guess so, since I seem to not get enough of anything from _you._"

"I'm doing my job, then, since you clearly want more."

"Oh you think you're real hot shit, don't you?" Fang snorted, setting her empty glass down on the counter before walking out to the parlor. "Global warmin' ain't got nothin' on you, eh?"

"You're no ragdoll to play with either, Fang." Lightning was following after her—where Fang was going, she didn't know; walking aimlessly about the house to not be provoked further by the cold teasing in Light's eyes was all she could do. "I know you'll make me regret it if I mess with you. That's not what I'm doing. I _know _what I'm doing."

"Right, right, 'cause you're on _top _and you mean business." Fang looked about the furniture in the living room for a moment before making a sharp turn to walk over to the staircase. "As Etro as my witness, thanks to you, my summer's gone frigid, y'know. I know you can hear it freezin' up every time you look at me like that and don't follow up with nothin'—"

Lightning stopped her just as she walked up the first two steps, holding onto her hand with enough gentle force to congeal her in place all over again, "Will you forgive me for wanting to show you that I care about you before anything?" Fang thought back to her letter, surmising that she had done a poor job of conveying her feelings _silently, _and without anyone else snooping since it wasn't any of their business. "Fang…I understand you're upset. But I can't read your mind—I asked you to be silent because I'm trying to get a better handle on the mind-reading thing."

"Hmph." Fang finally turned her head to look down at Lightning smiling at her. _Smiling? _Two times in a night around it was now that she had smiled. And Fang felt herself slipping along the slope of those lips that were curved into such a smoothly soothing expression, as though Lightning were on her knees in her adulation—it was confusing, _she _was confusing, and it was an overdose that made her heart want to explode with questions. "Go on."

Light sighed contentedly; as contentedly as someone of her character could manage, at least. "If it makes you feel any better, I've finally thought of a way you can pay me back for that shopping spree." Fang only pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. "Don't hold back with me. For anything. I told you last weekend to submerge into me. You can't do that if you leave parts of yourself behind."

"And why should I do that?" Fang just decided to go along with it; milk this moment for all it was worth, though she knew she didn't have a large enough container for everything.

"I can't take you completely if you won't give all of yourself to me."

"Again, you bring _that _up," Fang sneered, ignoring her flushed face at the recollection of her earlier conversation with Vanille. "Stop givin' me the flowery language for one second and tell me why you're stallin'. I ain't got no problem givin' m'self to you right this second! But no, I'm waitin' for you to act 'cause I'm too damn curious to see how you'd _do_ it and I'm tipsy already from only two glasses of cheap champagne 'cause _you're _makin' my emotions soar and crash back down, _repeatedly, _without a _lick _of effort—"

"You're welcome—"

"_You're welcome_?"

"Yeah, I said you're welcome here, in my room, and with me. And thanks."

Lightning only bent down to kiss Fang's perspiring, slightly trembling hand, licking the warm skin with the moist tip of her tongue to make a point, one as soft and stirring as her gestures. She soon let go of her hand, and yet Fang kept it there in her disbelief, staring down at Light's typically unreceptive expression now that they were no longer touching in any way.

"Anyway," Light folded her arms, giving a sidelong glance to the door, "I actually have to go to the festival. I have surveillance duty there, to free up time for this weekend until Tuesday or so. I'm not making up any time by staying here with you." She looked up at Fang gaping at her now. Farron gave her a diminutive smile. "I'm doing this for you, you know. You're the only reason I've ever had for not making it to work on time. This will make the third time now, I think, after six years of never being late. I guess you just distract me too easily."

Fang couldn't find it in her to say anything, or even apologize. Lightning only let out a short chuckle before walking up the first step of the staircase and pulling her in for a surprisingly demonstrative hug. Her mind was further broken apart into miniscule shards that melted in the heat of her flushed face when Light actually gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek.

The longer they stood there, Fang found that her shock could very much be blamed on how enthralled she was by Lightning's surprises. Her flow, her style, her movements, her thought-patterns, her mannerisms, her speech…all of it spelled out such a captivating character that still hadn't even begun to seduce her. _Still. _And yet Fang already had it so damn bad.


	8. silence and motion

_Leave Me Alone – Apocalyptica _

_**viii. **__silence and motion_

_Blossoming was intrinsic, and though visible to the world, was not a sport; not a spectacle for all to see. Fang knew the repercussions of wearing her emotions on the sleeves of the skin on her shoulders, of being so emotional that it hurt whether she ripped the sleeves off or not—that it hurt even more when she did nothing but let them show until they dried. _

_With Lightning, she learned that this process was much like the drying of blood on her bare skin. Light was there—in that red—and she stuck to it enduringly under every and any circumstance, like the tattoo upon her flesh, giving her absolutely everything she had whether Fang knew it or not._

Nautilus Park was a phenomenal spectacle to behold at night; to be walking along in the graces of such company among the bustling and excited crowd. The temperature outside underneath the glittering night skies was nearly perfect. Grand buildings and attractions that pierced the translucent honeycomb firmament with their multi-colored lights and extraordinary structural design held the attentions of many in the assemblage of the lively amusement park.

The evening had been eventful thus far, despite the simplicity that had accompanied the sunlight over the City of Dreams. Fang had stayed in her hotel room with Lightning for the greater part of the day—the soldier had been up the previous night and morning working non-stop. It was out of sympathy that Fang had convinced Lightning to stay in and get her needed rest. Her selfishness had made her stay in bed with Light, allowing herself to be held by her under the duvet while she had watched televised romance movies with the volume all the way down, ignoring any and all phone calls and room visits.

She knew exactly what had made her substitute the muteness of the several on-screen kisses she'd seen with the very audible sounds of her and Light's breathing. Nearly every wordless scenario she'd viewed that day had become a very imaginative role-play in her mind. It hadn't been strange to her, but a part of her was still growing accustomed to Lightning always being the subject of her frequent daydreams. Suffice to say there had been no sex scenes in the movies, but that hadn't stopped her mind from wandering nonetheless.

Fang didn't want the others to suspect anything, because there certainly wasn'tanything _to_ suspect, and had begrudgingly agreed to Vanille's ultimatum of spending time with the group for a few hours. _Or else._ Lightning nor anyone else hadn't seemed to think anything suspicious of it. Fang hadn't ever suspected Vanille being capable of blackmail. There was also the problem of the few hours having literally turned into the entire night already. It was past midnight, and not one person had suggested they split up to do different things. She seriously considered the possibility of Serah being in on the whole affair, judging from the girl's frequent probing glances thrown her way while she walked with Lightning.

Vanille was walking merrily along at the fore of the group, a large map of the amusement park in her hands, with everyone at either side of her, looking at it and deciding where to go next. Fang and Lightning were rather removed from the group, but were still close enough to join in on the conversation. Not that either was inclined to do any such thing. They had agreed to ride rides with them for the better part of the evening, and the adrenaline rush had been nice, but Fang could speak for both of them in saying that the rides had been lackluster in speed and surprise, compared to what they were used to from their regular lives of fighting and hunting.

Fang had her arm wrapped around Light's that was bent with her forearm underneath her chest, looking at her worriedly every so often. Lightning had been rather disgruntled all evening, clearly due to the persistent presence of the others—Fang surmised that Vanille's threat had made short work of Light's plans. To say that she felt guilty and rather displeased as well was a mere understatement.

"Are they _trying_ to provoke me or something?" Light muttered hotly in her ear. Fang only barely registered everyone in front of them agreeing to finally go to the chocobo corral; she regarded Lightning in silent question, finding herself under a similar stare. "Because if they are, it's working. If Serah looks at you like that one more time, I might have to let her have it."

Provocation had never been one of Vanille's strong points, but perhaps it was one of Serah's. The younger Farron once again looked back at her peculiarly, as though on a habitual timer, and Fang had to say _something _before Lightning could open her mouth, "I think she's just curious."

"_I _think she's just being annoying." Lightning gave the backs of everyone's heads a callous glare, and Fang could see the perceptive sprockets in her mind turning…and turning… "She knows I can't suggest we all split up, because then everyone's going to be asking _me_ questions about what really happened last night, or what's going on between us. It's really none of their business."

"Light…" Fang looked down at their linked arms, leaning into her more in a soft predilection, taking in the rain-scented perfume she could smell about Lightning's skin and uniform. It wasn't the time or place for this, but… "What _is _goin' on…between us? Exactly how d'you feel about me?"

An amenable digit was placed underneath her chin, raising her face and gaze to be detained by the sheer ardor hidden behind a deep-sated hunger in Lightning's taciturn eyes. The tenacity was rough and furious; as restricted as two dogs caged who were unable to make a sound. Incensed Fang's insides they did, paying no regard to what they burned along the way, leaving a roused smolder of an aroma in their wake—one that felt and smelled of her dreams so vigorous and feral.

She never knew one unblinking, lingering look could leave her so wanton and susceptible. Fang was powerless to stop her inflection from divulging her sentiments, "You really feel that strongly towards me…? And _that, _or…_this_…is what we are…?" Lightning nodded her reply, despairingly breaking their gaze the second before Vanille glanced over her shoulder at them this time. Fang felt a swell of anger grow inside of her while she hissed in Light's burning ear, "_Why_ does everyone gotta be so _damn_ nosy?"

"Because it's _me_ we're talking about. _I'm _actually…here _with _someone. With you.. I'm guessing they think if they stay around us long enough, we'll start to look normal together."

"We're anything _but _normal…" Her anger continued to grow still from evidence of their ruined trip. Granted it was partially her fault, but she had a feeling something like this would have happened regardless of Vanille's blackmail on her. "It ain't like we can exactly _explain _what we have together."

"Fang…" That whisper of her name was so unfathomable; so dispossessed in the medium between want and reason. It attuned her to a heat throbbing between her in time with her growing anticipation, "What are we doing here…? Why are we letting them think we want to spend all this time with them?"

"Vanille said—"

"_Forget _what Vanille said," Lightning bit back. Fang gave her a remorseful look that was met with a keen intensity, "I care about them, I really do, but now—_right_ now—all I wanna do is spend time with _you. _I've been too mad all this time to realize how much _time's_ passed, waiting for an opportunity to slip away with you."

"Lightning, you know good and well that they can and _will _follow us no matter where we go—"

"Not everywhere." Lightning actually flashed her a mischievous grin. "There's always our hotel room. We can easily be alone in there, you know." The throbbing Fang felt quickly grew to be agonizing in her heightening anxiety. "Besides, you hunt for a living. You know when and how to make a quick escape."

"And you soldiers are good with _plannin' _and proper _execution, _I hear." Fang sighed while she surveyed the area, noting the dwindling crowd. "I'm tellin' ya, they're gonna follow us…"

"I don't _care_," was the last thing she heard from Lightning's lips that had pressed against her warm ear before she was suddenly turned about face to enter a neck-breaking sprint alongside her. Their arms clamped together in a vice-like grip while they fled, and, sure enough, everyone except Sazh and Dajh was immediately on their tail; the two eventually followed out of total bewilderment.

Snow was shouting at them to slow down; Vanille was whining Fang's name near constantly. Serah was practically flailing about next to Snow while she held his hand, doing her best to keep up. Hope held up the rear, knowing that they were on a wild goose chase, and likely not even knowing _why_ he was running in the first place; he seemed to be content with calling Light's name repeatedly, however.

The sheer hilarity of the situation soon grew on Fang, and the thrill had her eyes and face smiling just as much as Light's. It was new, it was exciting, and it wasn't the exercise that was taking her breath away.

The crowd of people grew as the two sped their way back to the main city of Nautilus just through the drawbridge they had raced over. The late-night city goers were sure enough frazzled and confused by the two women who were charging through them while being chased by a group of people, linked by the arms and grinning broadly.

There was a foreign kind of excitement Fang could feel coursing through her while she tore through the city and any unfortunate souls who got in her and Light's way. Rushing past everything and everyone, feeling so light on her feet over her thin sandals, and actually hearing Lightning's occasional laughter make a harmony with her own was infinitely better than any of the rides they had been on. She hoped from Lightning's Guardian Corps shoulder plate that security wouldn't try to get involved, but they'd just have to outrun them too if they decided to intervene.

The bright golden lights of the hotel building soon came into view, and the two still refused to sever their momentum while they made a break for the open double doors. All the people in the doorway and the bright, high-ceilinged hotel lobby saw was a flash of blue silk alongside a red cape bolting past them and over to the dark marble hallway of the empty stairwell. Taking the elevator would be far too slow for their agenda, whatever it may have been. Their followers seemed to have stopped, but Lightning still guided Fang up the stairs, jumping up each flight with her seamlessly and effortlessly, all the way to the fourteenth and final floor.

Lightning already had the keycard ready by the time they jogged along the crimson carpet of the dimly-lit hallway to their room, managing to unlock the door in no more than two seconds and rushing inside with Fang, both of them ramming the door with her backs to close it. Fang slumped against the cold wood, erupting in a fit of jovial laughter. Lightning let go of her arm to eye her strangely with a small smirk on her face while she caught her breath. It took a small while before Fang calmed down to catch her own breath, grinning hugely at Light the entire time. It was the adrenaline that was making her so delusional.

"You all right there, Fang?" Lightning raised her chin slightly, placing a hand on her hip while Fang stood properly and nodded.

"I'm _more _than just all right, sweet pea," replied Fang breathlessly, waltzing past Light and through the small parlor to the moonlit bedroom. "This's what I call a date, that's for damn sure!"

"What, running off with me and away from our nosy family?" Light was of course following after her, and Fang could hear a smile in her voice. It gave her the last bit of breath she needed to fill her lungs comfortably while she plopped down on the silken russet duvet of their soft queen-sized bed.

"Yep," sighed Fang, stretching minimally while Lightning walked over to one side of the bed to sit down and remove her boots. "Except now we're stuck here…"

"Yeah…" Lightning continued her task in a quiet concentration, one that was slightly disconcerting. Fang couldn't see her, but she could easily venture a guess that she was scowling while she began to unbuckle her jacket. "I wanted to take you to the Sunleth Waterscape. Sazh told me all about it yesterday. Thought it would be a nice place to get away from everything."

"We could still try and go." Fang recalled Vanille telling her of the place while she smiled at Lightning's efforts. "I'm sure everyone's given up by now."

"The boats stop running there after midnight. They probably sealed the place off by now anyway." Her tenor steadily grew more and more meditative. Fang shifted uncomfortably at the sounds of Lightning placing her pouch on the nightstand. She sat up to remove her sandals to have something to busy herself with. "I had a few other things in mind, but everything's closing now. So much for my plans…"

If guilt tasted dry and parched and cracked in one's mouth, Fang was certain she could taste her own distending by the second while she moved to sit cross-legged upon the bed, facing Lightning properly. Light had a deeply forlorn look about her while she scowled at her gloves atop her folded jacket upon the nightstand. She then inquired quietly of a matter that had clearly been on her mind all day, "Why did Vanille make that ultimatum to you, Fang? Even I know it's not like her to be cunning like that."

Fang sighed, figuring she might as well throw some good-humor into her confession. The last thing she wanted was to make Light uncomfortable—she knew how shy she was. "Fine, I'll admit it: I've been misbehavin'…been thinkin' nasty thoughts about you, havin' the same kinda dreams about you, about us…and I've been nothin' but quiet about it in my sleep. Vanille…well, she _hears _me."

"And she threatened to tell me if you didn't," Lightning concluded summarily; far too quickly for Fang's liking. "She also wanted to snoop and see how I treat you, because she's a little protective of you, but she only has the best of intentions. Her snooping then somehow overtook the entire night. Her _and _Serah's." Light still wouldn't make eye contact. "Snow's also been staring at me all day."

"He, um…_overheard—"_

"You _had_ one while you were sleeping in _my_ room?"

"No! Well…maybe, I don't know, but Vanille and me were talkin' about it when we first got to his place last night, and…he _overheard_ us even though—"

"Wait. You don't even _remember_ whether or not you had a wet dream about us last night?"

"Lightning…" Fang buried her burning face in her hands and rubbed it raw. This wasn't quite how she'd pictured Light's reaction to her little problem. She kept her hands tangled in her hair with her elbows propped along her thighs, staring at her legs; focusing on them to keep from focusing on something else. "I don't even understand these things m'self, alright…? I ain't never felt this way before, never felt so damn dirty before… They're _intense _and they happen often but that don't…make me a different person or nothin'. _Please _understand that…"

"Tell me about them."

It was pointless to voice that she felt it best to _not _detail her nightly escapades at the present time, but Lightning was obdurate. That obstinacy was but one of the qualities Fang found attractive in her to begin with, even though it _really _wasn't working in favor of her mounting nerves, "D'you want the short version or the…long…version…?"

"Say as much as you feel comfortable telling me."

A sizable ounce of compassion was there in her soft voice that was barely above a whisper, but Fang still couldn't manage to voice anything whatsoever. A metal plate was stuck in her chest, and it was melting in her shame, the taste seeping up her throat; the heat simmering her nerves slowly, steadily.. They hadn't even gotten to first base yet and she was being told to talk about her dreams as though they were absolutely normal. Told by the very subject of her hankering dreams, while in the City of Dreams, during a ruined date with her _dreams _and their nosy sisters to blame.

A stubborn bout of pride kept her silent for several more painful minutes. Pride, and the side-splitting truth that she wasn't able to gauge Light's reaction would be, couldn't trust that Light wouldn't further blow her top. Several terrible names came to mind of what Lightning might have called her; several accusations sprung about that could have been made against her.

Her torso convulsed lightly in a smoldering spasm when she could no longer feel Lightning's weight on the bed once she stood up. Fang could hear her soft footsteps along the carpet; soft in their dignity and strength, not at all pathetic like she felt. Her dismay multiplied tenfold at the sound of Lightning's deliberate drone while she continued walking away:

"And you wonder why I haven't kissed you yet. Well, there's your answer for you."

Fang continued to sit within herself while she listened to the bathwater running through the open door of the nearby bathroom. So she didn't _trust _Light as much as she thought she had… She did trust her…but this was different.

As _natural _as sex may have been, Fang was not adept with the matter, and was leagues away from being comfortable with the subject. No one had ever told her _about _it, growing up. There had been far too many other things to worry about at the time. She was comfortable with herself, even confident to a large extent, but she wasn't perfect by any means.

She also wasn't used to being weak or vulnerable; the types of activities Lightning subjected her to in her dreams were beyond merely exciting, but she had no idea why it was all so very thrilling. She was also confused as to why she found it revitalizing that the water had stopped and the door hadn't closed and that Lightning was getting _in _the bath. With the door open.

If that wasn't an invitation, Fang still shamelessly took it as one while she dragged herself from the bed and to the doorway of the dimly-lit russet bathroom.

The bath was along the left wall, and Light had her bare back to her, sitting completely still against the auburn ceramic. Fang felt rather meek at Lightning's gesture of moving her hand from underneath the water and next to her shoulder, curling her index finger beckoningly. She complied, stepping her bare feet over the large woolly rug and over to where Light had her elbow along the bath with her palm facing up. Lightning was slowly running her thumb over and under her same index finger while Fang stood next to her, looking down at her face and fingers and nothing else.

Lightning gestured for Fang to sit along the opposite side of the bath while she bent her knees. She crossed one leg over the other while her request was fulfilled, regarding Fang with a calculating look while her thumb continued its absent roaming of her index finger.

She spoke softly, benignly, "Since you can't seem to speak on your own, I'm going to ask you a few yes or no questions. Just nod or shake your head." Fang blinked in anticipation. "Do you know how nervous I am right now? How nervous I've _been _around you? But now, more than ever, considering no one's ever seen me like this before?"

A recoil of Fang's head and a subsequent shake of her head was her answer. Light let out a small snort, "I thought so. But since you can't find it in you to be strong all the time, one of us has to do it. And I'm not making fun of you for being vulnerable towards me."

Fang gave her a look of surprise. "Yeah, I know you are. I get how you feel. Did you not think I could tell?" No… "Do you think I'm stupid or something?" An outraged shake of Fang's head came before Light's small smile. "Do you _want_ to trust me?"

"I thought I already did…"

"Mmm, she speaks." Light laughed softly. Fang gave her a vacant look, one as vacant as her feelings for her were warm and unadulterated. "You will. I'm not going anywhere."

Lightning uncrossed her legs and swam closer to her, bending over enough to keep her body hidden while she stayed on her knees. She reached out and took Fang's hand in her damp one. A disarming regard had Fang hearing her heart thundering in her head around the next words she heard, "Fang…I want to take this slowly, one day at a time. This isn't just about sex, and I don't want this to be some worthless two-week affair. This is about a wait that's worth it. As lame as this sounds, _you're _worth it. I want to show you just how much. But I can't do that if…if you won't let me in."

"I want that for us too. _I want_ _you_ to.." Fang hardly registered Lightning's other hand along her tattooed shoulder, bringing her down carefully. "It's just…"

"Something you can't control." Light's breath was hot on her collar bone; how it got there was beyond conception. "I know…"

"_How…_" Her mind weaved in and out of veracity; wavered in and out in a small burst of heat with the velvet stride she felt along her neck in the shape of humid inhalations, "d'you _know_?"

Lightning was bringing her closer still, practically so that she was in danger of being submerged in the water, but lukewarm hands kept her steady, "I always thought trust had an on-off switch. Thought I could keep mine on with you when we first met, but only as comrades in arms. I also thought I had it off when it came to my feelings…like this…" A bright light flashed a tepid heat within Fang at the gradual butterfly she felt landing and flying off again along the underside of her jaw, "…for you… But then I saw something in you, something that told me I could be more for you, and I started to see you differently. It just happened. My feelings just happened. Just like yours did, _and_ your dreams, apparently…"

Fang nodded, or at least, she _thought_ she nodded; her neck and shoulders were scorching from the trail of earlier contact. Her face was ablaze from the very current contact of Light's parted lips along her skin glistening in the faint light of the bathroom, moving slowly and deliberately; soothingly and maddeningly. She felt her back and neck arching bit by bit in a deep-seated ache while she closed her eyes, allowing herself to continue falling and falling into Lightning's arms; listening to her speak her leisurely seduction over her skin.

"I'm willing to bet these dreams of yours are pretty bad from the way you shut me out earlier." Confirmation shaped itself as a shallow exhale, one laden with her soft voice so quiet and compliant. The watery shift she heard of Lightning's body while she stood couldn't awake her from her sultry coma; not even being picked up by her shook away the trance. "Am I the dominant one, or are you?"

"You," she breathed along Light's damp neck under her equally sodden hair, vaguely feeling herself being carried away from the humid bathroom and back to the chilly moonlit bedroom. Disbelief that Lightning was actually holding her while not wearing her eluded her. They made eye contact and kept it, strongly; deeply, "At least…it's always you in the end… Sometimes I start things, and sometimes I'm on top, but you're always in control… I always trust you to have it over me, all over me…"

Lightning kept Fang steady with one arm while she used the other to push the duvet aside, seeming ready to tuck her in for the night, "And why don't _you _want to be in control?"

Fang didn't have a definite answer. It had never been a question of whether she wanted to or not—Lightning had always just taken her without asking, without paying any regard for what she did or did not want. The lack of care behind her actions had been the thrill. Being shown what she _really _wanted had done it for her, made her get off without giving a damn about who she was or what the hell she had just let Light do to her. Control had always been thrown away alongside her inhibitions from the second she had fallen unconscious and saw Lightning there, wherever they had been, waiting for her.

Understanding held Fang steady while the cool sheets and mattress greeted her; the soft chill of the pillow met the back of her head that was aflame and perspiring with words unspoken. Lightning saw her answer in Fang's eyes, felt it in the way Fang's hands and arms slid up and over her bare back without hesitation. It was viper-like the way Light was standing over Fang, keeping her back bent in just the right way to keep her most intimate parts of her body from making contact with anything.

An agonizing wait it was until she nearly felt her entire body lift itself from the bed and further into the arms that were still holding her. A small flume of displaced fear settled through her at how much she enjoyed the sudden feel of lips over hers. The enjoyment was deeply rooted in frustration that the lips stayed there but did nothing more while Light spoke quietly, "I can smell you this time, Fang. Maybe you should take a bath while I'm out. I have to go make sure Serah is in Vanille and Hope's room. I need to have a talk with them. I don't know how long they'll keep me with them, but you seem tired anyway."

Protesting was futile. Holding her back wouldn't work. Lightning had already let go of her after placing kissing both of her eyes closed anyway. Before Fang could even speculate on what she _could _do, several pillows landed noisily over her face and body. She stayed put underneath them in a huff.

Lightning had swiftly escaped to the bathroom to put on her clothes, calling out "I'm leaving," to Fang before she did just that and let the door click shut behind her. The low humming of the air conditioner joined raucously with the sounds of silence in the room. Other, more far-off sounds greeted her that only further added to her frustrations—if she didn't know better, the constant banging she heard somewhere on a floor beneath her was not innocent in the slightest.

Fang eventually removed the pillows from her face and body, placing them aside in a deliberative resentment that they had kept her from _seeing _Light's body. The water and her manners had been in the way before.

In her bitterness, she had taken a while to notice the envelope that lay underneath one of the pillows farthest from her. She crawled over to it with an air of weightiness about her, feeling as though everything was determined to pull her down as of late. The irony was that she had expected her life to be simpler once she was no longer a l'Cie.

While she lay on her stomach and opened the envelope with careful hands, she surmised with a scowl that her life had become so simple that it hurt. Simple because these letters had become a staple of her days. Without them, she didn't know what to do besides hunt aimlessly near her home. It hurt because she never thought she would ever come to rely upon anyone or anything to keep her going—the pain was her sign that, perhaps, she wasn't supposed to be like this.

This…_this _was feeling like a small child at the sight of how long her letter was today. A small, weak, helpless, vulnerable child who was infatuated with the very embodiment of everything she was not.

_This is for if, or when, I start to notice that you think it's not okay to be yourself. The sooner the better, since at least that will mean that you realize it's useless to try and pretend with me. I'm writing this while we're on Sazh's airship to Nautilus, and you're asleep next to me with your head on my shoulder. It's nice._

_I don't want you to put on a face or an act for anyone, not even me—especially not me. Each word you hear and read me speak to you is from my heart, and that's why you feel the way you do about me. I need you, Fang. And I mean __you__, not some impostor. _

_The way you told me I had no business going to the fireworks festival is what I mean. I liked seeing that side of you, seeing that fire in your eyes that no one's probably ever seen before. I saw lust there while I kept looking in your eyes last night. I saw you, I felt you, and I wanted you more than I ever have before. There's another side to you behind that kindness and understanding everyone else sees in you. I know you're not that simple. I don't want simple, either. I want you, all of you, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to bring every part of you to the surface so I can see you in your true prime. _

_Everyone used to think I would never open up for anyone, not even Serah. But that was never the case. I was never bothered to let people try and figure me out, because there's nothing __to__ get. I'm just me, you're just you. You have so much soul and feeling inside of you that I've only been able to glimpse at. Well I want more._

_I'll tell you right now that my feelings used to scare the hell out of me. I didn't understand them, didn't understand myself for having them. Everyone around me was moving on, and the only thing I had going for me was my possible promotion at work. It was all I had, and I clung to it, but I knew I couldn't achieve my goal if I still had fears holding me back, even if they technically had nothing to do with my job. When I finally did make Lieutenant, I made a promise to myself that I would see if I could help you in the same way you've helped me. All you had to do was keep smiling at me even though I never smiled back. _

_Before, I felt like I was in pitch dark whenever I was around you. Broken branches kept tripping my words whenever I thought about saying something to you. I'd try to tell myself that just because I felt so much for you, it didn't mean that they were always there…but I was dead wrong. I thought you were a siren whenever you'd say something to someone else, singing me to shipwreck. I was in the dark and didn't know where you were, but I had too much pride to try and reach out to you. I thought I had to steer away from everything, away from you—if I tried anything in my fears, we'd just be a walking disaster if I ever got you to feel anything for me…we'd be an accident waiting to happen if I wasn't ready._

_I have this feeling that something's scratching it's way out from you—something you want to ignore and forget about. Emotions, part of you that'll never sew that you think no one will ever know about; whatever it is, I'll take it head-on. I'll take it no matter how it begins while I take my time to understand what it's all about. I don't want you to feel like you're all alone with no one around, with no way out. That's what I'm here for. _

_So give me your worst, Fang. I can take it. I'm not going to get scared off no matter what you do. If you need proof that I'm willing to be with you no matter what the cost, then I'll hand it to you on a silver platter if that's how you want it. You're strong, I know you are, but your strength is only as untamed as you can be when you mood calls for it. You have a lot of potential to be so much more than what everyone else can only guess at. I'm not saying I want to tame you. _

_Whether it's in your silence or the way you move, I want you to trust me. You want me, but I know we're not even half-way there yet, and that's perfectly fine._

_There's no rush._


	9. the wedding

_Penguin Freud – Mono _

_**ix.**the wedding_

_In the dusk of loss lay hidden the dawn of gain for Light. A mere chimera of despair, of anxiety diffused along the darkening horizon, indulging itself in the memories of yesteryear. The sun was poised to set over old commitments, bringing the moonrise to shine along new challenges, new nights, and the liberating promise of so much more to come._

Soft disbelief was held behind a quiet, wide-eyed stare. Similar hues met in the gaze emanating from different viewpoints, different perspectives.

It wasn't like Lightning to stare. But stare she did while she stood in the small, cool tent in the backyard of her sister's home. She looked down at Serah in her simple wedding dress, veil, and elegant ponytail for as long as she could, seeing that gentle smile of hers; taking in how beautiful she was for her day.

There were but a few moments before she had to walk down the aisle to give her younger sister away. If it had been a few months ago, before she had someone else to care for and look after, she was sure she would have been far more emotional than she was now.

She wasn't certain as to why the wedding was being held during the sunset, nor did she want to ask. The heat during the day was probably the reason, and it would have likely been unforgiving to a late-summer wedding. Given that she wasn't wearing a dress, Light was grateful for the more breezy quality to the air at the day's end. To her knowledge, no one had seen her the entire day except for Serah. The preparations had all been made with her help the night prior, and socializing with guests was superfluous to her, for there had been far too many pressing matters on her mind.

Lightning had been in the vestibule tent since the moment people started arriving earlier that afternoon, pacing, feeling outside conversations go in one ear and out the other. She hadn't been thinking about the awkward talk she had had with Serah, Hope and Vanille the night before last about a certain someone. Snow had come to mind several times, but she had tried to dismiss him. There had really only been two people on her mind all day. She was still gazing down at one of them. And the other…

Serah took both of Lightning's hands in hers, swinging their arms lightly while she spoke in a lecturing tone, "You know you haven't said anything all day to anyone, _and_ I hear you've been hiding. I thought no one was supposed to see _me_until you walked me down the aisle, not the other way around!" Light only swallowed air in response. "Is it because you're wearing a suit?"

"It's one of my formal uniforms," Lightning corrected, her throat feeling abnormally dry. "I couldn't wear the skirt. No one wears a skirt to their sister's wedding, so I went with pants instead."

Serah gave a once-over of her sister's fitting white jacket and pants ensemble while she nodded in approval. Her same shoulder plate was present, and she wore white dress shoes. Small, multihued badges and other various merits stood out along her coat that was only buttoned-up at the very bottom. A tucked-in dress shirt as blue as the stripes of her shoulder plate shone faintly underneath the smooth, sharp collar of her jacket. It wasn't anything to be embarrassed about.

"Well you could've at _least_done something about your hair!" Lightning rolled her eyes at Serah's giggling. "But really, you look nice today. I'm sure Fang will agree with me. She's here, you know."

"Of _course_ she's here. I know that. But this isn't about her, it's about you."

"But you're the birthday girl today—everyone really wants to see you too. And I have a hard time believing you've been M.I.A. all day because of _me_. It's not like you're the one who's getting married!"

"No, that's not what I meant…" Light looked away briefly, feeling rather ridiculous. She really had no idea why she'd been hiding away from everyone. Mingling was not her forte, but it wasn't quite like her to avoid it altogether. It had nothing to do with her birthday, either. "This is a big deal."

"You've been fine about it until today," Serah pointed out gently, her expression equally serene.

Lightning sighed shakily, wondering how her sister was still managing to smile despite her faintly trembling hands. She was nervous. Light was also nervous _for_her while she looked down at their clasped hands, gripping Serah's slightly to somehow calm her. She didn't know what else to do.

"I'm okay," Serah reassured her, "I'll be fine, and so will you. Snow…you know I love him. Everything will work out, and nothing will change between you and me. Don't worry."

"I'll have to see it to believe it," was Light's faint attempt at lightening the mood while she gave a soft smile. Serah brightened even more and laughed.

"You will. I'm not going anywhere."

The echo of the exact same words she had uttered to Fang the other night chimed in her mind in time with the sounds of the diminishing chattering outside. She heard people shushing each other, walking back to their seats, getting in a few last words and laughs from their conversations…

Serah noticed the slight trepidation in her sister's eyes that were glued to the exit of the tent. "I know it's a little late to be asking, but…you _really_ are…_okay_ with me marrying him, right…?"

Lightning unclasped their perspiring palms, regarding Serah stoically despite herself, before embracing her with a moderate exigency; one that resounded clearly to both of them that she wished she had more time. More time.. that had always been her only wish for the longest.

"I wouldn't be here for you if I wasn't."

The moment began to collapse within Light's constricted chest when she heard the soft notes of the song Serah had chosen. The woman's voice was warmly lilting, dotingly singing of her childhood dreams that she still held fast to in her adulthood, but the guitar's melody had a soft poignancy. The discord stung delicately at her eyes in their heartfelt essence, bringing a distinct verity before glistening eyes: she couldn't let her sister go. Not like this. Not with so many years worth of words unspoken.

Three immediately came to mind as they pulled away, while Lightning took Serah's arm in hers, watching her sister retrieve her bouquet of white roses from the table behind her. The briefest sight of her sister's back to her made the words –laced in her years-worth of unexpressed regrets—escape from her lips and into the open.

"Serah…" Her sister looked up at her with a quiet curiosity. She had to say it now, despite the foreign fear she felt, "I…want you to know that I…love you. I'm…I'm sorry I…never told you until now.."

Lightning hastily looked away; waiting to see her reaction would have been too much, even though she could feel the admiring surprise in Serah's eyes radiate right through her skin. She had to at least hide the sentiments pooling in her eyes—they were out of time. With a soundless, determined exhale, Light began to lead her sister out of the tent, along the white carpet that spanned the daunting aisle, and into the twilit sea of white chairs and standing guests without another word.

The dearth of the tent's shade—that was making her blink so much, or so she tried to tell herself. The attention of every smiling person on her and her sister didn't, couldn't, wouldn't perturb her. Some of them were crying feebly; all of them were smiling. Smiling because that was what people do at a wedding. Crying at the sight of the soft, shimmering streams along Serah's beautiful, smiling face that were falling in droplets right over her bouquet and her sister's sleeve.

Light kept her stoicism, focusing on the horizon ahead while she willed to keep her thoughts and emotions in check. She wished the receding sunlight and the faint zephyr would dry her eyes, dry her emotions; she wished she could stop walking, to somehow change the past, to make up for everything. Yet her desires went unheeded, as though they were unneeded—as though they didn't matter enough to be fulfilled. Serah was already moments away from marrying a man Light only really tolerated for her sister's happiness. Snow wasn't as bad as she had once thought he was, but regardless of anything, it wasn't her place to try and hold Serah back anymore.

She never pictured the day when she'd look into Snow's kind eyes, finally accepting that she couldn't blame him for her ineptitude. When she did in that moment, the benevolence and virtue she saw in his cleaned-up appearance, in the reassuring aura he had while he regarded her for a moment before looking back to Serah—it made her want to give in so much more, yet she still painfully refused.

Lightning felt it was too late to do anything as it was; she had waited too long, never stopped waiting, and would never have the chance to _wait_again. The possibility of it somehow happening with Fang genuinely scared her, but she wouldn't show or tell anyone that. She had to be strong, had to deal with it; prevent it on her own.

And when she finally directed her attention from the middle of the aisle to the front left row due to an ardent, arduous pull, she nearly felt her vaporous legs stop. She only slowed down; she was nearing the end of the road. The profound endearment she saw in that gaze made the tears in her eyes freeze sharply out of surprise. Fear of being seen in such a state, by such a person, slowly slipped down her stinging throat, trickling down her occluded chest, making her want to burst forth with everything with so much more fervor; a different kind of everything, this time.

Yet she stayed quiet, kept her defenses. The subsequent warming sensation she felt from Fang's presence alone helped to calm her, to still her racing mind. Profound was but one word to describe the look about her face and lidded eyes that were lit stunningly in the light of the sunset. The lustrous monochrome she saw reminded her that she had something, someone else to look forward to now; something with someone that she refused to mess up. A different chance to have so much more.

Standing before Snow and the officiant now, after the surge she had just felt—it wasn't terrible at all. Lightning found that she was able to bring Serah's hand to be joined with Snow's, managing a very small smile in response to Snow's broad one. There wasn't time to linger; she accepted his thankful, assuring whisper with a bow of her head and began to take her leave.

She of course had to look at her glowing sister before she left. Serah's susurration made her stop for a fraction of a second; made her face burn in her incredulity, "I love you too, Claire. Thank you _so_ much."

Lightning couldn't find it in her to say anything. She only smiled a bit more before going to her seat, feeling accomplished; relieved. Everything would be fine, and her sister would be cared for, protected. That was all she wanted for her in the end. Her earlier transfixion had kept her from realizing that her assigned seat was next to Fang's, who was still regarding her the same as she had been moments ago. Of course it was…

Once Light made her way over to Fang, everyone was asked to sit, and she did so, finding it hard to break their eye contact. The fitting, sleeveless royal blue garb Fang donned in place of a regular dress was vastly more elegant; more extrinsic than her usual sari—far more magnetic to Lightning's wide eyes. Her make-up was subtle, complimenting her tones so well. Fang's rather sleek hair seemed to shine more than usual; parts of it glowed a striking crimson in the eventide.

Lightning nearly felt her face take on a similar shade while her mind wandered very far away from the proceedings. The opening words of the officiant eluded her while she continued to stare, failing to notice Vanille next to Fang who was smiling markedly at her in her a similar rubescent garment.

Fang gave Light an oddly tenuous smile before pressing her supple lips to her ear, easing their faces in the direction of the altar while she murmured thickly to her, "Pay attention to them for now, not me. It's their day today, even if it is your birthday." She took Light's still sweaty hand in hers, holding it calmly, firmly running her thumb along the ungloved skin; noticing how stiff she'd grown from her actions. Her tenor grew dulcet in her satisfaction, "You can stare all you want later, handsome…"

The proceedings hadn't been excruciating to sit through, and Light, for once in her life, felt genuinely happy for someone else's fortunes, namely Serah's, but also Snow's. She was somewhat surprised at how calm and accepting she was about everything. Serah looked so happy; how could she be anything but at ease about that? If Snow ever broke his promise and made her sister cry, then Lightning would just have to take care of him. Until then, everything would be fine.

After the humorous speeches during dinner, Lightning stood with Fang holding her arm in the dim lights of the much larger tent in the backyard. Everyone was watching Serah and Snow have their first dance as newlyweds to her sister's favorite, crooning slow love song.

It was…_interesting_ to see Snow with a cleanly-shaved face and his hair slicked back while wearing a white tuxedo. The height difference between him and Serah was quite noticeable as they danced, but they worked around it well enough. Light felt rather short next to Fang, who was wearing heels for once in her life, though she seemed rather off. Vanille too for that matter—Lightning had just about forgotten that the girl was right next to her from how absent she was, staring openly at someone in the opposite corner of the tent.

She decided with a slight purse of her lips to let them both be. Perhaps they had gotten in an argument, which might have been why Vanille was not standing next to Fang. The possibility wasn't so far-fetched, but perhaps she was wrong.

Lightning thought back to midnight of that same day, when she had opened her birthday present that everyone chipped in for—a new, non-military-issue Grav-con Unit to replace her old one that had malfunctioned in the Hanging Edge. She had been thankful to her family, in her own ways, for their thoughtfulness. They knew she appreciated it, and them.

Vanille had been her normal self then, even going so far as to hug Lightning after she opened her gift, but Fang had been different. She had still smiled and commented appropriately, and had even chastely kissed her face a few times, including her lips—which Lightning had been teased good-humoredly about—but there had been something everyone else missing, something wrong. She was still trying to figure it out on her own, but she was getting nowhere, much to her irritation…

"Hey Sis, you there?" Snow laughed, suddenly appearing in front of her with Serah for all she knew. Light also finally noticed that Fang and Vanille had disappeared without a word. She looked around in silent awe, mentally praising their stealth, though at the same time wondering why it had been necessary to begin with. "It's your turn to dance with Serah! What're you looking around for, lose something? You look great by the way!"

"No…I don't think I _lost_anything," replied Lightning, looking up inertly at Snow's beaming face. She supposed he was far too happy to worry about her as he normally would have. "And thank you…" She didn't even have the heart to possibly use her 'I'm not your sister' line on him tonight. Technically, she couldn't anymore. "Is it just going to be us?" she asked Serah more than Snow.

"Yep, just us!" Serah didn't waste any time and took her sister by the hand, excitedly leading her to the center of the dance floor. Light was quite cognizant of the rather large audience in the darker background, and Fang and Vanille's sudden disappearance, so it was up to her sister to position their hands and arms correctly for the dance. "You're leading, Claire."

"Wait, hold on—" But the music did not wait, and Light was relieved that it was a slow song. The opening bass chord was one that she recognized immediately. "Daddy's Little Girl?" she asked with a slight grin, raising an eyebrow while she began leading the dance. "_Really_, Serah? Out of all the songs you know, you pick this one for me?"

Serah only shrugged, smiling up at her sentimentally, "Dad would've loved it…so I thought you'd at least appreciate it. For him, I mean…" Lightning returned the smile, nodding in understanding, before hearing evidence that her sister still didn't miss a beat, "I saw Fang and Vanille head outside. They're probably in the house resting their feet, so don't worry."

"I'm not," Light replied truthfully, "they can take care of themselves. They left without saying anything to me, that's all. Fang was holding my arm too."

"And you didn't notice?" Serah feigned shock, earning an annoyed eye-roll. "Relax," she laughed, "maybe it was an emergency. You know, girl stuff."

"You say that as if I'm a guy or something." Lightning shook her head at the small eruption of giggles she felt against her while they managed to keep slow dancing. "Last time I checked, I'm not."

"I know, because you're _way_too feminine to be a guy…"

Light was trying extremely hard not to scowl in front of everyone. It would look odd; too suspicious if she did. "Does this have something to do with Fang? I already explained my uniform, so that can't be it."

"Maybe, maybe not!" She must have been to happy for her own good, too. Lightning kept her comments to herself, glad that Serah sobered quickly enough, "Okay, seriously…? I don't mean to be _nosy_, but…"

"Aren't we supposed to be talking about our parents, or the past, or something else like that?" Lightning filled her sister's silence hardheartedly, not at all liking the sharp turn their conversation had taken. "Or not saying anything at all?"

"…you love her, don't you?" Taken aback was not adequate in the slightest to detail Lightning's blatant reaction. "_Don__'__t_you?"

"How can you even _ask_ me that when you've seen—"

"Just answer the question _directly_ and I'll get to the point. Then you can get back to your precious silence. You can just nod or shake your head if you don't want to say it out loud."

She understood now—Serah was asking this while everyone was watching them, too far away to hear, but close enough to grow worried had Lightning decided to act out in any way. Her sister was obviously smart, so it was of no surprise to her.

Admitting to it couldn't bother her at this point, but there was no way she was telling Fang any time soon… She trusted Serah to keep the information private. Light only nodded briefly, so shortly that she could barely feel it.

"I thought so… I only ask because…I'm still really shocked about how.. how you said you love me, earlier." Understandable.. Lightning was still rather astounded by it herself. Serah continued after a deep breath, "It…made me see…just how much you must care about her, how much she's affected you. Like I said the other night, I don't know the big secret you and her have with Vanille. Snow keeps saying he doesn't know anything but I know better. I'll just stop bugging you guys about it. All I'm saying is…"

The last verse of the song was being sung, and Serah was rather torn while she looked down for a moment. Lightning had a nervous feeling she knew what was coming, and was proven right with her sister's almost inaudible words, "If she makes you happy, I want you to show her that. I'm nineteen now, so…I think I can tell you that you're…smart enough to make sure you don't have regrets later on with her. Fang's really nice, and I can tell she likes you a lot, so…make sure you treat her well, okay?"

Light nodded automatically. That was Serah's considerate code for: _Don__'__t__make__the__same__mistakes__you__made__with__me,__growing__up,__even__though__I__can__'__t__blame__you._Getting lectured by her younger sister was new to her, and it was still steadily sinking in that Serah was an adult; one with her common sense perfectly in-tact. Serah was also her only actual family left, and she would always be around despite their past. Lightning was probably right to assume she wouldn't have the same luxury with Fang, and she would be loath, and exceedingly selfish, to think otherwise.

The song ended with their dance while Lightning regarded her sister silently, appreciatively. Serah nodded thoughtfully while everyone else was allowed on the dance floor, giving her a brief hug before suddenly being jostled away playfully by a few of her overzealous schoolmates. So much for having a moment together…

Lightning watched her go, sighing before making to leave as rave lights began flashing out of nowhere. A pop song began playing and all of Snow and Serah's adolescent friends began rushing around her to dance suggestively with their dates. The song might have been popular, but Light had no idea what it was or who sang it, and was content to leave the humid crowd until she was stopped abruptly by a huge hand on her shoulder plate. Whoever it was, she didn't invite them, because she had only invited a few key acquaintances, who were borderline friends, from work. They would know that touching her shoulder plate was entirely disrespectful.

"Hey, hey, not so fast!" Snow again. Lightning groaned, wincing at the vibrations of the booming bass of the song she felt right in her chest while he blocked her way with ease. He bent down to speak somewhat loudly in her ear, knowing that if he got a verbal reply out of her she wouldn't have been obliged to yell it over the music. "You gotta dance with me at least _once_tonight! So how 'bout now?"

"Snow, no offense, but you sound like a stalker," she replied evenly next to his ear, shaking her head while she folded her arms. He only gave a hearty laugh while she continued, "I don't dance."

"I think I saw otherwise! You pulled off that dance just now with flying colors, Sis!"

"Because that was a _slow__dance_…with _Serah._"

"Well I'm not my wife, but we can slow dance to this, no problemo!" Snow stood up properly, smoothing a hand over his hair while he made an attempt at a charming grin. He outstretched his arms, trying to look…_enticing_…but Lightning just found it entirely too creepy and weird. He was her _brother-in-law_now.. "Aww c'mon! Live a little, it's your birthday!"

"I'm not interested."

Light shook her head, ignoring Snow's shouting that he didn't hear her while she pushed her way through the crowd. It wasn't as hard as she had thought it would be—as soon as the people in her way saw the aggravated glower on her face, they were all too generous to give her room to move past them.

Several songs had started and ended, and the people on the dance floor were still going at it, yet Lightning still hadn't seen any signs of Vanille or Fang. It was nearing nine o'clock, but she told herself not to worry for at least another hour. Their car was still in the driveway, but that was little consolation to her considering the life they had led before the convenience on Cocoon. Granted she hadn't gone looking around the house, but she figured if they had gone to hide without a word to anyone, then that obviously meant they didn't wish to be found. She had done the same earlier, after all.

She was just outside the tent, standing by the wooden fence with yet another glass of champagne out of boredom, sipping her drink while she watched the moon with one eye and the sliding glass door with another. It had gotten too warm for her liking inside the tent, and it was much easier to talk calmly with the people that approached her without that blaring bass directly in her ear.

A pair of voices she'd been on the lookout for finally appeared, and she turned to face them, only to be stopped by someone she hadn't been expecting to, well, _stop_ her—he had a large hand on her stiff shoulder, the one without her plate.

"First Lieutenant Farron, ma'am?" The formality in his kind, baritone voice caught her off guard, stunning her in place while she could only watch Fang and Vanille enter the tent once more, looking as though were indeed been arguing about something. "Um…sorrytobotheryou, Lieutenant, umm—"

"_Lance__Corporal__D.,_slow down…"

Light held up a steadying hand, looking up at her younger subordinate oddly while he removed his hand from her shoulder. The alcohol she had consumed wasn't helping the slight headache he was giving her already. His cobalt eyes looked far more restless than she had ever seen; he had always been the quiet type who kept a cool head, and she respected that.

He wore nearly the same uniform she did, but with fewer merits; his dress shirt and the stripes on his shoulder plate were a crystalline. He kept running a hand along the back of his head, massaging his own scalp underneath his thin coat of light brown hair. He let his hair grow out a little towards the front, but kept out of his face and up in slick ocean waves, or so he called them. He had always been something of a weird one in his own ways, and rather secretive, but he was a reliable kid of only seventeen.

"First of all," Lightning began sternly, "drop the formalities. We're not at work. And I told you to call me Light." The young man nodded acquiescently. "Second, calm down and tell me what you're so worked up about. This isn't anything like you, Val.."

"Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry…it's just…" He turned his head to the tent, where the loud music was still blaring away. "Earlier, I saw you standing next to a woman…"

"A woman…?" Light raised a wary eyebrow. "Tell me you don't mean the one I had on my arm…because if you do…"

"No, no, not her.. I know you're here with her, it's cool. She's beautiful, if you don't mind me saying." Val faced her once more, regarding her with an earnest smile. Lightning's eyebrow still hadn't relaxed. "So's the other woman, in the red…" He had a faraway look about him for a moment before realizing where he was, appearing somewhat embarrassed. It was rather entertaining, if not entirely unexpected. "Light…who is she? I've been looking for her for _hours_ now, and I haven't been able to just ask her myself…"

Light didn't feel it was her place to start explaining who Vanille was to Val, despite her somewhat-friendship with him. He didn't seem sickeningly desperate or anything of the sort, that wasn't it. Whatever it was she was uncomfortable about doing, she was saved the trouble of having to decline when she saw the two bickering sisters emerge from the tent and walk right over to them.

Lightning only nodded in their direction while she watched them over his broad shoulder, and Val turned summarily to stand by her side, looking crestfallen that Vanille was clearly very angry, and therefore unapproachable. Light only sipped her champagne calmly while the two Gran Pulsians stopped in front of them, continuing their heated argument, and failing to notice the stranger that was staring in modest shock at them both, hearing all of their business. At least she finally found out was off about Fang…

"…being entirely unfair to her, _disappearing_ for the entire night, on her _birthday_of all—"

"—were the one who said she'd get all bent outta shape if I told her—"

"—on your…being that time of the _month_ is hardly anything that Lightning—who's _also_a woman—would have a _problem_with. I only said that to get you away from everyone. But I can't say _I_don't have a problem with the _mean_ things you've said to—"

"—ain't never said one _mean_thing about _you,_so what's it _matter_—"

"—didn't have to! It was all _hypothetical_! You're tired of me even though I've only been trying to _help,_aren't you? Just—"

"—always gotta lash out on _you_and only you when I'm on my damn period! So _what_ if I get bitchy and hormonal as hell? You _know_why I do, Vanille—"

"Excuse me…" Val began meekly; politely while Light still continued to sip, keeping her amused silence when Fang and Vanille snapped their attention to him. She was impressed—they calmed down immediately, gaping at him somewhat. "You're…Vanille?"

"…yes," she replied, looking up at him with a great deal of embarrassment. Lightning figured he was the one Vanille had been staring at earlier. Judging from her sudden shyness, she was most likely right. "Uhm…I'm very sorry you had to hear all that. Didn't quite see you there…"

"No, it's all right…I grew up around a lot of women, so it's no big deal to me." He offered his large hand to her with a warm smile. "I've wanted to introduce myself to you since I saw you earlier, but I couldn't find you for the longest…" Vanille took his hand in hers gingerly, smiling up at him sheepishly. "The name's Val. It's nice to finally meet you, Vanille."

"You too, Val… It's nice to…finally meet you too…"

They stood there, staring at each other and holding the others' hand, but they never once actually shook hands. Lightning was observing Fang passively, taking in the way she was sizing up her subsidiary soldier. She wondered what Fang would make of the information that they specialized in the same class of weaponry.

"Hey now…" Fang placed her hands on her hips, raising an eyebrow while Val let go of Vanille's hand. "Not so fast, prettyboy. You ain't paid your respects to _me_ yet."

Val faced her properly, still smiling in the same manner while he offered her his hand, "Sorry…might I ask your name, ma'am?"

She gave a brief laugh, shaking his hand firmly, "It's Fang. And don't call me ma'am, kid—I can't physically be no more than three or four years older than you are. Makes me sound my real age."

"Sorry ma'am—I mean, Fang. And I'm seventeen…" Their handshake ended with Fang laughing a little more this time at his confusion. Lightning and Vanille only watched their exchange quietly, amused in their respective ways. "Um…pardon me for asking, but what d'you mean, your _real_ age?"

"It's a long story and there ain't enough time to tell it," supplied Fang with a smile. "Nothin' you need to be hearin' about at a wedding, so I'll just spare you the confusion." She was being awfully nice all of a sudden for someone who had been in a horrible mood all day. "What I _will_ tell you is that Vanille here's my little sister!" Val's unblinking stare was enough to say he didn't believe her. "_Fine._She's my _adoptive_sister, only two years younger. Been inseparable ever since we were little."

"Oh." He brightened somewhat. "So you two _do_ have the same parents?"

"Not by a long-shot," she grinned.

"But you said…"

"I said adop_tive,_not adopted." Fang tilted her head to one side, narrowing her eyes in her enjoyment while she surveyed him a bit more. She folded her over her chest while she gave an upward nod to his shoulder plate, "So I take it Lightning's your superior officer?"

"Yes, and she's my commander. She's really great." Light and Vanille exchanged looks when Fang began watching him carefully. It was one thing to talk briefly about her sister; another to listen to him speak of the one she was involved with. "She and I got promoted around the same time. Everyone had told me my superior would be new at leading her own squad, but they said not to worry. I understood why pretty quick."

"Of course they told you that. She was my leader too for a time, so I know what you mean. Guess you could say she still is."

Val appeared confused once again, but Fang walked over and stood next to Light, speaking in a final sort of tone before he could get a word out, "Well, Val, it was nice chattin' but it's Lightning's birthday. Me and her have some business to take care of…" It sounded so…suggestive, the way she said it. And Val actually smiled darkly in time with Fang. Light was rather disheveled while Fang took her arm and began leading her away. "You have a nice night, now, and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Good night!" Val called after them. "See you on Tuesday then, Lieutenant!"

Lightning gave him a curt nod over her shoulder before Fang made a sharp turn to the tent. She wasn't sure if Fang actually trusted Val enough to leave him alone with Vanille, or if she only used him as an excuse to avoid another argument with her sister. Whatever the case, there wasn't any music playing, but people were still talking on the dance floor. She could see Serah talking to the DJ and giving him various directions, so she had enough reason to assume the party wouldn't be over for a little while longer at least.

Fang had them sit next to each other at one of the large round tables furthest and facing away from the crowd. Light situated her chair to face Fang, watching her prop her elbows over the tablecloth of the table and gently massage her scalp. Her eyes were closed tightly, she was sweating a little, and Lightning got the impression she felt so temperate that she wanted to rip her garb off. There wasn't any humor or innuendo she would allow herself to see in that—she was worried, very worried about her.

Despite Fang's obvious stress, Light didn't see anything wrong with being anything less than straightforward, "Where were you? You left without saying anything to anyone."

"You weren't worried about me?" asked Fang without moving, without opening her eyes; barely opening her mouth to enunciate her words. It made her tone sound stricken, and it certainly struck Light off guard. "You didn't make _no_ effort to look around for us—we were in your room the entire time. Arguin' like mad over nothin', but still easy to spot. So d'you _know_ what that tells me—"

Their arms were still interlaced, and Lightning swiftly closed the distance between them, moving her lips directly to Fang's sweltering ear the moment a slow song began playing. The action alone had silenced her. The words were enough to freeze the sweat right at the top of her scalp, "That tells _you_that I cared enough to give you your space. And _this_ tells _me_that you're in a _bitchy_mood, so you don't mind finding things to start arguing about." Lightning took a moment to smell Fang's perfume—it was the very same one she had purchased for her. How thoughtful. "If you think you can play that game with me, then you can just forget it."

Lightning pulled at Fang's arm in hers to move her hand from her scalp. She used her free hand to ease Fang's searing face directly in front of hers. Her eyes were still closed. "Look at me," she murmured firmly. Her words went unheeded—or maybe she didn't hear her. If she looked closely enough, she could see Fang's eyelids trembling ever-so-slightly. It made her bring their faces closer so she could whisper her command directly over Fang's taut, glossy lips. "I _said_, look at me."

Nothing at all. Light winced slightly at her thoughtlessness—the trembling was more visible now. She glanced around without moving her face, making sure that everyone was as far away as possible, before looking back to the face against hers. Lightning had a hard time believing Fang was about to cry. There was a solid stubbornness she sensed about the quavering. One that she wanted to break down, even if it was just for the moment. She decided to try a different approach, the one she probably should have used in the first place.

She untwined their arms, not bothering to hesitate with lifting Fang from her seat and set her carefully on her lap. Surprising her always worked in Lightning's favor, so she decided to take full advantage of that while she held her close, having to tilt her head up to keep their faces together. Yet Fang still wouldn't look at her, wouldn't see the sheer silent voracity Lightning held for her with as much inhibition as the arms around her beautiful vestment, her resplendent figure.

Light wanted to share something—a part of her—with every part of her, so badly that it marred her vision of the world, of the one she needed. The perfection she saw in every single one of Fang's flaws shaped her sight so brilliantly, as though Fang could never do her any real harm. Lightning's only aegis was shaped so simply, exactly like her eyes, adorned with the exaltation and rapture she was giving to the closed ones she was still staring at, tearing at; destroying so softly, softly..

Her attention was pulled away to the DJ, who was announcing that the next song would be the last slow one for the night. Light still had the prominent weight of Fang's head mostly resting on her forehead while she frowned. She had never planned on asking Fang to dance with her, but she noted that her eyes weren't closed so tightly anymore. She looked peaceful. A rather jarring and unexpected shift, but it was still appreciated nonetheless. She could do something like that too.

"Would you like to dance with me?" Light asked simply. Fang finally opened her eyes abruptly and sat up properly, looking down at her in alarm. Perhaps she had fallen asleep on her yet again. "I asked if you wanted to dance. It's the last slow song for the night, so we should go now. Only if you want to."

Fang studied her carefully while she stood up. She appeared lucid enough. "As if I could say no…"

"Let's go then," she nodded, standing up to affably lead Fang by the hand to their destination.

Their destination, much to Fang's surprise, was not the dance floor in that sweltering tent. Lightning began to lead her outside without a word, only glancing at Fang over her shoulder esoterically, as if to say she never said where or even how she wanted to dance.

The cool breeze outside felt nice, though she figured it probably felt nicer on Fang—it took Light until just now to notice how much she had been sweated on. None of it had reached her shirt or jacket, but her scowl of shock felt clammy. A drip of brine slithered its way down from the top of her lip and into her mouth, and it tasted like a strange mixture of skin and that perfume. Fang's skin, Fang's perfume.. It was like moisturized rose petals…but there was still the waterless taste of skin, among…other things…

Lightning kept her damp brow furrowed while she kept licking her upper lip every so often, feeling rather bizarre but not quite caring, while she continued on with Fang into the empty house. The moment they set foot inside, Fang muttered something about the bathroom. Light looked to the kitchen and plainly told her to use the one in her room, walking over to the refrigerator while Fang continued upstairs after a small thank you. She opened the stainless steel machine easily enough.

Light vaguely registered her hands reaching for something, and they landed on whatever it was she had wanted to retrieve, yet her hands refused to move after that. They stayed on the cold thing, item, bottle, whatever it was while she continued to stare…staring so hard despite herself, almost like a puppy achingly watching its owner leave her, even if it was only for a little while. She was so used to following after her wherever she went, especially when Fang tried to play it off like she didn't want to be followed.

She was staring after Fang, taking in the regal moonlit semblance about her while she walked so slowly to the stairway… There wasn't a hint of moodiness or fatigue about her at all, as though she was trying to cover it up subtly, or exorbitantly. Light didn't like it. Not at all. Captivation most decidedly had a double-entendre with Fang—the woman was likely far more tempting than she was aware of, managing to stretch the cage Light felt she was in, that of her inundating emotions, of her deluging hesitations.

But that look, the one Fang was giving her while she stopped, right at the staircase, hand on the rail and one heeled foot on the first step… If looks could tease, could taunt to open a lock… Lightning was in a small bit of shock from seeing the enticement flash so clearly in Fang's rip-roaring eyes. Those eyes that were ripping her uniform from her just as she had likely wanted to ever since she saw Lightning earlier. Roaring so softly and throatily, coaxing Light over to her so simply; so decadently.

_Just_what_are__you__waitin__' __for?__Get__your__fine__ass__over__here__and__show__me__some__of__what__you__'__re__made__of.__Fucking__break__the__door__down__to__your__cage__a__little,__and__come__and_get_me._

The refrigerator closed itself somehow. The verve coursing through her was one she felt from the floor to the ceiling, pushing her legs all the way across the house for all she knew, from how long she felt she was walking, walking hard and approaching fast; watching Fang with a hard, impending; arresting expression. Fixating her eyes on evidence that Fang wanted to say something, to ask what was wrong—bless her lips, her blaze her equanimity her confusion.

No questions asked and Lightning mercilessly locked away that distance, shut it away with her adversities; distended the incessant rift between them with a tameness that betrayed the way she rammed her paramour against the railing and wall of the staircase. Her hand latched onto the back of that sleek, ravishing head; her other arm clutched the sublime body, the incredible woman she so craved. A sudden vim and vigor surged her; scorched her while she finally tasted rose-rain-sweat of the nonpareil she coveted so, covered in craze and a sudden daze for her and only her..

A thunder-stricken ripple rumbled low in Fang's throat, growing louder still, throbbing with privation while Lightning fondly bolstered her backside from pain, brought them closer still with her cosseting lips. The savory, supple, sinuous quality of Fang's was infuriatingly enticing; tempting her to give more with every long and shallow breath she let out through her nose. The more ardor Lightning steadily supplied her with, the more reactions she earned—Fang's inhalations gradually picked up, growing heady in Light's head and ears.

More reactions was what she wanted to receive; the arm wrapped about her hips moved of its own accord, swiftly picking Fang up, holding her closer, savoring the near vice-like grip her smooth legs kept on her waist, the way her hands struggled to pull Light closer to her. The epicene haze that weaved around Fang's loudening suspirations wove right through her parted, licentious lips, flushing both of their faces still partially coated in pungent sweat.

Lost in ebullience Lightning was, heeding to the pull she felt upstairs while she began stumbling her way up, putting too much focus in pleasing Fang and not enough on coordination, frequently slamming them both about the walls and railing on the way up. After every collision, Fang would let out a louder, deeper, dizzying sigh; dig her sharp nails into wherever it was she was holding, rake the roots of Lightning's hair, brashly bite Light's lower lip hard and suck it salaciously.

Amaurotic, everything was making her. Sightless, speechless, only capable of feeling without a thought, feeling every ounce of Fang's closeness and physicality destroy any semblance she had of the time or space around them. The daring delve she took into the warm moisture of Fang's mouth told the one in her arms how empowered she felt, doing all of this to her, for her. Feeling that firm tongue curl against hers and relax in a pleased acquiescence of Lightning's predominance was titillating, fuelling her more; whispering wetly, wantonly in her mouth once she was at the foot of the stairs of what else she could do with all her potential, but to not use _all_of it. Not tonight…

She nearly ran down the hall in what she _felt_was the right direction, still holding and ravishing Fang so indulgently. Light felt her jacket being unbuttoned and removed, somehow. She didn't protest, only removed her arms briefly from Fang when prompted to have the suffocating coat off of her. She still couldn't see, she still felt lost in her own third home, in her own world; had Fang's appeal been deceiving her into a false sense of security in her subversion, she didn't care. If she was, Lightning only wanted to gratify her more in praise.

Somewhere, somehow, she felt she had made it to the doorway of her room, still deaf to the world that could only see how audacious she had become for the sole purpose of enthralling Fang. It was a vain effort to return the many favors she had bestowed her, but she still tried and tried again until…

Until something told her to slow down once she had Fang pinned against the open doorway of her moonlit room. Her mouth or face did not move; slowly, only her cold, acerbated eyes gave a sidelong glare to her intruders standing like three deer caught in headlights. In _her_room. It didn't take long for Fang to feel the sudden draft about the house from Lightning's mood shift alone, and her agitated eyes shot open, further chastising the innocent-looking interlopers without moving her bruised lips from the equally swollen ones on hers.

Hope, Vanille and Val stood horror-stricken in front of the window, the moon shining an ethereal glow about their pale outlines. Hope had his arms covering his chest, bent over slightly with a leg up as though he had been about to hide somewhere. Val was standing still, looking moderately horrified, but also trying not to grin for some reason. Vanille had her limp fists over her mouth, looking frantically between Fang and Light as if she was bursting with something she wished to say.

Lightning's heart was likely hammering as hard as the three of them combined, but of course for completely different reasons while she begrudgingly turned her head to glare at them properly. She understood that the way Fang had been in the midst of unbuttoning her shirt with one hand and keeping the other gripping the back of her scalp had her in a very compromising position, but she honestly didn't care that these three had been watching.

What infuriated her the most was that if she _hadn__'__t_noticed them and continued on to the bed as she had meant to—obviously without the intention of _doing_anything—was that they probably would have just kept standing there in fear, watching, afraid to move or even breathe until their inevitable discovery.

Light sighed at the fearful look Vanille was giving her, realizing that she and Hope were probably only being nice by showing their new friend around. She didn't have a problem with Val being in her room, or Hope, but the sudden breathless splutter Vanille let out had her head spinning somewhat: "Lightning Fang we're sososo sorry! We were only showing Val around before he went home but then we got scared and ran in here to look out the window because we thought we felt an _**earthquake**_and—"

"Vanille." Lightning couldn't stay angry at someone who could look at her like that, despite how much her face was burning with embarrassment. An _earthquake,_really…? She only glanced between the three of them one last time before motioning with her head out to the hall, "Just get out, all of you."

The three of them bolted from the room, and Light only received a quirky look from Val on his way out. She sighed again over her ruined adrenaline rush, vaguely hearing Fang mutter in her ear somewhat urgently about the bathroom again. Lightning set her down and accepted the jacket from her hand that she had somehow held onto. She observed her coat silently, hearing Fang rush in the lavatory and shut the door after turning on the sink taps for whatever reason. There were faded crimson fingerprints on the back of the collar.

Lightning winced at the small, dull pain she felt where Fang had been digging her nails in her scalp, rubbing the affected area with her fingers for a moment. When she moved her hand to look at it, she saw faint spots of red on her fingertips that were already beginning to dry. It wasn't anything terrible.

She folded her coat and moved to set it on her dresser next to her Lionheart, looking down at her favorite weapon as though it were somehow able enough to give her some kind of advice. Fang's nails had been getting longer and sharper by the day, which Light didn't have a problem with. She didn't have a problem with being less physical and more admiring than Fang so to speak. They had their reasons for being on different levels. The problem she had was that she didn't know Fang's reasons, and that Fang likely didn't know hers either.

Light ambled over to the closed bathroom door, leaning on the cool white wood while she heard the taps finally being turned off. She could hear Fang standing still, breathing deeply as though she were calming herself. Lightning raised a smug eyebrow despite herself, figuring she'd done at least a _few_ things right that night.

"You okay, Fang?" she asked calmly, folding her arms. She quickly realized this was the wrong thing to say, and corrected herself before she received a false answer, "What I meant to say is…I'm here if you.. if you want to talk." No response. Light bit her still swollen lip for a moment before trying again, "I'm here, for you, however you want me to be. You should know that pretty well by now.."

Lightning _wanted_ to say that she'd stand dutifully outside the door between them for as long as it took for Fang to let her in, but she held it back, deciding it was too soon to say anything with that much meaning. As soon as she made the decision, she heard and felt Fang place her hand over the doorknob. She adjusted her weight to the doorway, looking up at Fang in earnest while she opened the door and stood in place.

Light's face began to fall when she took off her rose-colored lenses and really saw the look on Fang's face. It wasn't pained or worrisome or anything negative at all—she actually looked relieved, happy. There was still a soft poignancy about that expression Lightning could see, as though Fang had given something away just as she had done earlier that day.

The absence of whatever it was she had lost rang dull and loud in her verdigris eyes swimming and brimming with such adulation. Her words echoed softly in Light's mind with the same propensity, ringing the message as clearly as the moon shining in Fang's eyes.

"Happy birthday, Lightning…a _very_…happy birthday to you…"


	10. moogles

_**x. **__moogles_

"_Good mornin', Sunshine…"_

That voice was smooth and husky through the medium of Lightning's voicemail on her wireless. The slight reverberations of the reception helped her voice to surround Light in its mellifluousness. She turned on her stomach and buried her smiling face in her pillow while she kept listening to her message.

"_Hmm.. or should I be sayin' afternoon, or evenin'? You ain't called or nothin' yet, and it's already five, so I'm guessin' you're still asleep. That's all right…we were up for quite a while last night. I hope I made your birthday real special, at least…" _Mm-hmm, she did… _"I'm sorry I left without wakin' you, but it's Sunday. I didn't wanna disturb you, and I had to get up pretty early…_

"_Me and Vanille are still on the outskirts of town, fishin'. Well…it ain't just me and her… Val's here 'cause she invited him. Hope's here 'cause his train back to Palumpolum don't leave til night time, so Vanille invited him too. She figured you didn't wanna babysit what with your brother and sister off on their honeymoon for the next week." _

Lightning sighed in relief, thankful for Vanille's forethought, but Fang's subsequent dreary tone made her question that.

"_At the moment I'm sittin' in the car with the air conditioner on… I've been checkin' this damn wireless of mine all bloody day, hopin' you'd call or send a text or somethin'…these kids are drivin' me mad. Had to tell 'em I needed to call and make sure you weren't dead or nothin' so they'd let me alone… We're headin' back to Snow and Serah's to cook and eat, 'cause I don't want these munchkins in my house. I'm guessin' you're still there, and we're leavin' soon, so…"_

She was silent for a moment. Light turned over on her back, narrowing her eyes at the evening sun streaming through the window. She stared at her ceiling with the nervousness conveyed through Fang's silence. The loneliness of an empty bed and an empty house certainly didn't help, despite how comfortable her bed was. It really couldn't compare, and the feeling multiplied with Fang's next words:

"_I just…really need to see you. I know I will soon, but I'm really itchin' to. 'Specially with these kids around, includin' Vanille. I tried to get out of goin' but she wouldn't let me. Prolly thinks we'd get up to some kinda nasty mischief with an entire house to ourselves… She didn't believe me when I told her we ain't done nothin' and we won't no time soon. It's pissin' me off."_

Lightning raised a skeptical eyebrow. Fang didn't exactly specify what pissed her off—was it Vanille's obvious interference with her love life, or the lack of sex in the near future?

"_Anyway…I think my time's about to run out. It takes about half an hour to get back…so I'll see you sometime around six… I, ah…" _Yet another unexpected, awkward silence. It was interesting, of course, if not slightly unsettling. It wasn't like Fang to be unconfident. _"I'll, um…see you later.. bye then…"_

Light saved the message and promptly snapped her wireless shut, covering her eyes with the back of her hand with the device. She had fallen asleep in her sleeveless white undershirt, white bra, and her uniform pants, never having had enough time last night to remember to at least change clothes before she fell asleep with Fang sometime around five in the morning.

They had been talking the entire time. Not always with words, but still talking nonetheless, mostly about nothing. There had been many strained silences on Fang's part that Light never quite knew how to fill correctly, so she had kissed her instead. It was difficult to detail the meaning Lightning had tried to put behind her physicality—as difficult as it was to describe the reasons for Fang's reclusiveness. It was frustrating, but it was not something impossible to decipher. And it wasn't her _period_, either.

Light eased her legs to the side of the bed to stand on tottery legs and bare feet. In all respects she was really still half-asleep, but her clock already read six, so she needed to get up. A change of clothes was on her mind while she walked to her nearly-empty closet and slid the door open, but her eyes bolted down to the large, fluffy white moogle slippers there on the floor…

They had been a gift from Serah—a smaller one, for her birthday. Lightning had promised to wear them at some point, around the others and with no self-consciousness, to supposedly show them how docile Fang had made her. Fang had indeed succeeded in doing so in many ways, but not entirely… She scowled and slipped her feet into the house shoes, lifting one of her legs and curling her ankle while she surveyed herself. They covered her feet entirely and made her pants pool about the fur. A red fuzzy ball—a pom-pom?—was at the tips of both of her feet, just over two chinky smiling eyes.

Possible comments and ridicule from the others aside, she rather liked the comfort they provided, so she closed her closet, completely forgetting about changing clothes. She left her bright room, walking down the dark russet hall aimlessly and looking around. There were pictures everywhere, of Snow, of Serah, of Snow and Serah, of NORA and their other friends, of her and Serah's parents. Lightning hated taking pictures. None were on the walls of her, at least not around the halls or downstairs.

She reached the door to Snow and Serah's room, scoffing at the large mess of clothes they had left from having packed at the last minute before their honeymoon. They had gone to Eden; the city in the sky was more of an upscale resort area now without the fal'Cie running everything.

Lightning merely stood with her arms folded, leaning on her shoulder against the doorway, observing what little she could actually see of the spacious sunlit room. It was quite homey, comfortable. Snow did a good job of putting NORA's funds to use. She supposed he did work hard to earn such a nice home, though Light wondered if part of him felt the need to impress her. His money, though acquired through questionable means, honestly did not impress her.

Snow cared enough to give her sister the chance for a family, for the chance to have a big home; to be happy…comfortable, and cared for. Lightning's eyes fell to the floor while she lowered her head, feeling a little dishonorable for being unable to find it in her to like him. Everyone else did. She could only respect how much he did and cared for Serah—that was it.

Her head shot up when she began wondering further and further into the future—too far—about her and Fang. They both seemed rather disenchanted with their lives outside of one another. Fang was growing emotionally distant from Vanille for what was probably the first time in her life. Light no longer had anyone to provide for, and her work life had admittedly taken a drear turn, but she did have Fang as motivation. Would Fang want something like Snow and Serah's life in the future…? Light shook her head, wincing—the thought detested her somewhat, though for reasons unobvious.

Light's over-active mind stopped getting ahead of itself once she heard the doorbell ringing several times in a row. It was loud and irritating enough to be heard throughout the entire house, so she couldn't have been thinking _so_ hard to have not heard it. She unfolded her arms and made her way downstairs at her own leisure, glowering at the insistent impatience of whomever was having too much fun with the doorbell.

There were no windows to look out by the door once she arrived there, but it wouldn't have done anyone much good if she knew whoever was pissing her off right now. She swiftly opened the door and stood adjacent to the wood, glaring sideways at the living room, not bothering to survey the small crowd entering the house ceremoniously in front of her. Sure enough Vanille, Val and Hope were engaged in loud, giggling conversation while Val carried the cooler filled with fish while they continued on to the kitchen, ignoring her completely as though the door had unlocked and opened itself on its own accord.

Fang was oddly silent while Lightning closed and locked the door. Light rested her head against the cold dark wood, rubbing her temples at the strident noise echoing about the house before realizing that Fang had definitely had it worse the entire day. She was about to turn and say something, but Fang moved quickly to hold her tightly from behind. Lightning blinked in surprise at how fast that breath was against her ear, at how fast that heartbeat was against her left shoulder blade. Her own had picked up at the need in the contact.

It took a short while, but Light settled her arms over Fang's impossibly warm ones, breathing shortly against the door and feeling clouds of her own breath bounce back along her equally tepid face. The air conditioner kicked in at some point, but it was of no help for her temperature—it only helped to drown out the noise of chatter in the house.

Fang was here, she was close; she was near. Holding her so verbosely and yet saying nothing; easing her nose through her hair and breathing her humid breath through parted lips in her ear. Light felt the need to say something, despite the all-too familiar knots in her chest. She wasn't used to how affectionate Fang could be when she had her moments.

"Nice slippers," murmured Fang humorlessly. Lightning shrugged. "Really, they're cute on you. I kinda like moogles. Never thought I'd see you wearin' 'em, though.. Who gave 'em to you?"

"Serah…" she intoned, shaking her head. Fang gave a laconic laugh of understanding. "How was your day?" Lightning arched her back and leaned her face into the door more in annoyance—what a lame question to ask…

Fang sighed deeply directly in her ear, "You get my message?"

"I did…" Her voice sounded slightly muffled against the door, but she lacked the strength to move at all. Perhaps it was the new angle of the swell she could feel against her back that had done her in. "I just…"

"…didn't know what else to say?" Fang chuckled when Light couldn't reply at all. It was a bitter sound, one that made her stand properly. "I s'pose…that makes two of us."

Lightning turned in her arms, holding her waist, holding her close. She kept their warm faces close together, anxiously searching Fang's downcast eyes through her thick lashes for some kind of explanation. Though it was inexplicable how desolately refined she looked and felt against her like this. Fang's beauty was all the more evident in her atypical ineffectuality. It made the only eyes fortunate enough to behold her light up indulgently. Lightning eased her lips forward to convey her sentiments softly, and Fang responded with an affecting force, but it was a painfully brief respite.

"Hey Ligh— …oh…" Hope honestly had impeccable timing. _Now _he chose to acknowledge her existence while he stood a good few paces away. Light felt Fang promptly bury her head into her tense neck, snapping a line of patience she had for the boy somewhere in her head. "Umm…is it alright if—"

"Please," Lightning was leering at a picture frame on the wall opposite the door, observing its sharp corners, "go away. Do whatever you want, just…_go away_."

"But—but.. I need to talk to you—"

"—not now—"

"—Light it's really important, I _can't_ keep—"

She made cold eye contact with him, "Do I _need_ to repeat myself?"

Hope threw his hands in the air, "You _said_ I could do whatever I want!"

"Trust me." Light deftly broke their gaze. She nudged Fang and kept an arm about her waist, genially leading her upstairs to her room. "You _don't _want to talk to me right now."

"Yes I do!" He was persistent. She used to like that about him. _Used _to. Now it was just annoying—he was following her. "I don't care what you say, but I have to—"

"What the hell do you think it'll accomplish if I _obviously_ don't wanna hear it in the first place?"

She continued on to the stairway and up the stairs, unfazed by his stomping footsteps right behind her. There was a lock on the door to her room—and one on the door to the house if it got that serious. Fang was growling deep in her throat now, only serving to piss Light off further.

"Light—"

"Can you take a rain check?" They reached the top of the stairs, and every fiber of self-control was working to keep her legs moving to her room. She figured the moogles weren't helping her efforts of intimidation at all. "I'll gladly sign a blank one if you'd find it in you to _scram_ right now."

"No!" Lightning reached her room, and she stood near her door while Fang skulked away to remove her sandals and lie down on the bed. She faced Hope with a hand on her hip while he stood just outside her doorway. "I need to say it now!"

Light raised a lazy eyebrow, regarding him in the same manner, "…then _say _it."

Hope was standing a little too close for her liking while he looked down at her slippers. He was fidgeting his gloved hands together, rocking back and forth in place slowly. Or perhaps he was wobbling, or undulating, like a wave, from Light's vantage point. She wondered how she'd failed to notice what his height allowed his direct eyesight to see.

He looked up at her abruptly, as though he had a sudden, brilliant idea seize him, "I-I need a ride to the train station!"

Fang's tired voice floated over to them while she waved a dismissive hand, "Vanille already said she'd take you…"

Lightning raised her other eyebrow before Hope tried again, "Okay…okay, fine. Look.." he sighed, "it's about me, about my future. I wanted to talk to you alone because I didn't want Fang to hear…"

"Really? Because I don't buy it." Light was indifferent to his dejected look of protest. "When I'm with Fang, anything you need to say to me is her business too. If you don't like it, then that's too bad. Try again when you're ready to stop being a coward and tell me _everything_. The _truth._"

"But Light, it's just really hard to—"

"Like I care!" Lightning promptly shut the door in his face. She knew her harshness was unwarranted, but she was not obliged to be friendly to him all the time. Sighing, she locked the door and turned to face Fang lying down face up on the bed. She was disheveled by the dreariness about her, "Uh…Fang?"

She turned her head to face Light, wearing an exacting look, "Is that so? You really don't care what he has to say? Even though he can't find it in him to tell you much of anything, even though he _wants_ to?"

"What does Hope have to do with anything?" Lightning got the hint quick enough and walked over to her, frowning, pointing at the door behind her as though gesturing to the boy, "_Where _is this coming from? This isn't like you."

"So says the soldier wearin' moogle slippers." Fang's sarcasm was entirely uncalled-for, and it froze her in place while she stood directly above her indignant form on the bed. "He prolly figured you were more approachable today, wearin' those things. Turns out he was wrong."

"My _sister _bought these for me, and I _promised_ her I'd wear them around the others. It has nothing to do with me being more _approachable." _Lightning folded her arms and bent one knee impatiently, "Seriously, what's gotten into you? Why are you being s—"

"You can take it, Lieutenant, so don't complain."

Moodiness, fine. Clinginess was okay too, even if she wasn't used to it. Using her own benevolent words and her rank against her—the rank she worked so hard to attain partly for _her_—that was where she crossed the line.

Lightning stood there for a moment, looking down at Fang blankly. Anger could not find its way into her face, unlike Fang's—no, she wouldn't play that. The blankness prevailed because she couldn't believe how loose Fang's tongue could get when she was in a sour mood. It was so unnecessarily dramatic and petty; made of a matter too hard for even Lightning's head to deal with.

She decided to side-step the issue of Fang's moods by walking over to her dresser to retrieve a fresh set of clothes. She would take a very long shower to think things over by herself until she was called down for dinner. Her own cool mood would not be boiled by Fang at all. She was above that.

Lightning allowed dinner to be eaten in the dark living room while they watched a romance movie of Vanille's choice. She knew if the five of them tried to sit at the dining table, there would have been far too many awkward silences for her liking. She liked movies—liked not having to say anything.

She sat in a fitting black sleeveless shirt and loose black shorts on the love seat _directly _next to Fang while they all ate their fish. Fang hadn't touched her fish—she was still taking her time with all the vegetables Vanille had purposely put on her plate. Her eyes were firmly glued to the large screen.

_Did you get my letter?_

A nod, _And this is for you!_

Lightning was again wearing her moogle slippers, to make a point, and had apologized to Hope in private, promising to drive him to the train station after the movie ended. Every so often she caught him glancing at her uncertainly from in between Vanille and Val, both of whom were very engrossed in the film, showing emotion openly at the right moments. Light supposed it was…promising, for a future relationship between the two. Hopefully Val could keep Vanille from annoying Fang so much…

_She wants me to keep away—she is to marry Lord Wessix! What should I do?_

_If you love her, you must do as she asks._

_And break her heart and mine?_

_It is only yours you can know!_

_She _loves _me, Thomas! _

_Did she say so?_

…_no…and here she does where the ink is run with tears; was she _weeping _when she gave you this?_

Light finished her meal and set her plate on the coffee table in front of her. She raised both eyebrows and gave Fang a shifty slanting glance, leaning in to whisper in her ear, "Have you seen this movie before?" Fang gave no answer, keeping her eyes on the television. "Hmm, me neither."

_Tell me how you love her, Will…_

Lightning had to hold back a smirk when she had a sudden, bold idea. Ignoring the others, she snaked her arms about Fang's waist, keeping her chin over the silk of her sari. She whispered in her ear the words of the _men_ named Will and Thomas, respectively, reading their lips as they spoke.

"Like a sickness…and its cure, together…" Uncharted nerves joined her salacious grin along Fang's ear. The increasing rise and fall of Fang's shoulder signaled her quick effects—and courage, to continue. "Yes, like rain and sun…like, cold and heat…is your lady beautiful? I came here from the country…I've not seen her close…tell me, is she beautiful?"

A steady hand reached to the side of Fang's face farthest from her, gently stroking the skin glistening in the light of the television, "Thomas…if I could write of the beauty of her eyes, I was born to look in them and _know_ myself." Lightning tilted her face discreetly to have but a glimpse of those eyes, and… "…and her lips?" Her unsteadying hand glossed to the corner of the set mouth that held her attentions, "Her lips…? The early morning rose would wither on the branch if it could feel envy…"

Her raspy voice continued through and around Fang's steadily warming ear; Light was shocked by what she was allowing herself to say—she could feel three pairs of eyes on her, on them—but she couldn't stop. "…and her voice, like…lark song?"

It was as though they were the words she had always tried to find for her letters that had always eluded her fearful self; fear of saying too much, showing too much of her Entrancement—with the movie, with Fang—kept her speaking, kept her grin peeking progressively through her whispers…

"Deeper…_softer. _None like your twittering laughs. I have banished nightingales from my garden before they interrupt her song…"

Slowly, Fang turned her head to gently lock their her benumbing eyes onto Light's lidded ones. She brushed her lips softly along Lightning's lower one while her resonant undertone painted Thomas' next words, without needing to read his lips; without a speck of uncertainty:

"I think the lady is wise to keep your love at a distance. For what lady could live up to it…? Close to, and her eyes and lips and voice may be no more beautiful than mine…"

Varying self-control managed to wrestle its way into Lightning's mind, and it wavered and pulsated in time with another sensuality about her. Sensual sympathy, really. She wanted to say something, to follow up with a question…but her chance was lost when she saw Fang's gaze flicker to their curious companions on the couch to the side.

In that thickening of her viridian expression from veritable to villainous in her annoyance, Light managed to catch but a drop of understanding. Though small, it was thick enough; profound enough to hold, to covet, to treasure. But she needed more still.

Lightning felt a small ounce of paranoia while she drove Hope to the train station after the movie as promised. Perchance she was over-thinking the light-hearted conversation she was having with him while he sat contentedly in the passenger's seat, looking over at her intermittently with a smile. There was _something _bothering her, but it was so faint that it could have been overlooked. Her senses were too seasoned to not pick up on it, whatever it was, and it was starting to annoy her.

The streets that night were mostly empty while she drove the speed limit, and she wished her racing mind would mimic the roads lit up by street lamps and the occasional headlights of the cars going the opposite direction. Fang had already gone home with Vanille. Light had insisted she work things out with her sister after they dropped Val off at home, and she'd complied after a while of no complaints whatsoever…

Hope was either oblivious to or orchestrating Light's suspicions while he spoke amiably, "High school shouldn't be too bad. I dunno if I'll be famous there or not…probably infamous.. but I'll be fine. I'll definitely look into joining the Guardian Corps back home, or maybe here, after I graduate… You guys are coming to my graduation, right…?"

Light allowed a small smile, "We will, don't worry. We'll all be there."

"D'you think Val will be there?" asked Hope expectantly. Lightning only shrugged before he continued in one breath, "I think it'd be cool if he did. If…if he was still around. Vanille really likes him, anyway…"

"He's a good kid," was all Light could offer the boy. Hope's silence and his regard suggested he wanted to hear more, but there was nothing else to tell. "Is there something else you need to ask me, and not about school, or the military, or your dad?"

"Uhh…" He looked down at her feet, "why're you wearing those slippers? They seem kinda…y'know…"

Lightning shook her head, "They were a gift, from Serah. For my birthday." She was still wearing her black sleeveless shirt and shorts, driving with such a serious expression, and wearing moogle slippers. Hope probably thought her silly. She sighed, "I don't know, I guess I like them." Light glanced at his surprised face, giving him a small smile, "Don't tell anyone I said that, though."

Hope beamed at her while she moved her eyes back to the road, "I won't, promise. Cross my heart." He crossed it, before coming close to crossing a line with his next question, "Is it true you've liked Fang for a long time? Like, since that time in Palumpolum when we were at my place?"

Lightning's expression grew stony, and her eyes began to water from being unable to breathe momentarily. Hope appeared not to have noticed and continued on, "Well, it was kinda obvious. Me and Dad were in the other room talking and we heard you two in the living room, before Fang turned on the TV. You sounded different."

"Different?" she intoned darkly. Hope nodded plainly, unfazed.

"Yeah. We didn't hear what you guys were talking about, but your voice coming down the hall sounded off. Like you were a little worried about something." He laughed, snorting a little, but it was in disbelief, "Or were you just nervous?"

Lightning raised an eyebrow, deciding to subvert his questions. "I don't know what you're talking about." This was premeditated; he likely had some bias help in deciphering what her tone really had been. Vanille came to mind, even though she'd been near Nautilus with Sazh at the time, "Fang and I were talking about Snow and Serah. I went to go check on her while he was asleep in the guest room, after I finished wrapping his wounds."

"Oh. So you were worried about them? About Snow and Serah?"

Vanille's influence seemed to dissipate now, and Lightning had to stop blinking to dry her eyes. "…something like that, yeah." She was slowly but surely beginning to understand why Fang was so easily annoyed by her adoptive sister. "We're almost there."

"Yeah…" Hope looked down at his hands clasped over his lap. Lightning didn't even have to look at him to know he was deep in thought. "Hey Light?" She gave a small hum of acknowledgement. "What do you have to work for, now that your sister's married… now that…she doesn't really need you anymore, at least…at least not like that?"

Lightning spoke without hesitation; he saw how she was earlier during the movie, "Other than myself, and the town's safety…I have Fang. I like my job, knowing I'm doing my part to keep everyone safe, including the others…but she's the biggest motivation I have. I care more about getting promoted now, about having money."

He was silent for a moment. "D'you think she wouldn't like you as much if you weren't an officer in the military with plenty of money…? If you were a lot younger than she was…? If you weren't so strong?"

"Hope…" They reached the outdoor train station, and Lightning pulled into the paid parking lot without a second thought. He was clearly trying to ask her something of great import, and she wouldn't let him go back home without getting it off his chest. "What's this about, really? Is it—"

"Wait. Before you ask…" Lightning had parked her car underneath a lamppost and turned it off. She removed her key from the ignition and looked down at Hope worriedly, tuning out the far-off sounds of trains and chatter. "Answer my questions…then I'll tell you."

"To be honest…" Lightning rested her arm against the black leather headrest of her seat, feeling her chest and throat turn to nectar in her realization, "yes…I think she would. I liked her enough to go after her when I had the chance, and it paid off. The way I chased her is what counts. I wouldn't have done anything if I wasn't sure how to go about it. Come to think of it, I'll never stop chasing her."

"Funny…that's pretty much what I thought you'd say." He gave a lethargic laugh. "If you're not sure, you're not ready. Right?"

"It depends on the situation, but that's usually the case." Lightning placed her other hand on his shoulder encouragingly, nodding. "Everything works itself out in the end. For now, we have to go."

"You're actually gonna walk me to my train?" Hope's eyes nearly bugged out of his head while they both opened their doors and exited Light's dark chrome sedan. Lightning shut her door and pressed the alarm on her keys after Hope retrieved his bag from the back, shrugging. "Okay, there's gotta be something you're not telling me about those moogles if you're wearing them in public.."

"I kind of like moogles," she shrugged again while they began walking together through the small crowd to his train for the evening. Several of the commuters noticed her—they smiled because they did not know her, know of her usual disposition. They smiled at Hope for knowing her. "Fang likes them too. They can't be _that_ bad."

Hope laughed, "You just don't seem like you'd _wear _them."

"Oh? And why's that?" Lightning raised an eyebrow at him in faux offense, "Is it because I'm always so quiet all the time? Or is it something else?"

"Nah, they're just…" He grinned up at her, "so _girly. _That's all…"

"They're comfortable," Light defended with a gentle smile. She put an arm around his shoulders, from being comfortable with him, plain and simple, "I got some points from Fang for wearing them, too. She didn't have to tell me—I know I did."

"You should get as many points as you can, then," suggested Hope while they neared his train. "She's been in a really bad mood lately…I think she could use a few smiles. You're the best one for the job!"

Light smiled shyly in thanks, "I am, huh? What about Vanille? They're practically sisters, so shouldn't she be the best one?"

"Ohh…um, I don't…_think_ so, no..."

Lightning let her arm fall to her side while Hope stood in front of her, with his train right behind him. He had but three minutes to board according to the announcements through the speakers. Another train behind them began to take off, and another in the distance continued to zoom past the station, yet all she could focus on was the sad look in Hope's eyes.

He continued on when she only regarded him despondently in waiting, "She uhh…I dunno, Vanille seems like she can't make up her mind… One minute she's saying so many nice things about you and Fang together, then she's accusing me of…of liking you." Hope spoke quickly when he saw the sharp shock flash across Light's eyes, "It-it's just really confusing, that's all! She's confusing me! I don't…I _can't_…" A pause. He took a deep breath, "I'm not supposed to.. I'm not, but…I thought I.. that maybe I liked her."

Lightning spoke softly, to calm him; as soft as she could over the people and trains in the background, "What made you change your mind?"

"Ugh, she's… Light, I'm sorry, but why're girls so hard to get sometimes? It's like she can't decide if she's happy for you and Fang or not and she's taking it out on me! I don't understand what's not to be happy about.. Fang's probably only been in a bad mood because she knows all this already!"

"Hope, I don't think…" Light wanted to stop herself, but it was too late—Hope's determined look wasn't helping her silence either, "…I don't think Fang would be so down without giving Vanille a piece of her mind, if she was the only problem. There's…something else. Something else I have to fix."

"Did you do something to her?" A brick nearly hit her when she realized that she was actually talking to Hope about this; he was actually engrossed in the matter and eager to assist her. "But…but you couldn't have. I know, earlier…when we were arguing…I know how you can be, but you wouldn't… not to Fang. You're always so nice to her…you don't treat _anyone_ the way you treat her."

"No, I would never…" A fifteen-year-old boy's words were making her nervous, apprehensive… She abhorred herself for yelling at him earlier. "Maybe it's something I'm not even noticing I'm doing. It's my fault…damnit, why didn't I see it before? She's been trying to tell me all day but I wouldn't listen! Vanille's probably mad at me—"

"Light!" He shook her lightly—his train was about to leave. Hope spoke loudly over the intercom's announcement, "What's gotten into you? You didn't do anything—I have to go! And forget Vanille! It's Fang you have to worry about!"

She smiled in agreement, in relief. "You're right…" Hope shouted that he didn't hear her, and instead of yelling, Lightning only hugged him instead. "Thank you…"

Hope returned her embrace with a small smile, managing to have heard her voice through her hammering chest. She _was_ worried, but grateful to him—she missed him already, and he knew it. "No problem, Light…I'm glad I could help. It's the least I can do."

Lightning was driving in a slightly frantic rush to get to Fang's home. She had made a pit stop to a gift shop after seeing Hope off, and had purchased—to make a point—a life-sized, life-like moogle for her that was sure to make her smile, even if it was in disbelief or suspicion. The _point _was that Fang really had helped her grow into a better person over the course of nearly a year, and she was willing to do next to anything to repay her.

She felt like a total idiot for having such an epiphany—while driving and gritting her teeth every time she pressed down on the brake or gas in her soft slippers—but it couldn't have been helped. Hope was right. Serah was right. Even Snow was right—she ought to live a little, even when it wasn't her birthday. Up until now her idea of living a little was driving over the speed limit while blasting her speakers with music to keep her mind off of her heinous crime.

She was indeed doing so as she drove, well aware that she usually detested loud music, but when it was her own it was different. Though it wasn't really her own—she had only tuned in to a random radio station and turned up the alternative music without hesitation. She couldn't understand a words the singers were saying and she could feel the bass rumbling her chair and her back.

Relief flooded her when she managed to pull into Fang's driveway next to her and Vanille's car. No Guardian Corps on police duty had pulled her over, but she wasn't keen on the idea of making a similar drive back home. She parked and turned her car off, removed her seatbelt; almost scrambling to remove her keys from the ignition in the dim moonlight while her panicked breaths further blocked out the sounds of the nearby sea.

"Where's the fire? You were drivin' like a bloody madwoman."

Lightning kept from jumping with extreme difficulty while she had been reaching for the red gift bag in the passenger's seat. Her eyes widened so much that they hurt when she turned around and saw Fang sitting in her back seat, rubbing her head and wincing. "I was trying to hurry here…what are _you _doing?"

No explanation was given, and Fang wasted no time in huffing before crawling to the front of the car. Her warm hands held onto Lightning's arm and shoulder to steady herself while she moved to straddle the bewildered Lieutenant. Fang settled herself comfortably with her thighs and legs at either side of Light's lap, looking down at her with a stern face.

Her words were just as stern, though they did not agree with the heavily glazed look about her eyes, "Well…I do know one thing now: you never miss a chance to surprise me, that's for sure… Don't mean I can't do the same…" Fang ran her slightly trembling nails through the falls of Lightning's hair, admiring her set brow, the demanding look in her eyes… "Deceptisol," she stated plainly.

"Why?" Light's voice nearly cracked down the middle of the two forces within her. One wanted to keep the conversation going, to find all the answers. The other wished to be far more physical than that, what with the chills she felt from that sharp touch, "Why…didn't you just ask to come along?"

"And miss the show I got?" Fang laughed cynically, shortly, "No thanks. Think I'd rather be home alone with Vanille and Val if I made the decision not to hide back there."

"What do you mean alone? I thought you…or, _she_ dropped him off at his place?"

"No, she didn't." She gestured with her head to her home behind her, "They were givin' each other the eye all day. If I drove him home, he would've been askin' me to let Vanille spend the night with him. If I told them I was stayin' with you like I said I did, then he'd be in my house with her. They're in there."

"But…they're not… I mean they just met yesterday."

Fang rested her hands on Lightning's bare shoulders, running her thumbs along her skin, "I don't even know anymore." Her eyes moved down to follow her cathartically firm ministrations, "I don't want to know, Lightning…I don't…" Light's earlier shock faded away into awareness of Fang's weight on her, of Fang's _presence,_ no matter how sad she was, "It ain't like her, but your soldier's a smooth talkin', polite little bastard." Fang flickered her eyes to hers briefly, unapologetically, "'Scuse my language, but it's true. Fancied her damn skirt off all day and I bet that's what's happenin' now…"

"And you're not gonna stop her?"

"She's my sister, sweetie…she ain't my daughter. Even if she was, she's twenty. Vanille does what she likes, whatever that may be. Even if part of her is usin' him to forget about us right now."

"You can't honestly tell me she's… she sees me as some kind of threat? Like I'm gonna steal you away from her? As if I'd get you so involved in me that she wouldn't matter to you as much anymore?"

Lightning's heart skipped a beat when Fang couldn't reply. She quickly needed to get rid of her foreign anxiety—to forget it—even if it was only for a moment. She didn't like the cheerlessness about Fang at all, and she knew how to fix it. Her arm reached out to retrieve the bag, and she held Fang about the waist with her other while she handed the gift to her.

Fang looked at her vacantly while she allowed some space between them, holding the bag with one hand while another leisurely reached inside through the tissue paper. Lightning grinned broadly at the look of surprise on her face when she clearly felt the fur. She watched Fang ease her white moogle from the bag, looking at the plush toy as if she was being moved to tears by the end of a tragically beautiful film.

No tears were present in her eyes, but they were glistening in the moonlight with something else. She carefully set the bag aside and held her moogle with both hands, her eyes flickering all over the toy. It was a warm while before she steadied herself enough to speak quietly, still observing the moogle, "What's this for…?"

Lightning smiled easily, and spoke just as confidently, "I noticed you've been kind of down all weekend, so I thought I'd cheer you up. I didn't really know what to say, or write, so I got you this instead. You said you like moogles, right?"

Fang held her gift close to her chest, "Kind of, yeah…" She closed her eyes, taking a deep, calming breath while she held it closer still, smiling gradually. Lightning's smile widened at the sight. "Thank you, Light…you're too sweet, you really are. But…" Fang opened her eyes, and her regard changed from timid to uncertain and back and forth again, "why…a moogle…?"

"The hardened, stoic soldier doesn't seem like she'd like moogles. The wild, fearless huntress doesn't seem like she'd like moogles either. I only like them now because you do." Lightning eased the moogle from her arms, setting it carefully in the passenger's seat over the bag. "Speaking of which.. there are a lot of other things I only like now because of you. Romance is a big one…I used to think it was for saps."

"Oh yeah?" asked Fang softly while she wrapped an arm about Lightning's neck. "And now what d'you think it's for?"

"Saps," Lightning shrugged, smiling even more when Fang chuckled and shook her head knowingly. She held her face with one hand, keeping her other arm firmly wrapped about Fang's waist under her sari. "But really, are you going inside or not? We can't stay out here all night, it's late."

"Lightning…" Fang was evidently finding it hard to keep a strict tone while her face was brought closer—gradually—nearer to Light's. "I don't wanna walk in on them…on them possibly _ruinin'_ my house's virginity, all right?"

"You don't even know for sure that he's there with her," Lightning pointed out throatily, fighting the need to cross her eyes to look into Fang's. She alternated looking into one and then another, taking her time as it were. "Besides…" Light lifted her chin to have immediate access to Fang's expectant lips. She parted her own, giving her a deep, matter-of-fact look, "I was under the impression it was _already_ ruined. By you, no less…remember your dreams?"

Fang looked away, but Lightning would not allow her head to follow suit. "How could I forget?" she ground out through gritted teeth. Light chuckled. "You think this is funny?"

"What do you think I'm laughing at?" Lightning inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Fang grumbled quietly before intoning mulishly, "I dunno, you tell me."

"I'm laughing because you think they're so wrong. They're not. I want to know about them, eventually. Not now." Fang raised a thin eyebrow this time. "We're still getting ready for that. I'm not done yet."

"Seems to me you ain't even _started—"_

"I have. You just don't know it yet."

When Fang gave her a look that said she didn't believe her, Lightning wasted no time in changing her gentle hold on her to a decisive grip. The surprise that sighed through Fang's lips was tantalizing enough to taste, and Lightning did so by the mouth-full, with enough fervent force that Fang's hand bolted to the top corner of the windshield behind her to keep herself steady.

For all Lightning knew while she kept them going, steadily building the fury and zeal in her car filled with their raucous panting, Fang still didn't know yet. Slow and steady was the way to go—fermenting Fang was to be a very never-endingly rewarding process: one that was, of course, never-ending. Every time she did this, she felt Fang give more and more, even though she'd thought it impossible each time beforehand. She knew what to do.


	11. this woman's work

_**xi. **__this woman's work_

_Liability and love did not go well together, not at all. Isolation was impossible in the world they lived in, in their society that called upon their presence and needed their existence. Fang had always known how to make her own life—her own world—how to survive how she wanted. Admittedly, she was quite the spoiled, lovesick woman that could not live without her illness, the absence of which was her cure._

Through the frigid storm of pelleting rain three months later sprinted Fang and Lightning together along the coast close to the warrior's home, nearing an expansive rainforest filled with more prey for their early Tuesday evening. The speed and the thrill of having Light by her side and keeping up with her held all of Fang's worries at a distance. They both had their weapons in the hand furthest from each other, holding the freezing hand closest to them, and carrying conversation quite well despite their outrageous alacrity.

Fang shot her head back and laughed loudly against the rip-roaring winds that cut small, icy blades against every inch of her skin, "Lightning! I'm tellin' you, we should've started huntin' together _ages _ago! And _don't_ give me that mess about this bein' _illegal, _neither!_" _She tightened her frozen grip on Light's gloved hand, grinning so hard it warmed her face in prickling pain, "You're finally off duty! I told you we're gonna have ourselves a great time tonight, and we're gonna do just that!"

Lightning smiled diffidently, eyes still on the wet sandy path ahead, and Fang took that as her stamp of approval to have her fun once they arrived in the forest. Their conversation wasn't quite one-sided—Fang knew her soldier rarely raised her voice unless she was on duty. She was speaking quite loudly over the rain, and she didn't expect any verbal replies. Light's bright, responsive expressions would suffice.

They passed a massive rocky cliff that overlooked the tempestuous sea, piercing the inky grey skies with a daunting presence. Fang smirked at it, and the waves crashing against the jagged base, just as she always did whenever she passed by. Lightning was looking up at the tip top of the precipice in awe.

"Think you could survive a fall like that?" shouted Fang in good-humor. She felt her face fall in confusion when Light actually nodded, squeezing their interlaced hands even tighter. "Oh!" Another laugh escaped her, "I get it—your Grav-con thing, right? Aren't you glad we all bought it for you? Comes in handy!"

Neither a nod nor shake of her head was given—Lightning only continued to smile meekly at the forest mere paces away. Fang understood easily enough and smirked faintly, shaking her head at the sycophancy, and of course appreciating it—Lightning hadn't been referring to her AMP device with her gesture.

They entered the rainforest and steadily came to a halt, surrounded by immense trees and various wildlife, from floral fauna to the most savory of aquatic monsters to hunt for sport and supper. The large branches and fading leaves helped to shield them from the rain, though a good portion of rainfall still managed to trickle down through the timber. Fang let go of Light's hand to stretch briefly and return the feeling to her frost-bitten legs between her sari. It was unusually cold to her, but winter was approaching quickly and she'd never experienced such weather on Cocoon before.

She'd been in this forest many times and had a blueprint of most of it in her head. With Light backing her up, she planned on exploring the rest of the area while hunting for dinner the old-fashioned way… She idly spun Kain's Lance about while she took a deep breath that tasted and smelled of leafy moisture and wet wood and grass, admiring the faint sounds of their prey in the distance. She also admired Lightning while she shook the sand from her sandals, observing her survey the immediate area with a sharp caution that wasn't befitting to her kind of hunting at all.

A smirk planted firmly on her face, Fang slowly sauntered over to Lightning who had her back to her, peeking vigilantly over the side of a tree with a careful hand on the trunk. She wore her same uniform, and in her hand was her Ultima Weapon—it was the same colors of the sky and shaped as markedly as the soaked hair about her shoulders and face.

The smooth edges of her bent waist wrapped firmly about Fang's cold, damp arms. Light ceased breathing for but a second, turning; blinking questioningly at the searing look in Fang's eyes. She asked blankly, "I thought we were hunting?" Fang was feeling exceptionally esoteric and batted her lashes, knowing Light thought her strange yet not minding at all. "…we're _not_ here to hunt, are we?"

"Never said that," she proclaimed proudly. Lightning's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "We _are _here to hunt, sugar. There's a catch, might I add." Fang let go of her and began walking backwards casually. "_You're _gonna hunt _me." _The confused ire she saw in that fire was contagious. "Chase after me…"

"You really want me to hunt you? To _chase_ you?" An indignant pair of boots began walking after her while she spun her gunblade. "Out here in this rain?" Fang tightened her grip on her lance, locking her hard, beckoning glance with Light's challenging one. "Even though it'll be completely dark soon?"

Fang's mouth was watering with excitement. The tip of her tongue curled about her already damp lips before she bit down sharply on her lower one, "That's right…" She spoke through her front teeth, rolling her lip between the upper and lower ivories. Wishing it was Lightning's teeth that was rolling something else. Damn her chivalry… "I want you…to chase me…no matter how dark the night gets."

"Mmm…" Lightning saw her tempts and raised her eyebrow, "and morning always comes…"

She was growing nearer…closer, and nearer still while she swiftly tucked her gunblade into her holster… Fang was losing so far—the illusion she had of Light keeping her hand on the handle of her weapon, of those nails gently scratching the surface there and never leaving it refused to leave her. Farron clearly saw the evidence of her actions, and she tilted her head to one side, raising her chin coolly at Fang's heightened inhalations, still advancing…

A twig snapped faintly underneath Fang's foot, resonating soundly enough that she would soon be pinned against the tree behind her at this rate. She scorned the moisture she felt beneath her hand that held her weapon, a moisture that was not rain—one that Lightning had constantly, _constantly _been able to make her feel there, and elsewhere; teasing her without any effort while she tried in vain to resist.

Resist she tried to do while she snapped her anxious expression to one of challenge, bolting away in an instant. Lightning's smug chuckling echoed evocatively in the forest, in her ears; kept her moving.

Again she felt the rain-drenched wind jetting through her hair, against her face and body. Again, she felt the hounding presence of the only one in her life that she could never see as a predator in any way. And again, she felt cold and barren and soaked to the bone. She didn't like the way the wet silk of her garments held her back, or how _not_-aerodynamic her weapon had become in her excited stupor.

Again and again and again her feet continued to almost slam against the dirt and grass she ran through while she pushed her legs, cursing the tired ache she felt everywhere. It was because _Lightning_ was chasing her that she felt she might breathe her last strained breath at any moment. Chasing her with only the most loving of intentions, because she knew Fang enjoyed the delights of dashing. And yet there was no way—which meant she _knew _but was not saying anything—she could know of the whirlwind of insecurity that whipped and ripped her insides nearly every time they were together.

Lightning knew _exactly _what she was doing. Chasing but never going too fast or too far—on the pursuit but never catching her victim. Running after her no matter what Fang said or did or how much she put up a fight—going and going and going after her, always giving her time to get some distance first. The constant nearing and escaping was akin to electric, magnetic pulls closing in on one another, and in the end Fang was never allowed her release. Building, building, mounting and mounting—it seared her _and_ reared her; made her fear what would happen to her psyche if she ever got what she wanted.

With the force of that rising tension inside of her, Fang bent down low and leaped and soared high into the air, catching a solid branch underneath the balls of her feet; keeping it moving through the mostly empty treetops. Her spear swiftly severed any offending branches in her way while she kept jumping from tree to tree in a straight line, looking as though she were flying in all her speed and concentration.

She glanced down for a split second and saw Light still chasing after her on the ground, fists clenched, looking up at her crossly while her boots continued to cross through the forest and around the ordinary monsters in her way. "That's not fair, Fang!" A grin quirked at the corners of her mouth at how loud Lightning's voice was—she almost sounded like a boy. "You _know _I can't jump THAT high!" A very attractive one, at that… "Not without any help!"

A taunting laugh all in good fun reverberated among the treetops and seeped down to Lightning, only incensing her further, "I'd still like to see you try! You've got _plenty_ of help, right here!" Fang quickly stuck her tongue all the way out at her, curling it beckoningly before snapping her eyes back to the high road ahead. "And THIS too!"

She was about to slap her own ass or something of the sort until she heard a few breathy grunts from Lightning down below, signaling that she'd pulled some sort of stunt. Fang nearly forgot to slice several branches from her path when she turned and saw Light hopping from tree trunk to tree trunk, propelling herself higher, forward—deftly using one after another to keep her moving ahead and up to the treetops at the same time.

Fang didn't know what shocked her more—Light's sudden determination or how much she felt like she needed to slow down from feeling winded all of a sudden.

"Stop!" Reverse psychology, reverse psychology… "Fang, stop! You're going _too_ far in!"

Soon Lightning shocked her with sharp bolts of static electricity from nearly catching her, from not faltering at her failed attempt at ending the game too soon. There had been no playfulness in that close call. The sharpness of those nails and fingertip grip was fresh in her mind, rousing her spirit and sprinting her legs harder still. Fang quickly looked about while she spiraled Kain's Lance just in front of her face to keep the branches and unremarkable monsters at bay. There was nowhere to go but forward or down.

"You'd better do more than that if you wanna make me stop now!" Oh how she _wanted _to stop, but she had no idea what would happen if she did. Had no idea what Light would _do _to her if she _didn't_. Lightning's sounds of indomitable physicality were of no help to her indecision. "C'mon babe, let's go!" The burning in her chest was indefatigable, indisputable; undeniable, "Show me what you've got!"

"Goddamnit!"

Sooner than she expected she was almost caught again, and a few strands of her hair paid dearly for it. Immune to the pain she was—awareness of Lightning's closeness had taken over. Faster her heart collapsed and collided all throughout her insides when she had to arch her back forward to keep free from the swishing snatches just behind her. She nearly lost her footing too many times for her liking.

When she saw a wide, circular opening just ahead, leaving her no more trees to run along, she nearly saw the past five months flash _behind _her eyes right when Lightning clamped her arm about her heaving waist, keeping them steadily in place on the thick branch with her free arm hugging the tree trunk as much as possible. Fang was so tired and thrown that she began seeing black spots everywhere while she looked up at the darkening sky. The rain had calmed down slightly, but only just.

"What…" Lightning was panting hard against her, holding her roughly from behind. "…was that…" Fang had to keep from squirming while she too caught her breath, "…about?" It was rather hard to explain, really… "You scared me, you know…why wouldn't you listen to me? _Why?_" Fang let out a soft sound of surprise when Light spun her around, keeping her steady and safe; looking at her with an oddly wild disbelief, "Is there something you need to tell me?"

Before she could think of a response, Fang whipped her head behind her, below her, and Light's eyesight followed suit. She heard footsteps. Human footsteps, as erratic as they were. Lightning didn't waste any time jumping down to the grass below with her, holding her, and they quickly made the landing together with their knees bent against the other compromisingly, comfortingly. Lingering was not on Light's mind while she had Fang stand with her, holding her firmly about the waist while they walked in the direction of the paused steps.

Admittedly Fang was still too thrown to realize everything that was going on. She was aware that she and Lightning were steadily approaching someone, but her internal confusion was giving way to allowing Light to keep all awareness of the situation.

She certainly snapped out of it when she felt Lightning draw her gunblade, immediately switching it to its gun mode and firing exactly four times in a row, hitting the tree not far from them each time.

The sound of someone shouting in fear, not pain, and collapsing to the mud joined Light's quickening footsteps while she let go of Fang's waist to go survey the damage. Fang kept back a little when she saw Light kneel down and turn the man's face in her direction—his skin was a pale, frozen blue, and he wore a tattered green and black uniform she thought she recognized.

"PSICOM…" Light muttered. The man gave no response—his eyes were open in shock but he was completely still, breathing normally. Fang stopped at her side, gripping her lance in her confusion while her eyes roamed his many cuts and open wounds. "They haven't been in Bodhum since the Purge last year. Nothing's been going on here that my division can't handle." Lightning didn't have any explanation or speculation about the frigidity of his skin.

Fang sighed, feeling completely caught off-guard by everything, "I've been in this forest loads of times. Ain't never seen no PSICOM soldiers in here…"

"You haven't been to every part of this _forest, _I take it." Lightning reached in her pouch and retrieved her Guardian Corps wireless. She looked up at Fang austerely. "My superior's been talking about fencing the entire place off, starting near that cliff. This is the second guy we've found like this in the past four months."

"What happened to the first one…?" Fang asked, rubbing the back of her damp head while Light began calling into headquarters.

"He ran and threw himself off that cliff before we could interrogate him. I made _sure_ this one won't even be able to move for a while."

Fang nodded bleakly while Light turned back to her captive, speaking in a cool, professional tone, "First Lieutenant Lightning Farron. Good evening, Chief Warrant Officer—…yes, Zack, I _know _I'm off duty…this is important. I've found another PSICOM soldier, here in the rainforest near Valkurm county… _Yes _he's still alive, I need backup, _immediately_." She looked up inquisitively at Fang before continuing calmly, "Yeah…she's here with me. Looks like you'll finally get to meet her."

Fang stood with Lightning in a dark room with a large window in front of them, watching and listening to an officer harshly interrogate the man they found in the spacious, dark metallic room through the glass. There were several others in the room with them, and she knew she had only been allowed in thanks to Light's insistence and her own involvement in the matter. Light had her arms folded, scowling; observing the man devoid of his cracked helmet while the blonde female officer asked him questions ruthlessly.

She had no idea her insecurities would have aided in discovering this strange man. His skin hadn't warmed up at all, and he appeared deathly nervous and malnourished. His dark hair was long and matted and he looked so dirty, as though he were in dire pain. He looked so psychotic with his quirks and habitual spasms and jerks. The only words and phrases she could make out from his jittery confessions were: _Purge; Sanctum left us for dead; Bioweapons; Freezing crystal dust; Lake Bresha_…

She didn't feel she belonged there, but Lightning wanted her to stay. That had to count for _something_…

Soon enough the woman exited the room, and the man was in handcuffs being taken by two guards to a holding cell elsewhere in the building. The lights came on and conversation began to stir; a sickening feeling also stirred in Fang's stomach for reasons she couldn't grasp—a strong feeling of foreboding.

"Your guess is as good as mine, sir," Lightning was saying politely to another blonde in front of her who was _not _a _sir_ by any means. And if she was, she was a strangely beautiful one at that. Her hair was also quite long and stylish for a man if she really was one. "It might be related to the crazy amounts of marine monsters that start attacking during thunderstorms. I remember seeing a lot of the same creatures on Lake Bresha, too."

"Hm? Oh yeah, your _l'Cie_ business." The woman had a hand on her hip, looking down at Lightning nonchalantly. Her russet eyes were very clear-cut, very striking underneath her falls of blonde. Her voice was smooth and deep, that of one worthy of authority. "Hmph. It's almost hard to believe my best officer was involved in all that mess not too long ago. It says a lot that you're still alive and well."

"Sir, I…" Fang couldn't believe her eyes—Lightning was actually bowing her head, looking sheepish and a little unsure. "You're very kind, but…"

"But what?" Her tone snapped to one of superiority. Fang noted the deep silver hue of the two sharp luminous lines on both her shoulder plates over a sharp black trench coat. "You don't want me to praise you in front of your woman here?" She scoffed when Lightning didn't even raise her head, moving to stand in front of Fang; regarding her inquisitively. "You _are _her woman, aren't you?"

She was quite the Amazon; Fang actually had to look up a little to keep their gaze, "Why, _yes_, I am…—"

"Lieutenant Farron!" Lightning bolted to attention. What Fang wouldn't give for someone to take a picture of this moment… "Where are your manners, officer? Introduce us. I'm being nice for a change by letting her in here, and this is how you repay me?"

Fang smiled at the woman, sir, whatever she was while they resumed eye contact. She liked her already; Lightning was actually trying not to stumble over her words, "Sir, this is my girlfriend, Fang… Fang, this is my superior officer, Lieutenant General Chanel Delacour. She basically runs everything around here."

Neither woman offered their hand. She was unsure if she had to offer hers first or not, but the General soon folded her arms anyway, surveying her with a small sneer. Fang placed a hand on her own hip, still smiling. It was interesting how this woman in her coat over a fitting white shirt, white jeans and white work boots made her think of the complete opposite of Snow. Judging from the metal shaped over her knuckles, she had every right to assume she also specialized in hand-to-hand combat.

After a short while of observations, of Fang's curiosity being piqued by the General, and of Lightning trying not to show how anxious she was, she spoke again; calmly this time, "You can call me Chanel. Or sir, or General, Lieutenant General—whatever you're comfortable with." Lightning seemed surprised when her superior offered Fang a diminutive smile. "Do you have a last name, Fang?"

Fang grinned when Chanel offered her hand, "Oerba Yun, sir." They firmly shook hands, nodding.

"Oerba, huh? The village on Gran Pulse?"

"The one and only!" After hearing so many people refer to her home as only _Pulse _for so long, she found herself automatically liking anyone who used its proper name. "Might I ask whereabouts you're from?"

"Palumpolum." She shook the hair from her eyes, again moving to put her hand on her waist. "You'll have to excuse my coldness, Fang. I've lived here for twenty-six years now and I've been in the Corps for just as long. I'm a city girl at heart; I don't think I'll ever get used to the quaintness of this town."

"Makes sense, no worries." She motioned with her head to the still-stunned Light next to her, "I deal with this one everyday as it is, so I don't judge." Fang shifted her other hand to her other hip, smiling charismatically, "You certainly don't look your age, either. You look a lot younger."

Chanel smirked for a very brief moment. "You're too kind." Fang began to worry about the state of Lightning's lungs—she hadn't breathed properly for some time now. "On a more professional note, I have to ask that you keep all the information you heard and saw to yourself." Fang gave an assuring nod, and the General seemed pleased. "Thank you for your cooperation. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"The pleasure's all mine, Lieutenant General."

They exchanged polite nods before Chanel coolly redirected her attention to Lightning, shaking her head, "Honestly, you didn't even say a word on your own. Work on your social skills. You have a beautiful girlfriend—I suggest you act like it."

Light winced in apology and bowed her head once more. The General's eye twitched. "Enough of that, Farron. You're not on duty." She began strutting away at a brisk, military pace, "Come to my office. There are some matters you and I need to discuss in private."

Fang was smirking while she faced Lightning properly. She looked like she'd had one of the biggest scares of her life. "That wasn'tso bad, babe. She's really nice, in the same way you can be."

"Everyone calls her a hardass," Lightning mumbled, ashamed of her gossiping but still continuing anyway, "she never smiles. She never smirks or acts polite to anyone unless they're her superior. And even then her only superior is the General of the Guardian Corps, but he's retiring in a few years."

"You used to be the same way," Fang shrugged indifferently. "Who knows, maybe somethin' happened to her. I gotta admit, though—I never thought I'd meet someone _you're _scared of, that's for sure."

"Whatever." Incorrigible… Fang only sighed. "I have to go talk to her…it shouldn't take long. But I was thinking…afterwards, do you want to—"

"Hey Fang!" The officer on phone duty she'd met earlier—Zack Fair—accosted her with a broad grin. Fang gave Light a wink before facing him and nodding, "I've got tons of people who wanna meet you! No one believes me when I tell them _you're_ the Lieutenant's girlfriend!" He stopped, blue-green eyes regarding Lightning uncertainly. "You okay, Lieutenant? You look pissed!"

"I think she'll be _just_ fine," Fang answered easily for her. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Light's, lingering long enough to relax her but not _too _long. When she pulled away, Light's face was adequately flushed. Fang faced the dark-haired man once again, still returning his grin, "Light's got some business to take care of anyway. I'll go with you; I'd sure love to meet everyone."

The next Sunday evening brought the usual crowd sans Hope together for another loud, late dinner at the dining table at Serah and Snow's. The dinners had gotten progressively louder and longer and filled with more laughter—Val had charmed everyone easily enough over time, always entertaining most of the group with tales of his family's antics and his own personal anecdotes.

No one ever appeared to notice that Fang and Lightning always kept to themselves at one far end of the table, talking quietly with one another due to their less than taken regard of Vanille's boyfriend. Sometimes Fang humored herself in thinking that maybe Lebreau noticed, but it never went any further than that—the bartender was just as captivated as everyone else, apparently.

"I need to go back home soon," Lightning muttered to her, both of them rolling their eyes discreetly at one another; the rest of the table had erupted in gregarious laughter yet again. "Preferably now. I have some things I need to do."

"What things?" The words came out automatically out of curiosity, not prying. Yet the way Light looked down and away made Fang place a gentle hand under her soldier's chin. She gave her a faint smile that reached all the way to her eyes, "What's the matter? You've been real quiet ever since the other day. Somethin' you're not tellin' me?"

"Hey Sis!" Snow had an arm around his giggling wife's shoulders, grinning widely at Lightning from the other end of the table, "That true? Val says you're going off on a mission tomorrow without him!"

Everyone's smiling faces mutilated Fang's insides while she moved her hand away from Light, barely hearing her speak up affirmatively, "Uh…yeah, I… I am." _Why _was she the last to know? Was this what Lightning had been so clammed up about? "I'll be in Lake Bresha with a big group of other elites, doing recon, and a few other things…it should take care of the monster problems the city has during thunderstorms." The guilt in her tone that only Fang could hear made her question her next words, "I shouldn't be gone for too long…"

"That's good to hear!" Serah smiled, giggling a little when Snow held her closer. Fang nearly wanted to vomit. "I know you'll do a great job. Come home soon, and safe, okay?"

"I will." Lightning stood politely and pushed in her chair, leaving Fang sitting there feeling at a complete loss. "I'm going home. The train station isn't too far away from my house, so I'll walk there on my own." She should have known; she should have known… "I'll see you all when I get back."

Everyone at the table stood genially to walk Light to the door and see her off with kind words, yet Fang could not move. She remembered the apprehension she'd felt at the Guardian Corps headquarters, and it arrested her, kept her rooted to the chair. Not one person noticed her and stayed behind.

No one—except for Vanille.

The girl had stood up initially to turn the lights off while following behind Val, and she did so, only before noticing her sister still sitting dejectedly at the table in the dark. Fang was giving a hard thousand mile stare at the chair at the other end of the table, unable to find the will to tell Vanille to leave her alone.

All she could think about was if Lightning had ever planned on telling her anything, or if she'd planned on leaving without even saying goodbye to anyone, not even her. She also had a bubbling feeling that Light would be gone for longer than she'd told everyone else.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Vanille asked quietly. Fang pretended not to have heard her. "I _know _you hear me! Just admit it—you feel silly because Lightning didn't even tell you she was leaving!"

"So what if I do?" snapped Fang, immediately losing what little patience she'd had. Vanille looked sheepish, but that didn't change her tone in the slightest, "Don't provoke me, Vanille. I _don't _want to hear a word you have to say about her, you got that?"

"Why are you always so mean to me? I've never done anything to you!" And there she went with her sob story… Fang _really _wasn't in the mood to hear it. "_How_ could you be so—"

"Can it, Vanille—"

"No! I'm tired of staying quiet!" Fang was honestly quite content for things to go back to the way they'd been for the past few months. "For nearly our whole lives, it's only been us! We promised we'd be together forever! And then…then once she comes along and sweeps you off your feet, it's like you don't even care about anything else anymore! You only care about _her_ now!"

"It's real funny that you have such a problem with my love life," replied Fang tartly, "'cause if _I _remember right, _you _were the one goin' around, showin' that first letter she wrote me to the others like she wrote it for you. You were happy for me then, what's wrong now?"

"Ever since the wedding you've been acting stuck-up, that's what! You're never home and you never spend any time with me anymore! And when's last time we've gone fishing together—"

"Look here: you've got your charmin' little boyfriend who's nothin' but a peon, and I've got my girlfriend who's one of the highest ranking officers in her regiment. We have different lives now, so _deal _with it."

Vanille glowered and walked over to her slowly, almost mockingly. Fang leered at her. "If she's so _important _to you,then why are you letting her go without saying goodbye?"

"She's leavin' _tomorrow, _Vanille, not right this moment!"

"That's not what Val told me," she said in a tattle-tale tone. If Fang heard his name come up like this in their arguments one more time… "His dad is in the Guardian Corps too. Her train leaves at _midnight!_ There's a very dangerous bioweapon infestation down there…she might not make it back alive!"

Fang automatically felt herself sinking in her chair; her insides had turned to venomous stone.. She breathed piteously to herself, "Why didn't she tell me…?" Vanille didn't look smug at all while she stood next to her, but her presence alone wasn't helping at all. "_Why_…?"

"Maybe she just doesn't like goodbyes," offered Vanille.

Fang shook her hollow head, scowling, "I'm her _girlfriend, _Vanille! I'm _her woman _and she's mine! She'd _better _say goodbye to me if she knows what's worth!"

Vanille tried again, softer this time, "Maybe…she thinks something doesn't feel right anymore, and this is her way of break—"

"You got _one_ more time, Goddamnit!" Fang stood and shoved her chair back, looking down at Vanille edgily, standing directly in front of her. She was unfazed by the fear in her eyes, "Say somethin' else about Lightning, I dare you! Say _one _more thing and I _swear _I'll—"

"You'll _what_, Fang?" Vanille was close to tears in her fearful fury now, only angering Fang further. "I understand if you're upset that she didn't give you any heads up, but _she's _the one you need to take this out on, and not m-_me!"_ Fang backed away remorsefully, shaking her head—she knew that already, but she hated that _Vanille _had to point it out. "_Either_ _way_ she wants you to keep away from her! You _know _how she is, even I do! If you love her, then you'll do as she asks!"

Fang barely felt her backside gently come into contact with an empty spot on the cold wall. She leaned heavily against it, with all the weight of her words pressing on her heart, "I never told her I do. Not once. She hasn't told me, neither." She looked down and closed her heavy eyes, feeling idiotic. "She's liked me for way longer than I liked her…so I always assumed she did, that she'd tell me when she's ready." Another realization had her throat and eyes stinging, "We haven't even…_even_…"

Vanille's eyes widened, "All this time, and you two haven't—"

"NO we haven't!" Her fist slammed against the wall, and she used it to push herself to stand correctly, even though her legs had turned into flaming vapors, "_All_ _this_ _time_ she's been takin' me out to dinner, out to the movies, out to different shows! She's been buyin' me things, keepin' me happy, _always_ makin' sure I'm taken care of! The only time I care about sex is when I have those fuckin' _dreams_, or if she's bein' sexy without realizin' it and my mind starts wanderin' like the depraved sod I am!"

"Fang, wait—"

"I ain't finished yet, Vanille!" Fang barked back, advancing towards her meek form purposefully, "Lightning may be the biggest _bitch_ you know besides me, but we work together! Me and her are a team! A different kind than me and you are—or _were_—I don't even know anymore! And she…she's…"

"…she's got you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she? You _can't_ think about anything else other than her. This is the first time anyone's ever made you feel this way…isn't it?" She didn't even have to justify that with an answer. Vanille looked up at her in quiet shock, "_Fang_…oh my goodness… I'm _so_ sorry…"

Fang looked away, feeling a little panicked all of a sudden; feeling a strong bout of restlessness overtake her, "Vanille, I…" She looked to the round clock on the wall—it read ten-thirty. The stinging returned to her eyes in full force, "I'm sorry too…I am…but need to go to her, I _need _to…—"

Her head snapped up, finally noticing everyone else standing in the archway in front of her in amazement. She looked down at Vanille, then back to the others, feeling her dread mounting more and more for every second she wasted standing there helplessly. The look of astonishment Serah in particular made her feel like complete shit for holding everything in, for not telling Lightning everything when she had the chance. Seeing her elder sister there in that face did it for her.

Quickly, Fang pushed through Vanille and their crowd of onlookers and out to her car, damning her emotions for showing themselves as little as they did.

Minutes later Fang had parked her car behind Lightning's, and was standing at her front door awkwardly in the chilly wind. She had on her keychain a spare key to Light's home that she had acquired through not-so-legitimate means, to use in emergencies such as this one. She never imagined that _this_ would be the kind of circumstance under which she would first be using it… Sighing, she rubbed her ringing forehead with one hand while the other unlocked the door. She never had any idea what to expect with Lightning, but every part of her wished that her girlfriend really wanted to be followed that night.

Immediately upon entering Light's modest, bright home, Fang's ears picked up on the loud alternative music playing somewhere in the house. After locking the door and placing her keys in her pouch, she began treading in the direction of the music. Her eyebrows quirked up at the bitter lyrics of the woman who was singing—something along the lines of _The truth is hiding in your eyes, and it's hanging on your tongue, just boiling in my blood. But you think that I can't see, what kind of man that you are, if you're a man at all. Well I will figure this one out, on my own…_

The closer she got to the room, the less she was able to fill her lungs properly. She could faintly hear those same breathy sounds only Lightning was capable of making, and they grew louder to her veteran ears with every step she took. Down one undecorated hall was the source of the music and the sounds, and Fang peeked through the open doorway of Light's moonlit workout room.

Lightning's back was to her, her shoulders and arms were bare, and she had wrapped her chest and back in clean bandages for some reason. Fang's heart began moving up and down in her chest in time with Lightning's rapid pull-ups while she held a bar connected to her ceiling. Her shorts were black and spandex and her legs and feet were also bare; her entire rigidly fluid body looked as though it were glistening with sweat despite her running ceiling fan and open window.

Fang could only watch in captivation, entrancement. Pure strength was what Lightning exuded—truly.

Longer and longer she continued to stand there, not quite through the doorway; keeping her arms folded and a knee bent while she leaned on the wall and continued to watch. Lightning never stopped or even slowed down. Similar songs kept playing one after another, mostly of a different band with another female lead with a beautifully haunting voice. Fang kept the songs in mind, assuming that they were of Light's favorite band, but she couldn't deny that they were only adding to her feelings of foreboding.

But when the lead began singing: _Beg my broken heart to beat. Save my life, change my mind, _Fang finally felt the need to put her foot down. She stepped in the room that smelled of sweat and groaned quietly to herself—she knew she had it bad if she didn't mind the smell at all, and even _liked _it to an extent, "Lightning!" she yelled over the music._ No light to lead the way. Remember that alone is where I belong. _Fang growled even louder this time, "Lightning Farron don't _act _like you can't hear me!"

Still nothing. Fang stomped over to the boom box on the floor not too far away and irately unplugged it. Lightning was still at it. Enough was enough, and Fang was right behind her in an instant, grabbing her around her thighs and ankles to keep her still.

Lightning sounded breathless, "Fang!" Yes, that was her name… "Wh-what are you doing here? How did you get inside?"

She wasted no time in pulling Lightning away from that bar despite her protesting, making her let go of the thing and fall over Fang's shoulders like a child. She left the room and made her way further down the hall to the bedroom. Lightning was indeed as sweaty and unhygienic as she claimed to be, but in all honesty, Fang still didn't care no matter how much she complained about it. Part of her was treasuring the moment—another was furious with Light over everything. The latter part of her was adamant about making itself known and crystal clear.

Lightning's bedroom was spacious, lit by the moonlight shining in through her moderately-sized windows—decorated with only the bare essential pieces of black and white furniture. Her idea of décor was displaying her prized gunblades about her walls, among framed certificates and awards. Fang could never forget the stubborn smell of polish, fine metals, and all of Lightning's figurative work she brought home with her about the room. All of it clung to the walls, the pearly white carpet; her _tongue, _even…

"Seriously Fang, did you break down my door or something to get in here?" Lightning was nervous and guilty and ranting—she wouldn't shut up. The truth made Fang hurry faster to the large bed covered in a silky silver duvet. "I have to get it fixed if you did, but I can't do that while—"

"While you're gone, yeah—I know," Fang finished acidly. Lightning's breath caught in her throat. "_Don't _get predictable, Claire—I don't even need to see your face to know you've got shame all over it! You can't sweat that away no matter _how _hard you try, trust me!"

In a powerful, swooping motion Fang slammed Lightning's limp body on the bed, finding that it didn't even begin to alleviate her searing anxiety. Light sat there stunned for a moment, as if she really didn't see this coming. "If it makes you _feel any better, _I didn't do nothin' to your door! I have a key."

"What the hell do you _mean _you have a key?" There, her typical coldness made a comeback. "I never gave you one!"

"Let's just say I know you better than you _think_ I do." Fang folded her arms while Lightning had her arms propped behind her, having the audacity to scowl up at her. She snorted, "Whenever shit starts happenin', you always think it's best to charge in headfirst without givin' any notice. You're bloody triflin', Lightning—I can't _believe _you thought you could slip off for who the fuck knows how long without sayin' nothin' to _me, _of all people!"

Lightning said nothing; she only fixed her face and regarded Fang quietly. Fang decided just to go on, "At first we started off real cool. Takin' me places I ain't never been, but now you're gettin' comfortable. In the past week you ain't been doin' those things you did no more. And you had the _nerve _to think I wouldn't notice somethin' was up? I had to find out from _Vanille _what's goin' on?"

"What…did she tell you…?—"

"Enough for her to have that bitchy superiority she did after you left me sittin' there, lookin' like a fool! This ain't no _ordinary _mission and even _you_ might not make it back in one piece!" Fang leaned down and crawled over Lightning, following her despite the soldier's efforts to crawl away. Her guilt was sickening—made her own stomach and heart clench painfully. "Your train leaves in an _hour_, yet you tried to play it off like this was no big deal! As if I was supposed to _let you go, _justlike that…"

Her longings and regrets soon brought her to a stop, and she fell despairingly into Light's arms while she sat up against the pillows and the headboard. Lightning held her tight despite her legs tangled uncomfortably beneath Fang's dead weight. Her breathing was forcedly calm; her heartbeats were jagged and haunting. She was still sweating, and yet because of what the next hour brought…to Fang, Lightning smelled heavenly. Any more of this and she felt she might lose it.

"I hate goodbyes, Fang. It's hard to kiss you goodbye before I leave for work. I hate being away from you, but…" Lightning paused when Fang's hold on her tightened. She inhaled deeply and continued on just as calmly, "I was ordered not to give you or anyone else any details about the mission. Val wasn't supposed to tell Vanille anything either—I'll have to report him for that."

Fang wanted to remind her she didn't give a damn about any orders, but she couldn't speak. "I'm sure you guessed that I planned on leaving without saying anything to you. I thought it was for the best. I figured if you were mad at me, then maybe you wouldn't miss me as much—"

"Who the hell thinks like that? You might _**die**_out there, Lightning! _Damnit_ I can't standyou right now…"

Lightning gave no response. Fang couldn't breathe through her clipped throat—the proximity and imminent distance was mauling her with two different rusty bars at the same time. Everything she felt, all of Light's unspoken love was closing in on her, forcing her to play her hand, and she didn't want to win. When Light's hand moved her face up, when Lightning _kissed _her—_deeply_—she honestly lost all semblances of who she was while she responded gently, weakly.

There was something about being in her arms in her bed so late at night that made her want to beg for something. Not ask, not demand, not state—she felt too thick and too torn and too emotional to keep in line with her usual self tonight. Lightning was taking all of Fang's strength for all she knew, conducting it right from her abating lips and burning face and her eyes wide shut in disbelief. It wasn't fair that she always knew exactly which nerves to pull to make her fall to pieces in her arms like this.

And Lightning did it again and again while she gently pulled away, tenderly pushed her away; calmly left her alone there to walk into her bathroom linked to her room.

Fang was once again sitting within herself while she listened to Light draw a bath. Everything she wanted was still going about her normal business, seemingly oblivious to how much she _needed_ her right now. She removed her sandals and sat cross-legged upon the bed, keeping her head in her hands, listening to the bath get fuller and fuller and thinking non-stop about the body that would be in the bath, presumably without her.

All of her earlier rage transformed into yearning, into different kinds of desires of all shapes and sizes that all led back to Lightning. Lightning, who was done filling her bath, and was now getting in with a water-smooth summon that Fang was powerless to fight. Despite her earlier plans, Light wasn't so cruel that she'd abandon her. The abandonment would only happen if she left without something for the road. Something Fang already knew Light would decline taking, but she had to at least try and see what she could get out of it. Or off of it.

She was up and in the bathroom faster than she could remember to blink and breathe once.

A soft hounding was present about her footsteps while she walked through the candlelit room and over to Lightning. She could smell strawberry incense burning softly, feel another heated chocolate aroma surround her just as strongly, hugging her curves that dared move closer to the one she wanted.

Light's sizable ivory bath was along the wall in front of her, and she sat there in profile, giving her an oblique, passive scowl. Her bare feet stopped along the tile floor, mere paces away from her penchant. Was Lightning sitting in a warm bubble-free bath or was she sitting on a throne? The way her arms were along the basins at either side of her, the way her back was so straight; the way she commanded authority made her question what her eyes were viewing. It was disarming, unnerving—all the confidence Fang had had dissipated in the damp, aromatic air.

"Do you have faith in me?" Lightning used one hand to brush away the falls of her hair that were steadily moistening along her forehead. Fang nodded mechanically. "Alright then. Glad that's settled."

She didn't understand, but saw no point in asking for clarification. "How long will you be gone for…?"

"Like I said, not too long. Vanille exaggerated—this mission won't be that big of a deal, not with the group I'm part of. They're sending us because they know we'll get the job done soon, before the hurricanes and bigger thunderstorms start happening. This will be the first winter we've really experienced, now that there aren't any fal'Cie controlling the weather anymore."

"Right…"

Lightning sighed, "Nothing longer than a week or two. I know I should've just told you, but I kept getting cold feet. I didn't want you to worry…" She wasn't worried—she felt like a right idiot, and was concocting very colorful ways to make Vanille pay for getting her so worked up over nothing… "You know Vanille likes attention. Blame her boyfriend for inflating her head."

"How'd you know I was thinkin' about her?"

"You always frown a certain way whenever she's on your mind. I know you."

Fang finally hovered closer to her, sitting down next to her with her legs at one side and her feet pointed behind her. She kept an arm propped along the white towel she was sitting on, watching her other hand trace indistinct patterns along her thigh. "I've gotten so dramatic these past months," she admitted sardonically. "Moody and emotional… I yell at anyone at the drop of a hat if I think they've wronged me. My sister and her boyfriend are even plottin' against me now, I've changed so much… The hell's happenin' to me…?"

"I don't think anyone ever _changes_." Lightning reached out and placed a hand over Fang's sullen face, "You never stop growing into yourself. I know you're used to being relaxed and peaceful most of the time, but things are different now. You'll always be the same person to me, Fang. No matter what."

"You know…" Fang leaned in to the touch more, finding that she was struggling to keep her eyes open, "there's somethin' I've been wantin' to tell you for months now… Somethin' I was always too proud to say to you… but hearin' you talk to me like that, it puts me at ease…helps me think straight."

Lightning took a moment to respond, pillowing her anticipation with her tone, "I'm listening."

She willed her eyes to stay open despite the lull; she resolved to keep their regard despite the dull fervent ache she felt everywhere. She was _really_ admitting to this, "I can't tell you how hard I've fallen for you, Light…whatever you're doin' to me is your second job, so keep at it…don't you dare stop. You keep throwin' me for one loop after another, and I.. well, it… the _thought _of—"

Fang shook her head, feeling absolutely stupid. She lowered her gaze a little, and Light's followed compassionately. Such a small gesture made her spill _nearly _everything, "I _can't _lose you. You've got me trapped in a good way and I don't wanna go anywhere if it's not with you. My life turned upside-down the day you wrote me that first letter…and ever since then, I've…" _Grown obsessed with you? Turned into a lunatic? Often forgotten my name?_ "…I've realized that I _really _can't do _shit _right without you by my side…"

She shut her eyes automatically when Light stood up. The watery movements of her legs out the water had her mind racing. The quieter ones of her actually walking behind her, kneeling down and holding her purposefully—and wetly—from behind made her nose and forehead bead with an embarrassed sweat. Lightning likely sensed her turmoil and only breathed calmly in her ear for a long moment, giving her time to calm down, but the hour was growing thin. She would have to leave soon…

Eventually Lightning settled on a few last words after kissing her temple; they were as purposeful as her touch, and the memory of it all would stay nestled in Fang's mind very clearly for a long time to come:

"You know…I'm exactly the same way about you. I'm not perfect…and yet you always make me think otherwise whenever I catch you looking at me shyly. I _really_…love being with you, Fang… And I know you can take care of yourself just fine, but…" Light used a warm hand to ease their gazes together, and she was smiling—smiling so beautifully, "Zack also said to me…that being with your girl is good…but keeping danger far away from her is better. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I promise I'll be back, soon."


	12. snowdrift waltz

_**xii. **__snowdrift waltz_

_People, in the way they treat me, try to tell me that I'll end up alone if I don't get my act together. It's like they think they know me, like I can only attract and keep someone if I'm all smiles all the time. The truth is that I never cared about myself, or any of that. Not really. In a way I still don't, but I feel stronger, caring about you. I feel like I'm amounting to something far greater than I could've imagined, feeling the way I do about you. It makes my days brighter, gives me a reason to grow stronger. _

_I remember every single word I've written for you, but I can't remember the exact moment when I forgot myself. When you could look at me, and I could seriously wonder if my name had ever been Claire or not. It's like I've forgotten. Forgotten who I was, even after I became Lightning. I know who I am now, thanks to you. It's just that I have no idea how I went about my days before I felt this way about you._

_The thing is, you have no idea. I try to write to you, but the words don't want to come out of my room and into your hands. I've written so many of these things and I haven't given any of them to you… When I even try to say to myself I'll send you a letter, all my resolve crumbles around me and I can't move. Nothing I write seems good enough for you. I don't know. Maybe I really am a coward and a blowhard… _

_Nothing…it's mysterious, unknowable, intangible. It's unique in that you can make it into what you want. It's something special you can have that no one else understands, because it's so particular to you. It's whatever you want it to be, whatever satisfies you. No one can look at it, scrutinize it; tell you that you're stupid for loving it the way you do. It's impossible to have, to a normal person. To someone normal, it's so unthinkable and unimaginable, and that's what makes it—and you—extraordinary. You're the same._

_Fang…how I wish I could give you nothing. _

In time with the small jerks of the speeding train moved Light's body as she sat otherwise motionless in the hushed locomotor, looking down at the paper in her gloved hands. The seats along both walls of the long vehicle were filled with soldiers as silent as her, as quietly apprehensive as her. There was only a faint light on, and no windows to look out of. They had already received their mission debriefing by the Lieutenant General who was to be the leader of their operations while in Lake Bresha.

While Lightning read over and over the months-old letter she had written to no one—for Fang—thoughts of lies consumed her. How she told her straight to her face that she wouldn't be gone for very long at all, when in fact her superior officer had made it quite clear that there was a lot to do, a lot to take care of while on this assignment—and it wasn't going to be pretty. A week or two? No, perhaps a _month_ or two, at the earliest allowing them to be home to welcome the new year.

From the infectious insipidness about the rest of her elite regiment members, she likely was not the only one who had given her loved ones a false estimate of her safe return. The likeness was heavy, like a rain cloud. Dark as night, unsteady as the handwriting of the letter in her hands under her stoic gaze. Zack was next to her—she saw his curious eyes wandering, first to the date at the top of the paper, before reading its contents. Captain Agrias Oaks—the blonde interrogator from the other day—was also next to her, too caught up in her own thoughts to notice anything else. Lightning almost envied her.

Lieutenant General Delacour walked in the cabin suddenly, but of course startling no one. Those not asleep or dead to the world looked up before bowing their heads to her, but they were few. She looked displeased while she spoke loudly to the group, "Well aren't you all the lively crew? I'll be damned if you show any enthusiasm about this operation. Show some spirit already!"

Lightning calmly directed her attention to the General, as did the rest of the elites. Their leader began a slow pace down the aisle with her arms folded, looking to her left and right at everyone individually, "Granted enthusiasm and spirit is for enlisted recruits, not highly-trained officers, but you can't blame me for trying. I can't send you old cynics off without making sure you at least _smile_ before leaving."

Many spared her a few chuckles, actually making her smile. Light nearly felt the mood of the entire cabin lift even more from her expression alone. "Look sharp, officers! We're to arrive soon. Once this is over, we'll have settled an ecological struggle that would've threatened the lives of all of Bodhum's citizens. We'll go home proud. Until then, I expect nothing less than your best effort. If I or Colonel Tingel see any slack from anyone, we'll arrange a train back home for you straightaway. Don't _say_ I didn't warn you."

The cabin erupted in a synchronous "Sir!", from Light included, though she felt unfocused for the first time while on a mission. All she wanted to do was go back. Even if it was only to tell Fang the truth and be slapped by her for lying before returning to her duty, she harbored an aching _need_ to see her—it was showing in her face, badly.

"Lieutenant Farron?" Her superior was looking down at her with a small scowl of concern. Light slowly returned her regard, now appearing hard as stone. Delacour gestured with her hand beckoningly, looking disheveled for a ghost of a second, "A word. Follow me."

Lightning stood with her letter, her boots sounding eerie in her ears while she followed after the General to the smaller, empty cabin at the far end of the train. She kept up with her military pace well enough, though she had no recollection of actually walking anywhere. It was a while before she realized she had stopped where her superior had led her, standing there like a dispassionate fool.

"So I see you love to read," Delacour began evenly before her tone grew scathing, "it's astounding! I think should've delegated you to office work in my absence instead of bringing you here!" Lightning didn't have the energy to do or say anything—she merely stood and took the grit of her superior's sneer right in her face, "You're distracted! I _thought_ you said you were up for the job? Or did I _mishear_ you?"

When Light couldn't even respond, the General's sneer vanished. She sobered, sounding sympathetic all of a sudden while she took the paper from the Lieutenant's flaccid hand, "What's the matter with you? You've gone and wilted on me…"

Her eyes moved down to the letter, reading it properly for the first time. Lightning could only wonder of the _time_, and if Fang had gone to bed yet or not, even while _her_ _superior _read. Pride, embarrassment—what was it to her but two emotions she could never feel when it came to her proclivity? Everyone knew she felt something, yet only Zack—and now the General—knew a little more. They had learned so without her permission and without her negation. She understood well why it couldn't bother her.

Chanel finished reading. She turned and walked a little ways a way, standing there with her arms folded, holding the letter over the black sleeves of her bicep. "Lightning." The soft sound of her name brought her back to reality, made her regard her superior's backside in surprise, "Tell me why you're here."

"I'm here to do my job, to fulfill my duties as First Lieutenant in the Bodhum Security Regiment of the Guardian Corps. I'm here because this is an operation that calls for my skills in combat and espionage."

"And are you here because you _want _to be?"

"I want to protect the town, sir."

"But you don't _physically_ want to be _here._" She faced Light once more, both of them appearing unemotional and unreadable. "Away from…your _girlfriend. _Do you?"

Lightning was still frightfully unconcerned while she said plainly, "No, General. I don't."

Delacour ran a hand through her long hair, ruffling it impatiently, "Did you not hear my speech earlier? If you don't want to be here you might as well stay on board to go back home!"

"I can't return home without ensuring that this operation is finished successfully, sir."

"Oh, so am I supposed to be the one who breaks the news to your family?" She was scowling again, very deeply at that, "Am _I_ supposed to tell them that you lost yourself to the demons out there because you were an unfocused, lovesick _fool_ while on the battlefield?"

"I think the General should have more faith in her subordinate who's willing to die for—"

"Will you _stop that _already, Farron! Do you _understand_ the position I have? I don't allow myself to get close to any of you, because any day at any moment's notice, they might die, possibly even at my command! But when I read something like this, I have to wonder if you've ever let anyone in _at all."_

Light could not lie, "No, sir, I don't think I have. I can't. Not yet."

"Are you using this as an excuse not to? A reason to run away?"

She almost wanted to laugh—to her, that was a funny way of putting things. "General Delacour, I have nothing to run away from. I have nothing to return to either, not until this mission is over. My duties lie in Lake Bresha, under your command. I'll do whatever it takes to be able to return home, to make my family proud." Chanel looked unconvinced, and Lightning added: "To keep Fang protected."

"She _hunts_ for a living, Lieutenant." She narrowed her eyes dangerously, "That's a sign that she can certainly do without your protection, _especially_ at the risk of your life. You're being careless, and dare I say cocky." She waved the letter about her face, "Do you know what this tells me? You bottle things up, you can't let anyone in, and you're still green when it comes to your emotions. You're not used to feeling the way you do. I _don't_ want her to be a distraction in any way."

"Fang is my biggest motivation," was all she could respond with. The General scowled and shook her head. Light nodded to the sizable diamond wedding ring on her finger, "You forgot to remove that, sir."

Chanel relaxed her face and used her thumb to turn the ring upside-down, returning the letter to Light. She too seemed oddly compliant to change the subject, "It's quite durable, I assure you. It hasn't failed me. I know I use my fists more than anything but I can never bring myself to take it off, no matter what."

Lightning felt the train slow down with her heartbeats. "That's funny, sir," A chilling surge overtook her, and she felt ironically empowered by it, knowing whole-heartedly the source. It was the same that made her speak proudly, "because neither can I…so, please, don't try and make me."

"_Our objective is simple—search and seize any and all bioweapon manufacturers. We have Intel leading us to believe that they are all former members of PSICOM, with several bases possibly built underground. There are no remaining civilian survivors of the Purge. Destroy all bioweapons you come across. Attempt to arrest PSICOM members. If they resist, you have permission to kill. Return to camp when you can no longer go on without proper rest. With that said, I hope not to see most of you for several days."_

Lightning's squad was simple and predictable—she was with Zack, under Captain Oaks' lead. She was but one rank lower than Agrias, and two higher than Zack, so the they knew each other quite well in their work and their combat skills. They had been together on smaller missions before, and they worked well—better than most—as the three youngest officers in the Bodhum Security Regiment. Light was still the only one of the three allowed a gunblade—the other two had their respective, unique swords.

Predictable was not correct in describing the operation thus far. Several days had indeed passed, and Light was sitting with her Captain at their temporary camp while Zack kept watch nearby. Atop a precipice they were, overlooking Lake Bresha's iridescently blue and white expanse. Since the saving of Cocoon, Lake Bresha had evolved from a mere lake of arcing riptides and old Pulse armaments turned to crystal, into a snowy expanse of unpredictable inclines and hidden pitfalls.

She and Agrias were literally sitting in crystal dust as cold as snow, as fine as grains of sand. Neither woman had exchanged a word, nor had Zack spoken up—they were merely in retreat as instructed by the Lieutenant General, waiting for their next orders. Lightning had her Ultima Weapon on her lap, gripping the handle impatiently every so often while they continued to wait and wait. She had tried to insist on keeping watch, mostly to keep herself busy, but the Captain had swiftly told her no.

What felt like hours ago, the three had been demolishing their way through several large, aquatic bioweapons in what felt like fruitless search for at least one underground base. The reason for the estimated length of the operation was due to the elusiveness of the manufacturers themselves. They had not come across not one PSICOM soldier. Lightning was growing tired of fighting deformed fish.

_Y'know, it's nice when all you need to do is fight, and win. Nothin' else to worry about. It's simple! _

Zack groaned loudly in irritation not too far from her. She looked up at him in his black body suit, watching him rub his bare muscular arms rapidly for warmth. Their breaths were coming out in vapor. He jumped up and down a little, his dark work boots causing grains of dust to float about. The huge sword on his back nearly pierced the ground he walked on while he approached, giving a salute.

"Something wrong?" Lightning asked, about to stand but the Captain placed a gloved hand on her bare shoulder. She regarded Agrias through her falls of blonde over her deep-set eyes while she stared straight ahead as though concentrating on something. "Or should I be asking you the same, Captain?"

_Oh don't even start! Y'can't ignore me! Ignorin' what you need—who does that? Don't try and turn me into all the days you choose to ignore…you made me seem so much better than that._

Her no-nonsense tone was straightforward, "You should worry about yourself, Lieutenant. It's quite easy to tell when you're trying to avoid your thoughts. They show in your face instead." Light blanched, unable to say anything in response. She merely nodded to the woman in her elegant blue and white uniform. "Officer Fair, I implore you—if you cannot stand guard then I will have to take your place. I won't forgive you if the enemy ambushes us while you're trying to keep warm."

"But Captain," sighed Zack, tapping his finger over the teal stripes of his shoulder plate, "it's so cold here that my lights've been flickering on and off! I'm not saying I can't stand guard, that's not it!"

"Then what are you _saying, _Officer?" The luminous royal blue lines of her own plate went off and on momentarily. The blue of Lightning's followed suit. Oaks noticed the activity. "You're saying it's cold. I understand this. But the Lieutenant General has asked us to remain at this exact location. All we have to do is wait for the call, and we'll move out."

"My wireless hasn't been working," he went on, frowning sadly. Lightning's had been devoid of a signal since she'd stepped on the train. "You sure yours is? What if she called us but couldn't get through?"

_It's like I can't even get through to you sometimes! Yeah, yeah you can try and keep me lyin' in the reeds all you want. Don't let me stop you. 'S all right, Lightning…even if it's all wrong. But am I wrong for bein' with a stoic? No. _You're _the one who needs to get your act together, not me!_

Agrias pursed her lips, reaching in her pocket to retrieve her Guardian Corps wireless. Lightning had turned her head away, looking over at the Lake in all it's dreariness. There were small ambushes of Corps officers against bioweapons here and there, others excavating; all of it seemingly never-ending.

There was no source of light but for the brightness of the dust itself, casting a somber shadow about their forms while the Captain phoned in to her superior Colonel Tingel easily enough. They exchanged brief conversation about the state of Zack's wireless and the squad's still-paused operations before hanging up.

"So I guess I'm just outta luck, huh?" lamented Zack. Lightning scoffed quietly to herself, not looking at him. The Captain shook her head, making no comment. "Alright…guess I'll head back over there…"

After another salute he was off again, looking like a distressed puppy. Lightning was still looking away when Agrias chuckled and spoke to her above the biting breeze, "You know, we've been on many missions before, but never have I gotten the impression that you hate being where you are."

Lightning spoke curtly, "I don't like the uncertainty, Captain. This is ridiculous. No one even knows where they are." She watched a few bright specks of dust flitter by her line of sight before focusing out to a large explosion in the distance. Smoke billowed the air quickly by the second, and she could hear faint sounds of cheering. "Then again, maybe not."

"Let the other squadrons do as they're assigned. We don't know what's in those bases or exactly how many there are."

"And how will we find out?"

"Let them do as they're assigned." Agrias almost sounded pompous in her reiteration. Light continued to observe the Lake, watching several more explosions go off intermittently. "There are motion sensors everywhere out there, Lieutenant. They're able to sense movement deeper and deeper underground by the day, and the information is relayed back to camp instantaneously. All we can do is wait and respond accordingly." A thick moment went by, unsettling her slightly. "You feel as though you're wasting your time, don't you? You didn't leave home on good terms, I take it. Are you sure you want to be here?"

Lightning turned and faced her Captain, wearing a look that asked why everyone thought it best to question her intentions and desires for being present on the battlefield. Her patience and her insides were being as damaged as the landscape all around them. She soon looked away and out to another small battle, noticing another spear specialist, fighting as though she was having the time of her life. It was in the way she moved.

The squadron remained in silence, not speaking unless absolutely necessary.

_Made me change my plans, walking a different space. Loving you is all I seem to think about. Would you let me go if I turned around and walked the other way? Or would you haunt my heart for the rest of my life? Is it healthy to be so caught up in you? So much to the point where I can't __**focus**__ on anything else?_

_Breathe…keep breathin'. Don't lose your nerve, Light… Breathe…I _can't_ do this on my own, no matter how strong you say I am. _

If she breathed too loudly, they would hear her. If she stepped too boldly, they would see her. If she thought too hardly, they would give her something painful to think about. A base, a manufacturing building that had once roared with its creations and psychotic creators. Arresting former PSICOM soldiers proved to be impossible after several more weeks of attempts. Killing had been necessary—they all put up too much of a fight to stay still, to be taken all the way back to camp. Their weapons had defended them, and died with them.

Lightning had lost track long ago of how many frozen-looking men she had killed. She was hardened to it, immune to its aftereffects. She cared not about how many more she needed to kill so that she could go home. She needed to go back home. Needed to kill more, needed to clear the underground base entirely. She needed to go back home. She _had _to.

_I want to see your smile again, like diamonds in the dust. The day the sound of the killing hordes comforts me more than your warmth is the day the sky collapses on us. I'm not crazy. Not yet._

Her squad were to secure the building and ascertain that it had been cleared completely. Pulsian armaments made up the walls and halls and support of the freezing metallic base underground. They were shallow, but wide, long, dark labyrinths with rooms upon rooms that had once housed people and monsters alike. The holes in the walls were few, but they were large, evidence of impatient bazookas having been fired about the building.

Crystal dust coated the floors, but that still didn't stop Lightning from needing to step carefully. The dank halls echoed every movement, even that of her hair whenever it moved over her shoulder. Such stillness kept her hyperaware of the possibility of a trap.

_Looks like a great place for enemy ambushes! …what? What d'you mean why do I sound _excited _about it? Gran Pulse is my home! Can't I appreciate the place for what it's worth? You're no fun, Lightning…_

The Captain stopped in front of Lightning while they walked closely about the walls. She had her wireless out in a second and flipped it open, listening to whomever was on the other line, not saying a word. Light glanced through her eyelashes at Zack holding up the rear behind her; he was preoccupied with looking around in cautious concentration.

"There's no one here," Agrias said suddenly, closing her wireless. Zack snapped his gaze to her while Light was much more leisurely in regarding their leader. Yet another waste of time? "General Delacour's regiment is leaving the area but she's still here. There's just one problem."

"What?" Zack piped up eagerly, "What problem, Captain? You said there's no one here."

"I'm aware of what I said," she snapped back, "but she found the source of the problem. There seems to be an underground tunnel nearby. We have reason to believe that that's how those soldiers made it to Bodhum."

We have reason to believe. We have reason. _Reason_? What the hell was reason anymore? Lightning gripped the handle of her gunblade, relaxed her grip; tightened it and relaxed it again over and over while she kept listening and fuming quietly.

_You sure you didn't have patience for nothin' before me? It's like we hate everyone now…or, more like we never want to be around no one else. That a bad thing? They just don't understand…they can't. _

"Ohh I see…" His vapid tone made a vein twitch somewhere near Lightning's aching temples, "but how's that the source?"

"The tunnel is made of crystal, and it's freezing, but completely dry. Like dry ice. Their weapons were able to smell precipitation all the way on the other ends. One end leads to Bodhum, one to the Sunleth Waterscape. No human could have carved them. It must have been the bioweapons that did the work."

"So all we had to do was close that and be off?"

"It looks like it, yes—"

Lightning had enough of this, "So you mean to tell us that all we needed to do was find this base, shut it down, and close off this tunnel? Are you serious, Captain?"

"Lieutenant Farron," Agrias warned, clearly noticing Light's patience had snapped, "mind your tone with me. And to answer your question, _yes, _that's _all we needed to do. _But you fail to see that everything we've done led us to this point. It's fruitless to try and close it off now. The mission is complete."

"No it isn't," Lightning bit back, unmindful of the Captain's superior rank in her annoyance, "if that's what caused everything, why not finish things and close it off?"

"Because that's what the Lieutenant General ordered! The mission is _complete_, aren't you satisfied now?" Agrias too had lost her patience and began going back from whence they came, "I don't care how long we've known each other, _Lightning_—you don't talk back to a superior that way, nor do you question the General's orders!" She gestured impatiently to Zack's meek form, "Let's go, Zack. Let her do what she wants. I'm not her leader anymore; I have no obligation to stay here and listen to this."

Lightning glowered, looking down at her boots while Zack hesitatingly followed after Agrias. The moment they turned around the bend she felt completely isolated, alone. She was miles away from any sort of comfort. It was cold and dark and dank and she was tired of being led into rabbit holes.

Since her promotion, whenever she had been on smaller missions she had always been in charge of her own squad. She worked closer to the General, allowed to give her own input. Now that the chains of command had been all mixed up to allow other people a chance, they ended up taking far too long than necessary with their operation—two months was completely asinine.

It was also asinine that she had grown to enjoy killing so much during her time there. It had beaten the endless sitting around, waiting for orders, and listening to Zack's whining both passive-aggressive or otherwise. It had been better than trying to stop apologizing to Fang in her mind, trying to stop picturing scenarios where she would return home and inevitably be on the receiving end of her girlfriend's rage.

Perhaps it was idiocy that led her feet deeper into the base in search of that tunnel. She would close it off whether she was ordered to or not. The mission was over. No one was her leader anymore except for the Lieutenant General. And even still, it was the unmistakable sounds of the General's footsteps and grunting while she ran through the underground ravine that lead her to where she needed to be.

_It's like I'm wastin' my time when I'm not with you…it's a damn shame. The hell's wrong with me…?_

Two months of wasted time, when she knew well enough that if she had been of a higher rank and had more authority, things would have gone much more smoothly and swiftly. If she had been in charge, she would have done so much more to be able to go back home much, _much_ sooner. It shouldn't have been this way, she shouldn't have had to lie to Fang. She thought there would have been more to do, but from her brief conversations with other squad members, she had learned that her team had been on the low end of assignments.

Was it her fault? Fang's fault for not getting out of her head, no matter how hard she tried to rid her? Was it still only her fault for being unable to hide her distracting emotions? She had no idea.

A last ditch effort at repentance, to make sure she could go home proud was what kept her running after Chanel as discreetly as possible. She could already see the wide icy opening of the alleged tunnel along a rocky wall. If she could help close it off, then maybe her superior would forgive her.

Just as they reached the large aperture, the length of which was tinted blue, the General assumed a readying stance and inhaled deeply. There was an eerie conglomeration of steam coming from the span of the opening that steadily curled upwards. Lightning had stopped some paces behind her, and she was nearly startled when Delacour stopped and turned unexpectedly, looking at her in shock.

Her voice echoed dangerously about the chasm deep in the ground, "Lieutenant Farron! Just what do you think you're doing here? You were supposed to return to camp with the others!"

There was no turning back now. Light's tone made her mindset quite clear, "The mission isn't entirely complete, sir. There's still the matter of this tunnel. I'm here to help you."

"Help me? I gave no order for _anyone _to help me!" She paused for a bit, looking vexed. It wasn't long before she understood that no matter what she said, Lightning was not going anywhere until this was taken care of. "You're serious, aren't you? Then again, when are you not? How stupid of me to ask."

Lightning got straight to the point, "So how will we do this, General?"

"Simple." She reached in her trench coat and procured several grenades. A few were tossed to Lightning and she retrieved more still. "We'll throw a few up there and bolt out of here. My squadron is still waiting above so we can demolish this entire base. I'd rather take precautions with this first, to be sure."

_We're gonna go dancin' together one of these nights, Lightning. We'll start simple at first. You'll see._

After the real conclusion of the mission, Lightning walked with the Lieutenant General through the crystal dust back to the train tracks. Chanel's sizable team was walking a ways behind them while they spoke, Light having just inquired further of the tunnel they had just destroyed.

"Well, common sense tells me the opening in Bodhum is in that rainforest. The other is of course in the Waterscape. It takes the train an hour to go all the way through the Hanging Edge and back to the city. It takes an hour to _fly _to the Sunleth Waterscape. So we have to make a trip once this is over."

She narrowed her eyes momentarily, watching Lightning carefully. Light was unfazed by the scrutiny. "I'll take an airship to the Sunleth Waterscape and find the opening there. I want you to take care of the one in Bodhum, but you can only do so on three conditions."

"Anything, sir," Lightning replied willingly.

She smirked, "First…tell me why you helped me. And please, spare me the same answer as before."

Again, Lightning couldn't lie, "I'm disappointed with the operation, how it went. You gave us the impression that there would be much more to do. Killing mediocre bioweapons and PSICOM grunts was all my squadron did. All of the excavation explosions were automated. From what I've heard, my team sat around and did nothing compared to others. So I want a chance to redeem myself."

Chanel laughed shortly, "Are you only saying that because I wasn't in charge of everything?"

"I didn't know you weren't, sir."

"You've got some nerve then, Farron," she grinned widely. Light gave a sheepish chuckle. "My superior was calling the shots—I was just the messenger. But it as my decision to place you under Captain Oaks. I knew you'd be unchallenged during this operation; hell, even I was. You can be as pissed and bored as you'd like if you're only taking orders. Maybe you should've gone home when you had the chance."

"Maybe," she mused, "but I think I needed this. This won't be the first time I'll be away from home for this long. I realize I was being childish about a lot of things…"

Delacour lowered her head for a moment, not quite nodding in agreement, but it wasn't a gesture of disagreement either. Lightning noticed her turn her ring right-side up, "Second condition: you swear never to act without an order again. You know better, Farron." She nodded acquiescently; that was easy enough. "Third: the minute we're back in Bodhum, you're on extended leave for talking back to your squadron leader and questioning authority. Even though you were right."

Lightning wasn't even going to bother asking for how long. She wasn't exactly proud, or glad for the time off. This just hadn't been her mission. Not all of them could go perfectly, after all… She was unable to ruminate much; the General clapped her back amiably, "Consider this your promotion. I appreciate you telling me the truth. Congratulations, Captain Farron. Make _sure_ you tell Captain Oaks of the news."

She might have smiled; she didn't know. Light was sure she thanked her superior, told her a few more words to a thankful effect, but there was still another terrible problem: she hadn't spoken to Fang in nearly two months. It was New Year's Eve. Of course she'd written to her every chance she had; several times, in fact. Each one was some shape of an apology for lying, some kind of an explanation for what she did; excuses about her wireless having no signal. Did she ever receive any letters in return?

No.

The Captain couldn't remember ever seeing a train and feeling so nauseously nervous; she had no one to blame but herself. Boarding the Purge train couldn't even compare to what she felt now.


	13. talk show host

_**xiii. **__talk show host_

_You want me, Lightning? Fuckin' well, come and find me. I'll be waitin' with a gun and my games and the nothin' you gave me. You want me? Well come on and break the door down. Fuckin' come on and break. The. Door. Down. Get on your knees and give it to me._

_I'm ready. And you'd damn well be ready too, or I'll never forgive you._

Only one hour remained until the clocks struck midnight, signaling the new year. The weather was breezy, but otherwise clear, and many of Bodhum's citizens were out and about celebrating the occasion. After finishing the mission and reporting to headquarters, Light had been running errands that ended up taking all day and night. She blamed her indecision when it came to certain things.

Upon arriving at the command center, the Lieutenant General had lauded her, presenting Lightning with her new shoulder plates and merits for her formal uniforms. Royal blue now lined her two sharper plates, with small thorns curving up on top—the shape and second piece of armor were her emblems for moving up the ranks with impressive speed for one so young. A substantial bonus check for her new promotion had also been presented to her; quite the convenient parting gift before her extended leave.

Lightning had already put her newly acquired funds to good use some hours ago. She knew she would need it. She had checked three times, and Fang and Vanille weren't home. They couldn't have been hunting, because Guardian Corps had fenced off all of the territory where they had enjoyed their pastime. She had checked her sister's house and no one was there either. No cars had been present outside either abode. Light had already been home to change clothes, and of course no one was there. Her only remaining choice of locales was not to her liking. Not at all.

Yet Light still continued on into the dark, raucously partying café that smelled heavily of alcohol and tasteless drunks. She didn't have any other choice—she needed to find Fang before the new year arrived, or else she'd never forgive herself.

It was all so very surreal to be doing this. To be walking around all the people randomly coming up to her and attempting to compliment her on her looks. She was in her black formal uniform—a winter counterpart to her white one, pants and silky royal blue dress shirt and all. A bouquet of everlasting blue roses was being held close to her chest, and in her pocket she had another smaller gift. She didn't feel awkward, doing this. She wasn't over-doing anything either.

Lightning was nervous as hell, but it felt _so_ right to do this for Fang. She wanted to impress her, flatter her; make her feel better. _If_ she could find her…

She was suddenly pulled in by some strange force that consisted of arms, delighted sobbing, and pink hair. Serah…so that meant Fang likely _was _here. Soon Snow had even embraced her, and she stood there sandwiched between her sister and brother-in-law, not comprehending what they were slurring. They were drawing a crowd, and even Vanille had nearly pounced her, but she didn't care about them right now. From the way she was scowling and not saying a word, busy looking around, it was obvious. They were all too buzzed to notice.

In their tipsiness, it was easy enough for her to move past them and in the direction of elegant blue silk sitting alone at the bar.

She approached her, steadily, trying to tell herself that this was real. Her eyes couldn't move from Fang's upright form, couldn't even blink. If an explosion happened to go off somewhere behind them, it would not have stopped her nerve-filled legs from moving so effortlessly towards her.

An explosion did go off, inside of her, silently and sensually the moment she was right behind her. Fang was having a cocktail, holding onto it, looking down at it. It was a moment before even Lightning realized she was breathing directly in Fang's warm ear. And Fang did not even move, likely having memorized the sound of such inhalations so close to her.

She was wearing that perfume. It spoke volumes, and she braved wrapping an arm about her waist. The shapely muscles there tightened and shuddered before relaxing again, as did the rest of her body while Light pressed up against her, holding her close. The closeness was intoxicating, but she wasn't through yet.

Lightning went ahead and eased the roses in between the bar and Fang's arms, relieved that they were taken from her hand with the same ease, "These are for you," she spoke softly before kissing her warming ear, vaguely feeling her hand drifting up along warm skin underneath cool silk. "I missed you, Fang… Mmm," A delighted groan left her while her other arm held her, fingers dancing along a black halter top. That ribcage was shuddering slightly to control itself now.. "I missed you _so _much."

She received no spoken responses, but her body told Lightning all she needed to hear: _Yeah I missed you too damnit, but I ain't showin' it!_

Light continued to speak, her words floating down perspiring olive skin, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not letting you go no matter what you don't say." She began sweating a little herself, not from the absurd temperature of the room, but from the constant gathering of moisture of the two braids against her face. Her hands were still roaming, so soothingly, not caring about anyone or anything else, "You're making me sweat, you know…making me so nervous… Let me make everything up to you… _Please._"

Slowly Fang tilted her head in Light's direction, turning her head to give a fierce glare that glittered green in all of her pent-up lust. Lightning felt a bit of friction and let go of her, allowing Fang to turn completely in her seat, roses held close to her body. That look, that challenging posture, that control… It all made her want to look at Fang completely, challenge her posture so resplendently…

And if she didn't know better, there was something about this woman that was daring Lightning to take control of her in her passive-aggressive rage. There was another something that said clearly that the control had already been taken, from the way she was unable to show anything, do anything. Powerless to resist. She had no idea why, but Lightning _liked _it.

She placed her hands on the bar at either side of her, leaned in quickly, but stopped with her head tilted, with access to luscious lips. They were coated with alcohol. She wondered if Fang was tipsy at all, still kissing her blissfully anyway, not quite comprehending that she was not being kissed back.

It was a long, fuzzy while before she realized that all activity in the café had stopped. Everyone was looking at them. Fang was furious. Vanille had approached them and Light backed off warily, watching Fang hand her roses to her confused sister who was swaying ever-so slightly.

"You. Me. Outside," was all Fang said before she took Lightning by the arm. She roughly led her out of the sweltering building and onto the breezy boardwalk of the beach. Fortunately, no one followed them.

Soon the pair was standing not too far apart on the moonlit promenade, facing each other. Fang had her arms folded, standing imposingly while Light watched her passively. "Nice of you to show your face. After how long? Can you tell me what you saw just now? In my eyes, in _my _face?"

The words just came tumbling out, "You want me."

"The _hell_ I do—"

"Yes, you do—"

"And do you know _why, _fancy-lookin' Farron? _Do_ you?" Lightning chose not to respond, only serving to incense her further. Might as well get her to explode sooner rather than later… "I want you because I can't fuckin' stand you most of the time!

"You lied to me, you kept me chained to you with all those damn letters you KNOW I can't resist, and now you're back! Feelin' all over me, sayin' things in my ear that make me wanna jump you on the spot no matter _who's _around! You've got a lot of nerve!"

It was strange. Moments ago when she had had complete control over Fang, everything had gone smoothly. She knew what she was doing, she knew what she wanted. Now that Fang was trying to cover all of that up, cover everything up with her bravado while she kept shouting, it was a complete turn-off.

But wasn't she supposed to be taking everything Fang had to say and nodding her head, staying on her knees? The gift she had in her pocket burned with her frustrations. Her entire body was burning, especially her face that Fang was currently yelling in, calling her several names. A closer inspection of her warm breath proved that she wasn't even tipsy at all. This was ridiculous.

Lightning's hands forcefully clamped around Fang's wrists that had been at her sides, keeping her arrested while she scowled at the shock in her face. "Are you finished yet? You're mad at me—I _get_ it. I'm here to take care of that, to take care of _you_. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stand here and let you call me out my name over _one_ lie. It _could've_ been a lot worse."

She quickly let go of her wrists, taking a few steps back and folding her arms. "You looked so sad about me leaving. No one's ever been sad like that over me. Not even Serah. I lied out of sympathy, not out of spite! I still felt so bad about it that I did something stupid and got suspended from work for weeks, even though I did get promoted to Captain. So don't you _dare_ try and turn me into the bad guy…"

Light reached in her pocket and procured a small blue box, watching the sprockets in Fang's mind turn and turn. She kept talking when Fang actually relaxed her face, "I still want to give you this, to say sorry."

She threw away all her pride while she opened the box for Fang to see the blue diamond promise ring glinting in the moonlight. The look on her face likely cost as much as she paid for the gift. "I don't care how mad you ever get at me…" She removed the ring from its box, placing it over the ring finger of Fang's limp right hand, "I'll still love you. I'm sorry I took this long to tell you. I'm sorry I lied to you. If I ever make a mistake again, I'll be as sorry as I am now. You deserve nothing less..."

Her face burned with embarrassment when Fang wouldn't even respond—she kept staring in quiet shock. She wanted to leave. Leave Fang standing there. Go home, put her uniform in the very back of her closet and finally sleep in a warm bed.

Instead she sighed those thoughts away, closing the distance between them and holding her tight instead. She _couldn't_ just leave her. Not again. Especially not after what she just did. Fang felt weightless in her arms for a moment, taking her time in returning the embrace, steadily giving as much as she was receiving. It was comforting, but Light couldn't help but feel something was off.

"Thank you, Light… I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. I overreacted." Lightning chose not to comment, only held her a little tighter. "Then again, I just wanted to see what you'd do… You passed my little test with a perfect score! I ain't really all that mad at you." _Really_? She couldn't tell. "But _you_ obviously haven't listened to my messages!"

Light pulled away, regarding her grinning face probingly. She went on simply, "I left you tons of voicemails since I knew you wouldn't have the time to listen to 'em. And if you did, you'd have a real show! Nice motivation to get back home to me!"

"What messages?" she pressed, already searching her pockets for her device, too distracted to notice Fang's sudden departure back inside before she was too far away. "Fang, wait!" She couldn't find her wireless and her girlfriend was not stopping, admiring her ring as she sauntered off. "Hold on!"

"Listen to one and come find me, handsome!" she shouted over her shoulder. A snide laugh was in her voice while she continued inside the café, "I bet _one_ is all it'll take before you're scramblin' after me!"

Shortly after she was gone, Lightning of course remembered she had left her wireless in her car parked around the corner. She had a strong feeling that this was some sort of trap, but she was bolting to the parking lot regardless amidst the stares of several people, most of whom were already drunk.

This was Fang's way of showing her how happy she was to see her again, because she was reasonably still a little angry with her. This was her way of telling Lightning she loved her too, especially after two months of being apart.

She wanted some fun payback. Light got the point crystal clear.

Never before in her life had her face streaming with tears ever been so red, her thighs so soaked, possibly even through her pants. She feared for the state of her leather seat while she sat stunned in her car, listening to Fang's soft, vixenish tone through her wireless…

"_So tell me, Lightning…have you ever thought of what it'd be like to be a man? 'Cause, see, before you…I'd only ever liked men before. Never acted on it, since I knew if any of 'em really wanted me, they'd come after me. All of 'em were too intimidated. But you…? Oh, you went after me alright…_

"_I was lookin' online today and found somethin' rather curious… I must ask you, babe: d'you know what a strap-on is? Did you know that if you were to wear one, you could essentially get me pregnant? That if you used it on me just right, you'd never again have a care in the world? _

"_Mmm…! You hear this…? D'you hear me…? How I can't…I can't breathe steady no more…? I keep dreamin' about it… keep thinkin' about it…about us, about you… It's all I can do…_not _to touch m'self…but every day…I feel like…I'm losin'. Ohh I know…from—nnh!—these sounds I'm makin'…seems like…I've lost it. I haven't… I just like…picturin' you…gettin' back here…and you want me so bad that you break my door down to get to me. There's an idea for you…_

"_I want…you…right this moment. I shouldn't even need to confirm it…but I already bought one…to use when you get back. Nnh, just _thinkin' _about you wieldin' me while you wear one… I tell ya, I can be…a nasty thing when I'm in the mood… Sometimes I even think about usin' it on you… Mm, to show you…how I want it… Show you how I need it…"_

As _soon_ as the message was over, her wireless rang, actually managing to startle her. She was staring out her windshield blankly, not quite seeing what was in front of her; vaguely registering that she had picked up the call.

The sheer noise that assaulted her ear couldn't even snap her out of it. Not even Vanille's cheerful, slightly slurring shouting did much for the muddle that was once her mind, _"Lightning! Guess what? We're all heading to Snow and Serah's to continue the party! Fang's driving us all there and I'm right next to her! Come join us, it'll be fun!"_

Lightning seriously doubted her ability to drive at the moment, but hastily started her car anyway. There was only twenty minutes until midnight, and she _needed_ to make _sure_ she was with Fang by the time tomorrow arrived. Talking on one's wireless while driving was a serious offense, but she was suspended from work and thus was not at all inclined to care for the law. At least not in this situation. They must have been in Snow's large truck with a full house from all the chatter she heard.

Then she heard Fang's sober, jovial shouting in the near background, _"Hey squirt! Tell her I said I was gonna take you lot to her place, but the ring changed my mind! Can't be that terrible, not after she goes and gives me somethin' like that!" _And then Vanille went on, a giggle in her loud voice, _"Fang said—"_

"I _heard _her, Vanille!" Light raised her voice to be heard over the truck-full of people. She was of course very glad for Fang's kindness… "Tell her she's crazy! Absolutely insane! All of you are, I swear!"

"_I'll murder, Vanille… Your girlfriend is absolutely crazy and insane for you…and she swears she'll…she'll tell this all over you the next time she sees you!"_

"That's NOT what I said!" barked Lightning while she sped through an orange light, hearing Fang's uproarious laughter. She soon calmed down, for the sound was absolutely beautiful to her.

"_Oh! I meant to leave the wire d-out the window…oops!" _Lightning sighed. If Vanille was this bad while she was only tipsy…_ "But you really should! I like she'd like it!" _Fang's voice went on, _"Yeah she damn well should! I've been starvin' without her around! Now that she's back, we play by my rules!" _Vanille giggled again and continued harmlessly, _"How awful…that sounds like fun! Heeeyyy, Fang said—!"_

"Vanille…" Clearly the two sisters had made up during her absence. She was ecstatic to find that all was well again… "Can you _please _tell her I'm on my way? I'm speeding, she should be happy!"

"_Lightning says…she's on her way…and you should be _really_ happy because she's on speed—"_

Light irately hung up on the sound of Vanille's garbling and Fang's rib-splitting laughter. She began to worry about the possibility of Fang being involved in a traffic accident from how hard she had been laughing. Though the night's events thus far had been completely unexpected, deep down, she appreciated everything. It was certainly better than Fang giving her the silent treatment or, worse, _leaving_ her like she'd half expected during the train ride home.

Much to her surprise, Fang called her this time. Lightning looked at her wireless warily before picking up, only a few blocks away from her sister's place, _"Hey-hey! I see your car! So you _weren't_ lying! 'Cause you know, I can never know with you!"_

She winced at the noise, shaking her head at the sound of a woman's tasteless drunken cackling in the background, "Touchée, Fang. Aren't you driving? You're not supposed to be talking on your wireless."

"_Neither are you! Let's just forget about all that, yeah? Party the night away when we get there!"_

Lightning really wasn't up for partying. Not after that _message_, "You're really not all that mad at me?"

"_Oh I'm mad all right! Totally! Hundred percent pissed at you!" _Then why did she sound so happy…?_ "Once I've had some Courvoisier I'm takin' everything out on you! Count on it!"_

"Oh really? From your message you made it sound like you wanted me to take things out on _you_."

"_Not without proper instruction you won't! 'Sides, bein' pissed the usual way durin' New Year's on Cocoon ain't nothin' to be bothered with! I found that out once you showed up!" _Snow's truck erupted in cheers and Fang was all too quick to wrap up the conversation, _"I'll see you inside! I wanna be on your arm, have drinks, mingle, dance on you once the music starts; show you what it's like to party! No excuses!"_

Fang hung up before Light could protest. Shortly after, she saw the house, and an illegal amount of people began exiting Snow's truck and into his home. She sighed, letting out a small chuckle—it _was _New Year's Eve…tonight was the night everyone was supposed to be allowed a little leverage…


	14. love me tender

_If you're feeling iffy about the whole strap-on business, this is my response to a review:_

'_Oh I know what you mean about the anime girls [wearing strap-ons]. I saw some [hentai. Sue me] just to get an idea of how the Japanese do it and I was totally grossed out by it. [What the HELL is up with their obsession with raping innocent girls with huge tits?]. Don't worry, I won't mess this up. I'm not including a strap on for the sake of kinkiness either, it does add to the story. You'll see :) Thanks for being honest.'_

_I seriously wrote this to Lightning's Theme. The classical one, on YouTube. More violins…sexy. Here's a pretty personal chapter for you…_

_**xiv. **__love me tender_

"_Don't hold back with me. For anything. I told you last weekend to submerge into me. You can't do that if you leave parts of yourself behind. I can't take you completely if you won't give all of yourself to me."_

In a continuum of pauses, the cheerful sounds of counting from ten down from the big screen television and the full house of drunks went right through her. Lightning found that she wanted to be anywhere but here; _anywhere. _Here was in the living room of her sister's home, wearing her black uniform, wearing the warm front of Fang's body against her. There was an arm draped about her shoulder while another lazy arm supported the hand carrying a thick glass of cognac. Of course her own arms were wrapped about that wantonly waiting waist. It was impatient, begging, demanding in its proximity.

She was wearing it. _Fang _was harnessed with her want, purchased or otherwise. It stayed against Light, attempting to invade the barrier of her pants. Uncomfortable couldn't begin to describe her sentiments. If blood could curdle underneath one's skin, she was sure hers had turned sour along with her attitude. Yet she did not show it. Out of some…misplaced _remorse_ she felt, she lost her usual no-nonsense attitude that night in Fang's glassy eyes and was not obliged to go looking for it.

There was a still moment, where everything slowed down as the count reached seven. She wanted to look around, to see all the people who didn't have anyone like Fang. Her Fang. Lightning wore nonchalance while she looked right through that green glass separated by the brim of a perfect nose beaded with sweat. Portentousness hailed from her, for having a woman so, so pretty. And so _petty. _By Etro if she knew it better than anyone, better than Vanille, deep-down, Fang was petty. She too was green when it came to her emotions. It took no longer than spending a few minutes in Fang's oddly outgoing presence to figure out that she was afraid. Afraid of the way Lightning made her feel.

Five, they were saying—five. Officially, the amount of months they had been dating. About six months was how long Fang had kept her fears from her. Surely she thought that, perchance, if she ignored them they would simply float away and disintegrate into nothing. Nothing… Nothing ever turns into nothing. There was never any empty space, anywhere.

Lightning's head certainly wasn't empty. She was not some vapid idiot for a woman. Three, yes, three, what an interesting number. Perhaps the amount of eyes Fang thought her girlfriend to have.

If she was an idiot then that would make impulsive, impatient Fang the master of hiding her emotions. The master was her, _Lightning_. Fang had a lot to learn.

There was a warning in her nonchalance. A warning to not try and take her for a fool. Fang clearly didn't see it, for she kissed her during the eruption of the new year. The voices and cheering and fireworks and gunshots were but poor renditions of the way Light still felt on the inside with those feverish lips on hers. Oh if there were euphemisms in the form of actions, she was doing one in returning the fervor. An action so often misunderstood as amorous was in fact quite full of admonition. She couldn't stop because she didn't trust herself to not demand that Fang spill everything already. Fang was _trying_ not to tremble in her arms for Etro's sake!

Irony was inclination for Light to allow herself to be pulled upstairs for much needed privacy. She appreciated a good trick, a clever ruse. Instinct told her to go along with it. Just do it. It was better than pretending as though she was enjoying the festivities.

She didn't feel as though she belonged there, or anywhere. The grip Fang's hand had on hers was making a suggestion as she hurried them both upstairs to her room. She could be elsewhere. She _would _be elsewhere. She was going there no matter what she said or did.

What a happy fucking new year this was turning out to be.

What the hell was sobriety anymore? Light didn't know. Chastity, dignity, such dainty terms. Honor, pride, such flippant things all of a sudden. It had all been stripped from her, along with her uniform, so impatiently so harshly. Such need in those hands that had tried to keep steady while Lightning lay on her bed, in her room, in her sister's home. She was upon her back in nothing but a black bra, straddled. So quickly? No, no, to her it had all been so slow, so slow…so…slow… The slowness was so blinding in the moonlit darkness that she hardly noticed when Fang had gone from clothed to completely bare.

There was a time when she had planned how her first time with Fang would be. She had always told herself it would be special; that _she _would make everything special. _She _would be the one to take her, ease her, please her in any way she wanted with everything she had. Lightning never wanted to be on the bottom. She never wanted to have been so helpless to stop anything from happening. The helplessness lay in the smooth burning she felt along the small of her back at that very moment.

Bestridden she was, along her bare waist, just looking at it. _Looking, _watching, making sure it wouldn't pounce and take her. Away from this moment.

The party was still going strong downstairs. The music was playing loudly, bass thronging high, making it clear that they were alone but not _alone. _There were people in the house. Anyone could have come in at any minute, for Fang hadn't allowed the door to be locked. Lightning had tried to lock it, but her hand had been snatched away and forced to feel that bulge beneath her sari. The one no one seemed to notice before. The one that, in all honesty, Light was not ready for at all.

Fang was blocking the moon behind her. Lightning felt every unremarkable force in her room gather into a vortex between her when her wrist was held gently, guided, making her hand hover over it. _It?_ Why couldn't she accept another term for it? And there she went again—there went Fang's arousal showing itself again, in the hardness. How hard it was, that Lightning couldn't even muster the energy to keep her hand held in Fang's. She couldn't even look her in the eye right now.

And Fang _liked _it. Her tone was oh so demeaning in her banter, "I bet you're wonderin' how we got this far so soon." Not exactly, no…she knew she had blanked out during several scenes of her internal tragedy. She couldn't exactly lie the fault to habit, considering her virginity. "This wasn't how you planned things to go."

Lightning kept her eyes right where they were. "_Obviously_." It somehow grew harder still, curled ever-so-slightly, almost to the point of touching her hand. Her head began swimming in the deep end, in the softness of her pillow underneath. "You get a kick out of my attitude?" She saw her affirmative answer. "You're sick."

"I know… but I like what I like. You're here to learn exactly what that is." Fang let go of her hand, as though expecting Light's to simply take hold of the length. It was big, but not some huge monstrous thing. Definitely not something Lightning wanted to touch. She retracted her hand. Her disobedience only made Fang give a sinister smirk, "What's the matter? You don't like it? I bought it just for you."

"I think you bought it more for yourself than for me right now." Lightning gave her a cold look, finally. The only thing she liked about _it _was how it showed her under no uncertain terms Fang's enjoyment. It helped her to see what she liked. That was it… "You don't have to wear it if you only want to teach me what it is you want. I know how to follow instructions."

"But Lightning…" Fang's hands smoothed along the white sheets at either side of her, bringing her body down with her, over her, but not on her. The contact of that swell against her own along the fabric of her bra didn't quite affect her as much as it normally should have. "I want this too. I want you, like this, as you are right now. You're tryin' to keep your dignity, and that makes me want to rip it away from you…"

"Fang, wait—" Wade in and out of her throat her control did, so oddly, like the sound that came from her. It was too soft to be from her. With Fang's two fingers were there against her, inclining against her, all inclination for silence and character was null. "What are you doing…?"

She looked and sounded so pleased, "How the hell aren't you wet? Well I'll be damned! Guess I've got my work cut out for me!" Hardly. Those fingers were nervous, tentative all of a sudden. Lightning kept staring at her frigidly, aware of her position, aware of how much she _wanted_ to focus on how she was being touched. She couldn't. "You're gonna make me work to get you wet…aren't you?"

Light shrugged, giving a flippant reply while Fang moved to lay right next to her, "Whatever turns you on." She looked to her other side at the unopened condoms. A strong feeling pervaded, telling her that they would likely remain unused tonight while she turned to Fang, "You're really sick, you know that?"

Her words went unheeded, temporarily. The hand stroking Light's arm while she sat up was inviting, but not inviting enough. The other was already, slowly, at work elsewhere. Lightning kept her knees bent, legs to one side while her propped arm supported her weight. She watched, scowled, unable to keep eye contact at the moment. Instead she tried to focus on the sleek movements of Fang's entire hand. How lithe her fingers were, how sharp her nails were; how her wrist curled so sensually once she reached the head while she continued to tempt.

The act wasn't tempting at all. The movement _was_. The sounds were, _definitely_…she still sounded surprisingly feminine for one so fearless and feral. _That _was what made Lightning feel a wet brand in the shape of a small circle between her. The wet burning began to ebb down a little too hard when Fang eased Light's head down to rest on her bare shoulder, when she began to speak. The sound of her voice kept cutting her conscience, not necessarily the words…no, not the words…

Shuddering, like a camera in Lightning's mind while she memorized, was her voice, "Unngh, damn you… Look…at what…you've turned me into… _Look." _She pressed Light's head closer to her chest, kept her there. The sight was unbelievable, completely beautiful in all its soft silver angles and not-so-soft signs of simmering and the stimulating of skin, "This ain't nothin' like I thought it would be…but… I refuse to go on…without this… _Fuck _waiting…!" Faster, faster, faster her hand and her soft breaths went. Finally, faster faster faster Light's chest dented and undented. "You wanna wait…? _You're_ waiting! I…_will_…_fuck you, _Lightning_. _BOTH of you!"

Fang stopped her hand suddenly, snatching it through the air to latch onto Light's hips. A rising sensation lifted her on the inside, starting right at her center; Fang finished the job by picking her up. She stood up with her at an alarming speed, spinning around and stumbling forward to slam Lightning's back against the cold wood of her door. Light had clamped her long legs about Fang's waist and crossed her ankles, wrapped her lean arms around Fang's neck in her surprise. Aroused surprise.

Sharp nails and heated fingertips and perspiring palms held the underside of her thighs, and she felt the wetness seeping down there. She felt the hardness beneath her, as though she was sitting on it and but to get off of it. She was looking down at Fang's glistening, heaving chest, at all there was to see below there. She was overwhelmed by the smell of her closeness, of how splendid she looked, wearing her. Her muscles were visibly _aching_ with a need Lightning never thought she could ever instill in anyone.

No, she didn't want this—what they were about to do—but she wanted Fang. _We play by my rules now. _Her _rules_ put Lightning in a delicate situation. She understood now how terrifying it was. How disarming it was, to be there, in the needy clutches of the one she loved. Again, this was Fang's way of showing her the power of powerlessness.

_I'll be whatever you want me to be._

And if this was what Fang wanted…

Was _this_ compromise? Love? _This_—this tender, epicene surge she felt in her veins all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes and eyelashes—was _this_…what Fang was so afraid to feel?

If it was…Light was in no place to demand that they return their original scripts to one another. She had to be the stronger one, afterall…

"Yes, Lightning…" came Fang's growl; she scowled hard to challenge Lightning's piercing regard. And Light would be damned if she closed her eyes even to _blink_—the amour Fang was emanating was _so_… "I _am _sick…I'm sick, for you… I'm gonna make you feel the _exact _way _I've_ been feelin' since you left!"

No warning except for moving one of her hands down between them. None except for quickly adjusting her hips, her length. _Nothing _could have prepared her for that shockingly sudden, quick and thick invasion that ripped her and tipped her head back to rake her door. The loudest, most guttural scream scratched her throat until it bled on its way out, and Fang did not stop; only rammed her hips back and forth in ways that shouted how much she needed this control, needed this chance to finally _know _her.

Lightning gripped intrepidly at the black locks in her reach, quickly moving one arm to at least hold Fang properly around her tensing back. Eye contact was kept; Fang too kept an arm around Light's back, kept her movements the same, kept pushing and pushing her aching muscles for access to her world. But Lightning only stayed there in her arms, looking at her; trying to figure out how the hell it was possible to feel so much spacious pain in but one small space of her body. It hurt it stretched it burned _everywhere._

"Goddamn you, _Goddamn_ _you_," she rumbled, her hips searching faster and faster; begging harder and harder yet Light would not budge, would not make a sound. The pain was soon spreading to her face flushed in her surprise; her shock at seeing this side of Fang, "_Let me in! _I'm fucking you _right here _and you…" Harder and harder she went, palpitating against someplace profound, "…you won't even react at all! How…?" Fang inclined upward, a little; enough to pound the shape of a long shivering sensation inside her, but it wasn't anywhere near _enough_ for her, "…how, how, _how?"_

The sheer commotion of everything, outward and inward, was shaping her eyes thin, making Lightning narrow them to hide her glistening pain. Fang had lowered her head slightly, looking into her as deeply as possible, keeping their faces but a millimeter apart. The speed made their heads and breasts touch often, pushing off the other. Fang had tried to undo her bra with one hand but gave up after only three seconds. Lightning was trying to enjoy this, but it wasn't happening—perhaps…Fang was trying too hard.

The minor banging of the door against her stopped with Fang, and she was panting, sweating, looking madly drained. She was starving for something that Light could not supply her with right now. It was unexpected that she pulled out quickly, making Lightning hiss painfully, and walked with her to the bed. Her hold was strong, somehow gentle while she set her down on the soft mattress, on the cool sheets as she had been before. Light averted her gaze, listening to Fang use her teeth to tear open a condom wrapper and put the contraceptive on.

She shut her eyes, feeling the night's events close in on her. The memory of the pain that had found her eyes was still there. It materialized into a stinging she couldn't fight—a minor shuddering of her body she couldn't shake away. Somewhere, she wanted this. To understand Fang, she wanted this. it had nothing to do with her own body, her own pleasure she couldn't focus on or even _feel _for the most part.

"Light…" A flapping sound, and then her sheets glossed over her exposed body, covering her in time with the warmth of Fang's body. She had turned on her side a little, trying not to cry; unable to be seen this way. Unable, but she was anyway—there was no running away from this. "This…this is the way I felt…" Her face burned in an embarrassed sort of pleasure when Fang eased her thighs apart, settling comfortably in between her. "I felt worthless without you, ugly without you…like the lonesome orphan I am, without you…"

It was feline the way she crawled over her, stayed over her on all fours. Lightning felt that throbbing right against her, and she felt sick with a kind of want she never knew she could possess… "I have no idea how you did it…but everything stopped when you left. Didn't feel like doin' anything anymore…" Gentle fingertips and ghosts of nails grazed her face, turning it with the same care. She felt the distance between their faces close and close while she came closer, began easing inside of her. Lightning opened her watery eyes at Fang's next words that filled her steadily, mirroring the movement between her, "I _swear_, I didn't even have a story anymore."

The kiss was as filling as she was, as pressing and poignant as all of this had become. There was more friction this time, even more need, somehow, simply from the way Fang was holding her, latching her hands against the back of her shoulders. Fang was going steady, undulating her entire body into Lightning this time, keeping their mouths otherwise motionless. The rocking was not intrusive, but massaging with a bodily rub that felt of sheen and sheer effort.

Fang was trying so hard—she could hear it in those frequent, softer sounds—but Lightning just couldn't let go. Of course she held her and kept her legs around those trying hips, but her mind was being blocked by the realness of the act. She was doing this. Fang was making love to her, she knew it, _she felt her—_here—but, and there was always a but, she couldn't…

Not even while she heard such affecting words whispered so hard in her ears…she couldn't.

"You feel the way I'm holdin' you now…? It's how I've wanted it, for weeks. Clingin' to you, like this, to get you to let go…" She tightened her grip and began moving into her subaqueously, so much deeper; so much slower. Lightning finally let out a soft breath laced with her weakened voice, from the _meaning_. "If it's a sin to love you _this_ much…" Finally, she _felt_ that wild pulsing inside of her—her own pulsing around Fang, "then I don't _care_. I'll keep countin' my sins…til you have to leave again…I'll spend my—nnh!—time…doin' that while you're away. _Anything_…but a repeat…of the past…two months…"

She was hungry; her teeth and mouth were watering against Lightning's neck while everything picked up. The rocking turned to thrusting, and she let out a muffled grouse against Fang's shoulder moving into her and back again near constantly. "You…took _everything_ from me…" The constant _moving _and Fang's increasing throbbing kept trying and failing to light a match in her mind. She kept trying to feel everything, listen to those trying, strangled sounds that were so sweet to her eager ears, "I tried not to show it…tried…_fuck_…! Tried not to…not to…let everything _get to me_…"

Lightning felt Fang shuddering in her arms, and changed her hold to one of affection. She understood.

An arm moved from underneath her, to wrap underneath her head, for Fang's hand to hold her face. The band of her ring moved against her flushed skin in time with everything; with _everything _Fang was moving, distending, keeping her face pressed against the other side of Light's. Tightness, she could feel everywhere—between her and the constant stretching, between them with how close they were pressed together and all of Fang's weight on top of her. Fang was gripping her face, keeping them pressed so tightly together, tightening and giving more and more pressure and more and more still…

"Lightning… Oh, Lightning…_Light_…what've you done to me…_what _have you done?" She had no idea. None whatsoever as to how she was silently making Fang put in so much effort, physically, vocally; _fuck, _those moans kept her wet, easing the friction by the second, "You don't even know…you don't…! How can you not!" If Fang had had any control over herself until now, she lost it now, "TELL me!"

Light told her the only thing she could, "I love you, Fang… I love you." That did it; that tore her apart inside of her, sent everything out, made her cry out through a raspy throat. All of the throbbing she felt built into one final motion, one final profound movement that raised Fang to where she needed to be, but without her. Lightning trembled deliciously, giving the hair shining black and quicksilver just in front of her the same kind of groan.

It was admirable how Fang tried to keep going, but Lightning's gesture of rubbing her sweating back told her to stop. She collapsed on her with more weight than before, gasping for air, steadily releasing her grip on Light's body. She was trying to say something, but it was coming out as a series of strangled panting, to which Lightning only shushed her gently and held her in the same manner. The throbbing started up again for a second but began to dissipate with every press of her lips against Fang's drenched face. She wondered when the music stopped and the house grew so quiet, but it was but a fleeting thought.

So much energy given, so much effort… Light felt bad, almost terrible…but what could she do except hold her? Painfully she eased Fang's length from her, wincing, letting out a grunt once she was finally out. The condom was removed and thrown carelessly somewhere on the floor, the time for cleanliness having left for a long while once they had first entered her room. She situated Fang so that she was on her side, Lightning still on her back, and a head sweating silver resting on her chest.

With some effort the white duvet was brought over them, bathing them in a sheen of cold for a moment before adjusting to the feel. Lightning didn't say anything more, only held Fang while she slept deeply, breathing audibly and so peacefully. So many words, left unspoken between them…so many… She couldn't blame Fang for reversing things that night, not anymore. Expressing herself by doing—that had always been one of her finer points.

She would listen to every single voicemail the second she had the chance.


	15. artless

_**xv. **__artless_

In the cold, still-dark hours of the early morning, Fang was eased into consciousness amid the soft sounds of spoken word. One voice was near, humming through the chest she lay her heavy head upon. The other was very faint, muffled against Lightning's ear while she held her wireless with one hand and held Fang with the other. She was quiet, speaking in a calming tone to whoever it was that had the gall to phone her at such an hour.

"Don't worry. We'll be there as soon as we can. The earliest train leaves at seven my time. That's less than an hour from now." The voice on the other end sounded troubled before Lightning added, "She's right here. We're getting dressed and then we'll leave. No one else has to know yet."

Worried, Fang slowly sat up to regard her, taking in that composed expression as much as she could in her lassitude. Light finished her conversation and hung up. She would not look at her, vague hints of unease chipping at her equanimity. There was only a formless air of exigency about her while she removed herself from the bed, telling Fang to dress herself quickly and be ready to leave in a few minutes. Nothing more came from her while she retrieved her usual uniform from her closet and hid herself away in her bathroom. The walk Lightning had was one that radiated preeminence—something completely different from her usual nonchalance and certainty.

If Fang had made a mistake last night, she was certain of it now. Lightning never rose from bed in the morning without at least kissing her once. The weight of the matter pressed heavily on her heart while she wandered through the beddings to get up and do as she was told.

It seemed like mere seconds ago she had been in the deepest sleep of her life, even deeper than that of crystal stasis while she had been in Lightning's arms. After such a night of release—for herself—she barely had much of a grasp on the morning's events thus far. Surely she was aware that she was sitting next to the window on a quiet civilian train, with her head on Light's chest over her typical jacket and turtleneck; she had two shoulder plates now, and they were sharper than before. The thorns were of course very sexy, but made resting on either of her shoulders quite difficult.

She knew that the durable military backpack Lightning brought with them had all that they needed—clothes to sleep in, along with more formal wear, Fang's moogle, their laptops, and plenty of pens and paper. They would be in Palumpolum for an indefinite amount of time.

Hope's father had died last night. An unfortunate car crash with a drunk driver had happened while Bartholomew had been in a rush to hurry home from work to be with his son and his friends for the new year.

"…he's only fifteen," Lightning said, her voice devoid of life. "The same age I was…when I lost mom. Dad, he died a lot earlier. I didn't know him very well…"

Fang listened attentively and tightened her hold on Light's waist—this was the first time she was hearing the entire story. Talking about last night could wait.

"I heard he was agreeable enough. But he was unreliable. I think I might've grown impatient with him as I got older, if he'd still been around. But my mom…she was someone we could count on. Always smiling…she never had anything bad to say about anyone. Back when I couldn't cook to save my life, Serah made our meals. Mom always said my sister was just better at choosing delicious food…

"Before I was fifteen I was already working, to support my mother and Serah. I did the housework while mom was at her job, took care of things, stayed in school. When she got sick, I tried not to act like I had no clue what to do anymore. I stayed strong, did what I could. One day when I came home from school, her doctor contacted me, told me she was getting worse. He said, the next time she goes into a fit could be dangerous…

"We had no other family. The doctor had no choice but to tell me, a fifteen-year-old, the details of my mom's illness. He told me, if anything happens there's a social services person I can introduce you to. There are programs so that children without guardians can live freely… _You don't have to worry. You only have to think about yourself and your sister._ That's when I realized I had to take all the responsibility. I wonder if it showed in my face…looking back, I'm sure my mother knew what I was thinking.

"Serah and I were in her room at the hospital that day. I remember mom saying… 'I'm feeling good today. Yes, I think I want to eat some fruit. Serah, would you go and buy me some?' I automatically said I'd go, already standing, but mom smiled and reminded us that my sister's better at choosing delicious food… When we were alone, I understood. She understood…that's why she sent Serah…and not me."

Lightning paused briefly. Not to collect herself, not to breathe; but to have silence. Fang wanted so much to look at her, to see her face in the dawn's light as the train raced through the countryside. Yet she stayed still, finally feeling Light's arm hold her around her shoulders.

"'But you know, you don't have to do it all by yourself. There are a lot of things Serah can help you with too.' I remember she stretched out her hand, held me close. She stroked my hair, like I was a child. I felt like one. Felt like I'd cry, but I didn't. She called me her cute little spoiled girl…that's what she and dad used to call me, before Serah was born…

"That day, that moment when I was held by her, my childhood was over. I no longer had anyone I could call my mother. I wasn't a child anymore. I couldn't _be_ a child anymore. I told myself I had to do it all by myself. I wanted to be an adult, to protect Serah. I had to grow up as fast as I could. I told myself it was okay to not be my mother's daughter anymore. I'd be Serah's guardian instead. I made a vow in front of my mother's grave, and that's when I became Lightning.

"That's why…I hated Snow so much. It's why I still can't find it in me to like him. And that's why…I can't let Hope go through this alone. He told me how much you two talked while I was away. He needs us, Fang. Both of us."

The walk to Felix Heights in the Residential District was a quiet one, despite the bustle and cheer of the people around them. Hope was waiting in his apartment, as the boy was in no state to be seen by anyone. Fang learned that he still had his grandparents along with aunts and uncles and various cousins on his father's side. Lightning related the impression that Hope did not think very highly of any of them. It was as though he had no family in Palumpolum at all, except for his friends from high school.

Fang was also surprised to learn of the city's weather conditions. The local time was midday, yet the sun was nowhere to be seen along the somber silver skies. The ground and the roofs of the many tall buildings they passed in the busy city were coated in thick layers of freezing crystal dust. It was actually _snowing_. Memories of Oerba were clear in her mind while she wore a long black coat that belonged to Lightning, while Light had her arms wrapped about her to keep her warm as they walked.

She didn't understand how Light wasn't cold at all. A few people here and there stared at the pair, Lightning in particular, for who wore a skirt and no sleeves in such weather? From her backpack, shoulder plates, and the gunblade in her holster, it was obvious she was in the military. Thus they were all too quick to avert their gazes to Fang instead, curious of the one being held snugly by a woman so commandeering. Some smiled at her, mostly children, but she was too distracted to smile back.

As though she sensed her thoughts, the Captain spoke in her ear with her eyes set on the path ahead, "This cold is nothing to me. It was a lot worse in Lake Bresha. There's crystal snow there too." Her breath was coming out as a strange glittering mist, something Fang had never seen before. She had her head on Light's chest again, looking around, seeing all the children playing in the snow. "The fal'Cie never gave us this kind of weather. Everyone seems to like it."

"It's beautiful…" Fang breathed, watching the mist caress Light's stern face. It soon began flying away through the same biting wind that nipped at the ends of her sari. Everything in white around them was scintillating in a way the dust in Oerba hadn't. This was essentially snow, the kind that crunched beneath their feet and froze hers in her sandals to the point where she couldn't feel them anymore.

They passed a large playground at the entrance to Felix Heights, with many children playing while their parents sat nearby and happily kept watch over them. Dogs of various sizes, shapes and shades were running about with their owners, playing with the children, or otherwise relaxing in the snow. The laughter and screams and barks were melodic and enjoyable to her, but Lightning was not paying attention to any of that. She turned a blind eye to the activity and pressed forward, unreadable as ever.

Upon arriving at the Estheim residence, Hope answered the door and let the two women in, gripping from the inside a red duvet draped about his shoulders that dragged along the floor. He had grown a little since they last saw him. He was completely dejected, offering no words of greeting, not reacting at all when Light and Fang took their turns to embrace him. Shortly after setting their things in the guest room, they made their way to the parlor, sitting in a heavy silence for several moments.

No lights were on anywhere in the chilly apartment. Hope was curled up on the recliner, facing a family photo nearby, looking right through it with red eyes. Lightning held Fang's hand firmly as they sat on the couch across from him, listening to him breathe through his mouth, for his red nose was stuffy from having been crying until they arrived. Fang didn't know what to say or do, but she figured she would follow Lightning's lead and stay quiet for the time being. Light knew Hope best, afterall.

It was true that Hope and Fang had spoken with a surprising frequency during the soldier's absence. Fang had been at Lightning's house, lying in her bed as she usually had done during those months, and had acted upon a random urge to call the boy and see how he was doing. He had just gotten home from a brief night out with his friends, and she ended up giving off-handed help with his history homework in between conversation about her girlfriend. Other topics had been explored, such as school, Vanille and the others, and life in general, but Lightning was usually the main point of departure for their talks.

From what she could tell, Hope seemed to regard Lightning as more of a father figure than his own parent had been for him. Light's level words solidified this for her, "I've said this before and I'll say it again now: your grandparents don't know what they're talking about. You don't have to move in with them all the way across town, and risk switching schools. You can stay here. I don't want what stability you do have to be ruined by them trying to tell you what to do."

Hope sniffled thickly, sounding thoroughly stuffed up, "They won't even listen to me. When my best friend Julian came to the hospital with me, my uncle yelled at him to leave. I'm just a kid to them…"

"I already told you I'd talk to them." Lightning crossed one leg over the other, continuing to sit completely upright. Fang had her free arm draped along her own lap, legs crossed, leaning on Light with her head hovering over her shoulder plate, watching Hope through sympathetic eyes. "Did they decide on a date and time for the funeral?"

"Thursday," he sighed, "at five in the afternoon. Then they want to _go out _for dinner afterwards at some fancy ballroom place…"

Light raised her eyebrows, "But that's tomorrow…" He shrugged bitterly. "Do they really hate him that much? Seems like they just want to get it over with as soon as possible." Another sigh was her affirmative. Fang curled the ankle of her topmost leg slowly, brushing the tips of her sandals with Lightning's boot closest to her. "Does this have anything to do with him not being around that much?"

"I guess… They say the only thing he did right was marry my mom. But even then…he went and lost her." Fang felt the grip on her hand tighten for a brief moment. "I'm the only one who volunteered to give a speech for my dad at the funeral. He didn't have any friends. His co-workers barely knew him even though he was always at work. His own sister even said it's like nobody died. No one cares because he never let anyone in…"

Lightning had nothing further to say. Hope's glumness had turned to acrimony. Fang was the only one of the three with some semblance of her usual mood while she spoke calmly, "Well then, it's up to you and your speech tomorrow to show 'em what's right. I know you can do it, Hope. So don't you worry none."

For the first time in many long hours for Hope, he gave a genuine smile, as brief as it was. Lightning's face didn't extend the same gesture, not that Fang was expecting her to. Her words nevertheless helped the rest of their silence pass by a little smoother than it had before.

Later that night before bed, Lightning was in the bathroom of the guest room taking a shower while Fang and Hope were sitting on the edge bed in the dim light of the table lamp. Hope had forgone his duvet and wore a white sweater and grey sweatpants, speaking easily for the most part. Fang was still in her sari, sans her sandals while she lay down and nodded to his backside, listening to him wordlessly. Trying not to fume as he spoke of his relatives.

"They're really religious, my family…at least the older adults are. My dad's name, Bartholomew, is the name of some apostle…I forget which one. All they ever talk about is Eden this, Sanctum that… They think that following the temples will lead them in the right direction, now that the fal'Cie are gone. They still hate everything from Pulse, too…it's like they haven't learned at all from what happened…"

He turned to face her, keeping an arm propped at his side while he looked down at her somberly, "Just so you know…they might…" His awkwardness told her all she needed to know: that they would judge her because she was from Gran Pulse. She didn't care—she was still wearing her traditional, elegant black garb tomorrow no matter what he said. "…they'll probably look at you and Light funny too, if you two hold hands or—"

"What the _hell_ does me and Light bein' together have to do with anything? I was about to let the Gran Pulse thing slide, but _this_?" Fang's snarl misdirected her rage at him, and he shirked slightly. She softened her expression and spoke gentler this time, "Hey, sorry…it's just…I don't get it. You Cocoon people _really_ throw me for a loop sometimes, y'know…" Hope gave a sheepish shrug, and Fang smiled, "So…anyway…how's ol' Julie doin'? You ever get around to sayin' how y'feel about him—"

Just then, amid the running shower Fang heard Lightning sneeze loudly. A short torrent of echoing words that were likely curses soon came from her mouth. Fang was wedged between hilarity and concern while she put a hand on her forehead, smiling to herself at the astonishment on Hope's face.

"She's as much human as me and you are," she reminded him while she bent her arms, keeping her hands laced beneath her head. "It's funny, since she claimed this cold was _nothin'_ to her on the way here. Looks like her immune system don't think so!" Fang crossed her legs, grinning when Hope still couldn't reply. "I take it by your silence Julian's got no clue, hm? I don't blame you."

"…he's coming tomorrow. He'll be here to pick us up, to take us to the dad's funeral, and the restaurant…" Then Fang remembered about his _religious _family. She felt terrible all of a sudden. "I'm not sure… I'm not sure if my family will like him. I told you he's pretty stuck-up…but he's nice to anyone who's cool with me. He's filthy rich and he loves theater—he's got every reason to act the way he does…"

"Those might be your signs he likes you too. He changes his ways for you. _And _he goes by Julie sometimes. I know you said that's mostly 'cause no one can pronounce his _real_ name right… Seems to me he's pretty into you, Hope."

"Yeah, and he's a senior student who actually _wants_ to hang around a little first year like me…" He didn't seem to believe his own words, or Fang's. "You know, he offered to take me in. To help me out and everything… I kinda told him no. I wanna learn how to get by on my own…but…I still wish you and Light could be my legal guardians. I'm really hoping she can convince my grandparents tomorrow."

Fang looked surprised while she sat up, "She didn't tell me nothin' about that…"

"Huh? She told me she would… I asked her this morning. She told me she'd talk to you about it on the way here… It's not like her to forget something like that…"

An awkward silence. Scoffing quietly, Fang shook her head, deciding a change of subject was best. She didn't want to start getting into the reasons for Light's failure to tell her such important news, "You sure you're gonna be all right on your own? Light's off from work for a few weeks, but I dunno if she wants to stay here the entire time."

"I'll be fine, don't worry," he nodded assuredly, "and it sounded to me like she wants to stay here. I bet she's mad at her sister for throwing that crazy party…"

Fang propped her arms behind her while she recalled leaving the house that morning. They had to step over people that had passed out on the stairs and floor on their way out. Including Serah, who had been on top of a shirtless Snow, surrounded by empty beer bottles. She sighed, "Looks like it, yeah. I called Vanille earlier and told her we were on vacation for a while. I know you don't want them to worry."

"Thank you, Fang…it really means a lot to me." They exchanged smiles before hearing Light sneeze again. Fang shook her head amusedly and Hope stood up, sniffling a little while the shower water turned off, "I-I should probably head off to bed…she might think I got her sick if I'm here when she gets out…"

"Good idea," she said while standing up, walking with him to the door, "tomorrow won't be easy. You'd best get some shut-eye after the day you had."

"Yeah, you too… Uhm…" Fang stopped just before the doorway, arms folded while she smiled down at him in the hall. "…whatever's wrong, I'm sure you guys will work it out. She seems tense… Or maybe I'm seeing something that's not there, but…I figured I'd…say _something_." Her smile changed to blankness. He lowered his head, "…good night."

Hope gave her a small bow while sliding the door closed. She listened to his thumping footsteps down the hall, belonging to the vastly growing feet of an almost-stunted adolescent body. Once all signs of him vanished down the hall, she turned as Lightning emerged from the steaming bathroom, wearing a fitting black tank top and loose red shorts. Her hair was dry, and she said nothing while she turned the table lamp off and got into bed, laying on her back on the side closest to the door. Closest to her.

Fang watched her form underneath the light duvet sniffle quietly, removing her belt as she did. There was a numbed nervousness about her while she moved to set it down over Lightning's cape folded on the desk. She stood there, facing away from the bed while she slowly removed her sari, fully aware of the concerted pair of eyes on her in the deep silver dark.

The silence of the apartment surrounded her, the lingering novelty of different surroundings joining her atmosphere. They needed to talk. If Hope even caught on to the tension between them, it needed to be addressed. There had been too many distractions since they'd woken up. And now was her chance…but Fang could only convey her sentiments by removing _all _of her clothes.

She stood there, wearing nothing but her love and concern for Light, listening to her motionlessness. She held her hands together, staying rooted to the spot while she turned her head as much as she could, looking down at Lightning over her shoulder. Her hair glossed about her shoulder blades as she did, staying still while she watched her woman watch her acutely from underneath the duvet. Her own throbbing was irrefutable, completely noticeable to her.

The sensation manifested itself all over again while she saw Lightning ease the duvet aside, stand, and drift over to her. Soon she was behind her, against her; keeping an unyielding hand on her tattooed bicep while the other slithered around her waist, right down her front… Her lips were right against her ear, and through her nasal breathing her slight sickness was evident. That still couldn't make Lightning any less alluring than she was now…

And when she spoke clearly, gently, it sounded to Fang as though she was murmuring into a microphone for all her body to hear. The feedback showed itself in the way she slowly snaked her bare body this way and that in Lightning's arms, "You seem scared." Did she, really…? She had no idea anymore. "Is there…something you need to say to me?"

Fang reached back to run her digits through soft hair, her upper body a stunning crescent against Light's breasts. "What's the matter..?" she breathed, her lacquered eyes focusing on the strong arm around her. "Light…tell me… Tell me if there's somethin' wrong…"

She was moved backwards with her. Lightning sat upon the bed, Fang on her lap. Steadily she felt Lightning move completely on the bed. Light settled against the pillows along the headboard, speaking quietly down her shoulder blades, "I was up all morning after you fell asleep, listening to all of your messages. You sounded like you really, really missed me…like a completely different person. Like how you were last night—the person you're afraid to be. It's like you don't even trust me when I _am_ around…" Her pause made Fang feel…nervous, "I wouldn't have wanted to lose it to you any other way, I hope you know that. I _liked _that you let go so much. But I _don't _like that you're scared of yourself."

Lightning eased Fang from her lap, settling her on her back beneath the sheets and the duvet. Fang turned on her side, watching in deep ambiguity while Light stood and went to the desk. From her backpack she retrieved some paper and a pen, muttering a good night to her while she left the room.

The door slammed shut, isolating Fang in the room with her remorse. It was so immense that she couldn't move, couldn't stay still from the boiling pot of shame she felt inside her. She was at a complete loss for what to do for the first time in…almost twenty-four hours.

The promise ring over her finger burned as cold as the crystal snow outside when she heard a sniffle right outside the door. Then she walked away, Fang having assumed she'd already gone while she lay there, breathing in the warm vestiges of Lightning's rain-scented body wash about cool the sheets.

She couldn't do anything. She already missed her chance to go after her.

Fang did not stir until Hope had reluctantly prodded her awake, warning her that she needed to get dressed, for Julian was already there. Lightning and Hope were already dressed, now in the living room with Julian, waiting on her. Suffice to say, Light had gotten dressed covertly, without bothering to wake her, leaving Hope to wake a woman sleeping naked under the duvet. The truth comforted her greatly.

She had dressed relatively quickly. She had only stepped in the shower and lathered herself for a few seconds, feeling too empty and translucent to believe that cleaning herself would do any good. The water would not wash away the festering sickness in the pit of her stomach about last night, and the night before.

She stood in the hazily humid bathroom with the door open and no lights on, looking at herself in the mirror. She wore black heels and her black garb that flowed as much as her sari, that covered her body completely save for her upper chest and her entire arms. There was a sullen scowl on her face, stubbornly so, and she would not change her expression. She had dreamt of that large cliff in Bodhum, being on the tip of the precipice, while on her knees before Lightning during a thunderstorm.

Light didn't seem to see her while she looked down at her so indifferently. With all the troubles on her mind, it was as though she'd looked right through her; as though she'd let herself down by staying with such a coward, such a monster.

This wasn't all Fang's fault, she'd tried to reason with her. After a while, Fang couldn't tell if the water she felt on her face was the rain or her own tears. She couldn't remember the last time she cried, couldn't remember what it felt like. She had no idea why the dream had ravaged her so. She had no clue as to why her sickness prevailed so much. Apathetic confusion, perhaps it was.

In the present, she willed her feet to take her to the living room. It was about that time.

As she sat in her seat in the front row of the dark candlelit temple between Hope and Lightning, she knew, in so many ways, that she did not belong there. She was so confused. Nothing made sense anymore while Light would not hold her hand—she was too busy being in her own little sick bubble with her tissues and stubborn indistinctness. Fang could never tell what she was thinking. It killed her.

The hushed chatter of those around her made her emotions skyrocket more. She heard them talking. Heard them commenting on her 'inappropriate' tattoo, on how she had not spoken to any of them, on how they heard her talking to their nephew or grandson or cousin Hope with such a vulgar manner of speech. Fang's scowl deepened the more she heard the sea of black suits and dresses comment on how she was obviously with Lightning—who was again in her black uniform. _Lightning, _who was obviously having problems with her Pulsian ladyfriend and couldn't contain her emotions, the poor thing.

What they didn't know was that Lightning was _sick, _hence why she had the tissue over her red nose. They had no idea that Light was not the type to cry—the funeral was not making her eyes stream, it was her _cold_. She was _sick._

The comments continued and continued from the racist bastards all around her. Julian was even looking at her through eyes of a poignant grey, running a hand along his slicked back dirty blond hair. Lightning had again turned a blind eye to things and was busy sniffling grumpily behind her tissue. Fang was staring right at her, expecting her to turn around and tell the old fools around them to shut up, but she did not. Light understood completely the boiling Fang felt in her veins, the screeching in her mind that all the noise had become; how it was literally paining her to keep sitting there. She _knew._

Fang stood abruptly. All eyes that weren't already scrutinizing her flew to her form, watching her storm away from Lightning's painful attempts at obliviousness. Painful for her, not Light herself. Never Lightning, because _nothing _ever chipped away at her.

They watched her walk down the aisle so powerfully, watched her with their comments; looked her up and down with faces so scandalized and shocked and smug. They knew they had gotten to her, they knew it when she made eye contact with some and kept scowling at their conceit.

_They _didn't win. It was Lightning. Because she _always _won. She was still a spoiled little girl who always got her way without needing to ever say a word. She wasn't the one storming out of a damn funeral on feet that ached from wearing heels. She wasn't the one with her fists clenched, teeth clenched; stomach clenched while she walked, stepping with every ounce of frustration she'd harbored since the day she fell in love with frustration incarnate.

Everyone in that family had insulted her heritage, her customs, her appearances. They called her barbaric, uncivilized; claimed that she surely wasn't normal. They felt good about it. She didn't even _know _these people! Lightning hadn't said a word and wasn't stopping her, and all but shared the same sentiments as they did. She was unreadable. Always so damn indecipherable. Which one hurt more?

Lightning won. Her simple, artless little game gutted her. Fang had a hard time realizing the distance put between them once she was in the lobby. People again stared at her strangely, as the Estheims had done. It was so fucking stupid and unfair and childish and she needed to get away from them. And of course, she _wanted_ Lightning to come after her while she left the building and into the biting zephyr, walking in the snow through the confused crowd watching her as she went. She wanted to give her a piece of her mind, to explain how difficult it was to accept every part of herself as Light had done for her. It was overwhelming how _understanding _Lightning was. _Why_ wasn't she afraid too?

Fang scoffed in an arrogant reprieve; she heard that ever distinct sniffling right behind her while her frozen feet took her to wherever they felt like going.


	16. coma white

_In Memoriam – Apocalyptica _

_**xvi. **__coma white_

A massive headache and throbbing sinuses did not go well with an upset girlfriend who was storming through the snow. Lightning was quite literally walking over Fang's frustrated snow-white footsteps, through the parted crowd while following after her, sniffling every ten seconds so as to remind her that she was still right behind her. That was about as much comfort as she would offer Fang at the moment. And it was ample, strenuous—she could not fathom how this woman was walking so fast through the thick snow in such high heels.

Walking right over Fang's frustrations—it seemed to be something Light was adept at. Not only at the moment, but in general, she was good at it. She ambled over them at her own pace, at whatever rhythm was necessary to get Fang to get her problems out already and for them to move on.

Now, _right now,_ Lightning really wanted to stop walking. Her limbs ached from the effort in her sickly state, and she could barely keep her eyes open; could only see Fang amid the expanse of white surrounding them. A bird's-eye-view of their location would grant the viewer meager entertainment; but rather, show the toils of effort in the face of confusion. The misunderstandings and miscommunications and misdirections—those were what made her sick, made her ache, made her heart threaten to stop in her exhaustion.

They were still walking. Fang was not stopping. They had made it to a less frequented part of town, where the people were scarce and the buildings were few. Lightning was steadily becoming a negative image of Fang. Fang, who was walking ever-so proudly, sauntering with her strut to wherever she felt like going. And Light, she was beginning to slump, willing herself to keep going despite her growing and growing exhaustion. The physical strain was not making her footsteps erratic and off-balance. It was not her poor coordination with her blurry eyesight that was making her sway.

Emotionally, she was drained. After having a painful revisit of life at fifteen and losing her mother, and now having to take care of Hope _and _Fang, she needed some form of recuperation. The gale and her bad health were not helping, nor was Fang's blind eye to the exhaustion evident in her steps. The effort was so great that she wanted to stop; her body was screaming that she needed to.

It would be so simple, to take Fang's hand, make her stop; make her explain what all that was about during the funeral. It was too cold. It was as though Fang was walking away from her, and it hurt. Lightning didn't do anything to her. Did Fang know that she would walk to any ends after her no matter what happened? Probably not…and Light was doing a poor job at letting her know.

They approached an empty playground underneath the darkening skies. Light immediately saw the swings, as a place to finally rest, and took hold of Fang's hand. Wordlessly and amiably she led her over to the long swings, mindful that Fang could now see the way she was walking. She could feel those concerned eyes on the side of her head. Lightning didn't care, she needed to sit down with her.

Unfazed she was by the coldness of the swing as she sat down on one, with Fang on another next to her. She held the chains and stayed still, looking down at the burrow beneath her, left from people having enjoying that very swing before her. There was a calming silence between them, broken only by Lightning's occasional sniffle and clearing of her throat. Her entire head was throbbing and it was difficult to keep it raised; she must have looked so miserable.

She was somewhat surprised when Fang stood and walked in front of her. She was even more surprised when Fang took hold of the chains on her swing, and situated herself so that she was sitting on Light's lap. It was as though Lightning was now her swing while she sat there, her arms around Light's neck, holding her heavy head close to her chest. All of her earlier anger was apparently forgotten.

"You're so cold," Fang murmured, the side of her face resting atop Light's head, holding her tighter. Lightning felt much warmer, being like this with her; wondering how it was her comfortable chest was still so temperate. "Why didn't you stop me earlier? Why didn't you say anything…?" She shrugged. Fang gave a scolding scoff, shaking her head; more scolding of herself, really, before her throaty voice went on, "I'm ridiculous. _You're _ridiculous. Hell, we're _both _fuckin' ridiculous but it's me more than you… We need to get you back to Hope's place…I'm worried about you."

Lightning did not trust the strength of her vocal chords to convey much of anything, so she lifted her feet from the ground, allowing their center of gravity to shift. Lightly back and forth they began to swing, without any effort from either of them; the chains went as they pleased.

She kept one hand on the metal, one arm about Fang's waist, breathing in her perfume along her cleavage. It was rather silly of her to literally have her stuffy nose down Fang's chest but she didn't care; it was warm and inviting and it helped to distract her from her terrible headache. Fang didn't seem to mind at all.

And they kept swinging, slowly, steadily higher with Fang's help while she rocked them both. Lightning felt as if she was being rocked to sleep, especially when she began to hear something melodic humming through Fang's chest…but that was only her speaking over her wireless to someone. She heard the words 'playground' and '_please_ pick us up', but beyond that, she was already deeply asleep.

It was so comfortable, where she was. With the warmth holding her, breathing deeply, speaking calmly to her. The coldness couldn't touch her. Not like this, not right now. She didn't know if it was her cold that was making her eyes stream, or if it was something else. Her own frustrations, maybe. She didn't know. She was too tired to know. She didn't want to move, didn't want Fang to ask her why her chest and her dress were so wet. She felt like a child in her mother's arms, simply from how protective Fang's hold on her was. It was so liberating and assuring; she couldn't even feel or stop the streaming if she tried.

She only wanted to enjoy her childish climaxing on the cold swings, in Fang's arms, while taking the best nap of her life.

Realization was such a finicky thing; realizing where she was, that it was dark, that she felt so alone. The forlorn feeling grazed her heart painfully, stringing out fragments of memories from her nightmares. The more she felt the absence of Fang's body in her arms, in the room, in the entire apartment, the less she wanted to open her heavy, stinging eyes. Her throat would not allow her to breathe on occasion, momentarily, while she recalled the reasons for her immobilization.

Before then, she hadn't slept in days. She hadn't wanted to fall asleep, to have her dreams tease her with Fang's presence, only for her to wake up alone. Her growing hatred of sleeping alone had originally spurred her to reach out to Fang to begin with. By sleeping with her, protecting her and holding her, Lightning was able to rest easily and wake the same.

This…it was beyond terrible, the deep empty feeling she felt everywhere. It was the same she had each time she woke up from her pitiful naps while having been on her two-month long mission. By now she detested the feeling, how much it paralyzed her.

Some ounce of power within her, a strong desire to see Fang somewhere made her move her aching body to her side. Something was there, on the empty side of the bed. She didn't open her eyes, but her heavy, vaporous hand reached out and fell upon her wireless.

A stuffy breath of surprise left her while she raked the device over to her, opening her eyes enough to see that she had a voicemail from Fang.

A deep yawn escaped her while she fumbled her fingers to listen to the message. She received it on Saturday…so that must have been what day it was. Hopefully. Her aching head was soon massaged thoroughly by that voice so soothing and soporific.

"_Hey…how's my cute little spoiled girl doin'? I hope you're feelin' better…if not, don't worry. Me and a few of Hope's friends are out gettin' you some medicine, things to eat, and…you know, other things… Anyway, Hope and Julian are gonna drop me off there once we're done, then they'll be out of the house with the rest of their group for the night. Julie kinda insisted on it, so who was I to say no? _

"_That dinner thing with Hope's family got rescheduled for the Sunday evenin' after next. Some shit happened with someone's pet or some rubbish, I dunno, I think Hope made it up. Point is, we don't have to see those people again for about a week…_

"_Listen, Light…I'm so sorry for the way I've been actin' lately. I'm sorry I'm sayin' this now over a lousy message, but I needed to let you know as soon as I could. Whenever you're up for it, we're gonna have ourselves a nice dinner. I'll actually do my best to cook—I want you to save your strength. I'll help you get better…I promise you I will. I'll do whatever you need…I'm here for you. I'll be there soon…"_

A tired smile was on Lightning's lips while she saved the message, already replaying it in her head. She moved about a little to regain the feeling in her limbs, finally noticing the white track pants and tank she wore, courtesy of Fang. She had no recollection of undressing or even getting back to Hope's apartment. The digital clock on the desk only read eight.

She closed her eyes a moment, lying on her sore back. Her wireless automatically went to the first saved message—the first one Fang had left her many months ago, before the letter. Fang sounded much more friendly, more carefree. Not at all like her lover, the way her more recent messages sounded…which were for the most part decidedly _less _carefree…

"_Oi, Light! What's a lady gotta do to get a hold of you, huh? I know your name's Lightning and all but that don't mean you can't stop by for more than a second! Drop on by after work sometime and I'll have Vanille cook for the three of us—you need a break. You know I'm always free, even while I'm out huntin', so give me a call when you can, yeah? Cheers!"_

A surge of embarrassment made her keep her palm over her face—that one was from a day far too close to Valentine's Day, when she had been more or less avoiding everyone altogether. She had been debating on whether or not to _say _anything, but thought against it, for it would have been far too cliché. Light had settled on anonymously sending _her_ _survival knife_ instead. Fang never seemed to have gotten the hint that it was from her.

She continued to listen to each message as they played. Funnily enough, the next one was from Serah on that dreaded day nearly a year ago. Light had made an excuse about a double shift that kept her from going out with everyone.

"_You know it's okay if you don't have a date today. It hasn't been long since we were finally reunited, and already it's like you're gone again…can't you at least stop by Snow's apartment on your break, before we all leave? We really miss you. I miss you. Call me back?"_

Lightning hadn't saved any further messages from anyone other than Fang. Snow was one to oft leave her unwanted voicemails, always about wanting to meet up somewhere when she was free. Hope was much too shy to leave her a message; she usually picked up whenever he called anyway. Sazh never had a reason to call her. Serah began calling less and less since her sister's involvement with Fang, likely to give her space. Vanille…no, Vanille never called her. The first time she did was New Year's Eve; and what a memorable conversation that had been.

She didn't have any other contacts of note on her personal wireless. Her Guardian Corps wireless was filled with unwarranted messages from guys in the ranks who didn't know or otherwise didn't care about Fang—messages she never bothered even listening to and deleting anymore. Much to her chagrin, not everyone in her regiment abided by the rules for their military-issue devices.

She was still listening to Fang's voice. This message was from that two month span, when they were apart. It was one of Light's favorites, one that she had been thinking about frequently since she first heard it the other morning.

"_Goddamnit I fuckin' miss your triflin' ass, Light… I know, I know—I shouldn't complain. One month so far ain't nothin' compared to a year or more…but the thing is, you never tell me when you'll be back. You're scared to tell me, aren't you? It makes me worry even more…what if, you really will be gone for years? I try to tell myself that no, you won't…y'cant be away from me for that long. I won't let you, you hear me?_

"_If it comes to that, then I'll go and find you! I can find out how to get to where you are, search for you through any battle I need to and stay with you. It's what I should be doin' now, but you wouldn't like that. I know you. You'd act pissed at me, like I was gettin' in your way…but if that's what goes down, then so be it… So be it if this world was taken by war, like mine was… As long as I'm with you…and Vanille…I don't give a damn about what's happenin' around us._

"_You are my common sense, my path, my everything right now. You're my one light of hope. I wish I could say you're with me on this path, wherever we're goin', but I can't. That don't mean you ain't guidin' me anymore. No…you are. I've lived a full life, done so many things…I wonder, if everything I've done was to prove my worth to you. If everything I've done is what makes you admire me so much._

"_All along, I've been tryin' to get to you. Went through so much mess, just to have you slap me the first time we met…to have you as my support through that hellish life we both had. I dunno, maybe Gran Pulse was hell, without you. Cocoon sure is right now, at least where I am. Vanille and Serah can try all they like, but I'll never cheer up. Not til I see your scowl again… Then I'll know I'm home. Only then will I be back to my old self again… I'm such a wretched excuse for a woman without you, Lightning…" _

A few more, a few more…and then, came her absolute favorite of them all. Her voice was so deep, full of yearning; she still blushed, listening to it now.

"_There's somethin' cold and blank behind my smile these days… I'm here without you in this world that wanted to throw me away, that wanted me dead just a year ago. Before now I never thought about it. Before now it never bothered me that I was livin' here. If you weren't a l'Cie along with me, I wonder how we would've met? Would you've caught me, roughed me up, then slit my throat like I was a flower? Or would you've killed me on the spot with a few bullets from that gunblade of yours?_

"_I know you wouldn't want to do any such thing now. Sometimes I wish you could…devour me. Yes, I said it. I don't know what I mean by it, neither. When I wanted you the most, that's when you had to leave…"_

Interrupted she was by a curious preening of her neck and face, one that was trying to get her attention. Lightning barely felt herself hold Fang about her head and neck, smiling at her unexpected silliness. "Are you my puppy today, Fang?" she asked, half-laughing when she received a nod and more preening. Light figured this was her way of apologizing further. It wouldn't hurt to just go with it.

"A stray one who followed you home, yes." She stopped, looking up in time to see the small smile Light had. The smile soon vanished, lost in the genuineness of Fang's countenance. "I couldn't resist goin' after you… You seem like the type that'd fix me right up, take good care of me…" Honesty was there, in that authenticity. Lightning understood well enough what she really meant. "But for now, you still ain't feelin' well. So let me take care of you."

She let her go, watching the space in front of her occupy itself again shortly after with a tray, one for eating in bed, followed by Fang sitting on the edge of the bed and facing her as much as possible. Lightning smelled the steak before she looked down at it, wide-eyed and intrigued by the savory quality of the sliced meat. Unsurprisingly, that was all that was on the large plate. Curiously, she watched Fang's hand fumble slightly with the solitary fork. She was nervous for whatever reason.

Light directed her attention to the tall glass of iced tea next to the plate, sitting up against the headboard and reaching for the cup with both hands. She held the cold glass to her mouth, one hand underneath and the other about the middle, sipping, watching Fang slowly spear one of the small squares of steak. The cold drink was uncontestable with the burning of her own face.

"So, you know…" began Fang, hovering the fork somewhere between them. Light kept the glass between her lips, finally looking up at her in earnest. She certainly looked like one who was trying not to show her nerves. "This steak is actually pretty good. Cooked it m'self!" Lightning gave her a coy smile and set down her glass. Fang gaped at her strangely, "What? Why're you givin' me that look?" She couldn't help the snicker that escaped her; she shook her head and took the fork from her, proceeding to feed herself, "Hey! What's the big idea? I'm supposed to feed you!"

Light shrugged, swallowing before saying, "You were taking too long. I'm hungry." Fang looked expectant for a moment. "I like it a lot. It's very good. Thank you, Fang."

"Well aren't you somethin' else…" She looked sheepish when Light returned the fork to her. She went on to do as she wished and fed her, watching her carefully, "You mean it? You really like it a lot?"

A nod. Fang still looked reluctant, so Lightning added, "It's very salty. But after eating with you for so long, I think I'm used to it. I know you love salty food."

"That's right… So what else d'you know about me?"

Lightning smiled easily at that child-like anticipation. It suited her much more than reckless arrogance. "I know you're very passionate in all that you do. You always give everything you have, devote yourself entirely to whatever you're focused on."

Fang redirected the fork to her own mouth instead, to buy time. Light went back to the tea, sipping in between speaking, "Sometimes I think you can get a little too caught up. You forget about yourself, where you're going. You always just…follow… You follow me, without thinking. But then you get mad when you can't see me, when you can't understand me. It can't be very healthy."

She always appreciated that Fang swallowed her food before talking. "I can't think. Not when I'm around you. 'Least…I can't think the way I should. Even right now I feel like runnin' my mouth about all I feel for you. I feel like I need to keep lettin' you know how sorry I am, too."

"You already apologized, Fang. It's in the past. I'm over it."

"No, no…there's somethin' else." Now, she chose to continue feeding her. Light looked skeptical whilst she chewed, watching Fang grin contritely, "They'll be here first thing in the mornin'. Snow, Serah, Val and Vanille. There ain't nothin' we can do about it." Lightning bit down on the fork. Fang paid her no mind and eased the utensil from her with a strength-filled ease, "Vanille don't ask me questions, but your sister does. Told her everything that happened since we got here. She already yelled my head off about it, so she shouldn't be too bad once she's here… So much for our vacation, eh?"

Lightning chose not to comment; leave it to Fang to always be so honest and frank. She only continued to accept the steak from the proffered fork. The plate was emptying quickly. Topics of conversation were also running low. Though she supposed there was one other thing she forgot to mention.

"I told Hope you and I could be his legal guardians."

"I think you did a little more than just _tell _him, babe," replied Fang forthrightly. "I signed the papers too."

Lightning honestly had forgotten to bring it up until now. Even though she did indeed sign the required documents, "You're not mad?"

"Light, you ain't been feelin' well. It's fine. And his dad did have a will made already. I wonder why…but he wrote that he wanted two of us to be the kid's guardians. He met you and me, and Snow, the first time we came here, saw how we were with him and his son. Snow's already fixin' to have his own family down the line, so that leaves us."

"Does Serah know?"

"She does. When she figured out what it meant, she calmed down real easy. Vanille and Snow seemed happy about it."

"What does it _mean?"_

The plate and cup were empty. Fang stood with the tray, made to leave the room. "We more or less have a son now. I appreciate you forgettin' to ask me first, but like I said, it's fine. We're both sick as it is. Who can blame you?"

Light watched her go with a warm face, just now noticing she was only in her black shorts and halter top, feeling thrown. She hadn't thought of it that way. Hope had always been a very dear and loyal friend to her. Nothing changed, not to her, once she signed the papers. She still couldn't see Hope as her _son_… She was legally allowed to look after him and be his parent figure. That was all. The son part wouldn't click, no matter how much she considered it, even though Fang was right. More or less…

Soon she had returned, wordlessly crawling into bed with her. Light looked down at the sleek head on her chest, wrapping her arms about Fang's form. She turned towards her a little, to have Fang closer. There was a small part of her that wanted to feel odd at the moment, about the proximity—Fang was quite literally latched onto her, breathing deeply and steadily.

Maybe it had something to do with the way Lightning's firm hand was along the back of her thigh, absently roaming upwards in her curiosity. The other was laced through her hair, massaging the nape of her neck; her neck that kept tensing and trying not to twist much more than it already was. Light couldn't help it; couldn't help the need in her hands, despite the exhaustion of her mind and body.

"You…" rasped Fang, gritting her teeth and groaning against Light's shoulder, "are you teasin' me, or has it really been that long since I've had your hands on me like this?"

Lightning felt the restraint Fang was keeping on herself, felt it coursing beneath her fingertips. "It's been a while…" It was unbelievable to her how much of an effect she had, firmly running her hands up and down such a strong body. "Too long," she murmured to her, holding Fang's smooth face in both hands, bringing her lips closer. "Seems like…when you want it, it goes away too fast." She was so beautiful, regarding Light with a hard want and worship, "And when you hate it, it always seems to last…like this."

She kept their faces but a blink apart, watching the understanding gloss through Fang's eyes and brighten them to a level of loving. Light had the rest of that voicemail playing in her head verbatim, letting those addictive feelings surge through her; and she projected them fully to the one in her arms, with her lips, conveying how much she loved the thoughts and emotions she could instill in her. And Fang responded, so vigorously with such vim and flavor, to the point where Lightning hated her manners.

They would not go further while they were there. Light wouldn't allow it. She was still getting acquainted with these more powerful feelings she felt whenever Fang would let out a sound, any sound, especially a submissive one. If this kept up, to the point where she had to keep stopping them, keep stopping them, and stop them still from doing anything while not at home…well, she didn't know what would happen.

But from the way Fang was so attuned to Light's likes, the way she kept acting on them; trying to push her off balance once she pulled Lightning on top of her and started to obey with her body, she could think of a few possibilities. Just a few.

"…_when you want it, it goes away too fast. And when you hate it, it always seems to last… I want to outrace that speed, get away from it…and find you at the end of it all. I feel like I am racing it, because I can't stop. I can't sleep. I just wanna be free, but I know I can't be, not until you're back. I ain't foolish enough to think that I'm free without you. I'm too wrapped up in you…I know I am. And I don't give a good goddamn. This is where I ended up with you and this is where I'll stay. With you._

"_Your love's not goin' anywhere, Lightning…not without me. I want you with me, always. Lie to me, cry to me, give to me; lie with me, fight with me, give to me—I want you. If ever a day should come that I'm wrong, then just remember: when you think you're free…the crack inside your fucking heart is me."_


	17. coma black

_**xvii. **__coma black_

Fang was alone, outside underneath the lightly falling snow, sitting on that same swing from the other week. She wore a black fur coat and knee-high pumps, and underneath she had on her sari. She was swinging a little while she read Light's letter to her that early evening, awaiting her return to that very spot.

Weeks had passed, and to Fang's knowledge, Light had received no word about returning to work any time soon. As a result, the soldier had been reclusive, more so than usual. The presence of Snow and the others had had even more negative effects on her. So she had understandably needed to get away from the others at Hope's apartment for a little while, and had instructed Fang to wait there while she went for a short walk alone to clear her mind.

No one was around for miles, it seemed. It was so quiet, so still. So peaceful. Only the snow surrounded her while she read, a contented smile on her face; a fascinated eyebrow raised. The words were more than enough to keep her beyond warm from her face down—down to the snow beneath her feet. Lightning was slowly but surely becoming more eloquent and imaginative in her letters.

_I had a dream, recently, about us. I want to recreate it—and this is what happened:_

_I knelt down before you, with all my love for you, and laid my head on your lap. Red roses from my hand fell to the floor when you bent over, when you wrapped your arms around me. And the world, like my heart, my breaths; stood still. My eyes were cribs and they were growing lies—all I could see was black, but you were right in front of me. _

_Or maybe I was finally looking at nothing, the nothing I've always wanted to give you. You were there, with me, and I wanted to ease you away from this cruel world that had the ability to keep us apart; help you fall into a sleep so deep, as strong as a coma. _

_I don't know what my love was on, but I do know that in my dream, I felt like you were the only thing I could love in this dying world. But the simple word of 'love' itself already died and went away. I couldn't say I love you; I needed to say something else, do something else._

_If I couldn't be your love or your light, then I wanted to be something better. I wanted to be your night, your seclusion; what kept you asleep after giving you anything you wanted from me._

And then, Lightning returned, approaching her without any roses to Fang's slight surprise. She wore a white cloak, pants, and her same boots underneath. Fang watched her through glossed eyes as she stood before her, bent down. Those eyes were flitting between Fang's, and her lips. Inspecting them, almost; oblivious to the anticipation she was knitting with each saccade of her eyes.

She spoke quietly, "Come with me."

Fang was in no place to object, finding that Light was already pulling her up by her hips, and kept her arms wrapped around them as they walked back in the direction of the general populace.

"You know you can talk to me, Light," she said, after several moments of silence. "I'm here for you…"

"I'm being stupid." She shook her head. "I want something."

Two very different statements, both said in the same breath. Fang thought nothing of her idiosyncrasy and went on, "What is it that you want?"

Lightning gave her a sidelong glance. After a few more of them, she kept eye contact a moment. Her eyes roved down, stayed there. Down further, and moved back to the snowy sidewalk ahead.

"You read my letter."

Fang's breath caught onto something moving rapidly, lingered there in her chest. "I did…and it was beautiful. You know how much I love your writing, babe… But what d'you _want_?"

They had made it back to the Business District of Palumpolum, amid the growing crowd of commuters. When Light appeared as though she had no intention of answering, Fang went on, "When are you gonna recreate it? What you wrote, I mean. You said you wanted to."

"Eventually."

Fang's brows knitted in her confusion, and she gave a hum of minor disbelief. And as they were crossing one particularly busy intersection, Lightning stopped them right in the center, jarringly, and only stared at her while they faced one another.

Passerby eyed them with respective reactions, as varied as the thoughts traversing through Fang's mind by the second. Cars were passing by, behind her, while she regarded Light's sternness, noticing the people in the line of cars waiting on the light to change. All of them were staring, of boredom, of curiosity. Not the way Lightning was staring at her; of course not.

There was but one solitary want in the blue she could see, beneath sharp-soft falls of hair. As coldly as the wind that passed them by did the moments go.

And then they were walking again, per Fang's lead. The light had been in the midst of changing, and she was none too keen on getting ran over. Lightning seemed frustrated while they made their way back to Hope's apartment.

Fang let out a deep, inaudible breath, to keep her cool. She had learned of the dangers in trying to figure Light out, in trying to force anything out of her verbally or otherwise. She would wait for Lightning to come to her, when she was ready.

Later that night after dinner, Fang was standing next to Light in front of the TV, watching the news with her while the others were busy talking loudly in the kitchen. Lightning was wearing black jeans for some reason, a matching tank, and was very much unable to stand still. Fang was in her usual clothing, without her sandals, eyeing her strangely in between paying attention to the announcements.

Once again, Lightning appeared deeply frustrated, while the newscast went on about some Lieutenant Colonel Nabaat. Fang was busy wracking her brain, trying to remember where she'd heard the name before. She could have sworn Sazh had said that very name at some point during their journey, but she couldn't recall when.

Whoever this Jihl person was, her recent recovery and restoration to power as advisor to the current Primarch was much cause for Light's current anger. She lit up minimally when the announcer divulged rumors of plans for the woman's assassination, and promptly turned off the television, engulfing them in darkness amid the far-off sounds of conversation.

"So _that's_ what she meant…"

Fang faced her, tilting her head to one side, folding her arms while Light went on, "My superior called me a few days ago and told me about Jihl. Because of that, it looks like I'll finally be heading back to work tomorrow."

"Oh." Fang didn't have much excitement to offer about the prospect. She'd gotten so used to seeing her so much these past weeks. "So d'you wanna catch a train back to Bodhum tonight, or…?"

Lightning looked stricken, slowly began walking past her, "That's the thing. My ride will be here first thing in the morning. The _Lindblum._" She stopped, however, once they were shoulder-to-shoulder. "The Cavalry is actually planning the assassination, but they can't do anything right without causing a huge panic. So they need an outsider's help."

"So they want _you_ to do it…?"

"No…but Jihl thinks the Homeguard in Eden is up to something. So…"

Fang shut her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath through her nose while she stood in front of Lightning, staring her down, "_So?"_

Light was unfazed and continued on, "So I'll be gone for a while. I have to help find someone to get the job done. You saw what happened when she was under Barthandelus, so this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible."

_That _Jihl. Now she remembered… "And what if you can't find anyone?"

"Then my superior will do it, and risk ruining her reputation, and that of the Guardian Corps as a whole."

"…but then _your _rep's ruined if that happens, won't it?"

"Yes, maybe…most likely…but this needs to be done. We have no choice. I'll be in Eden, looking around, and doing whatever else I'm ordered. I'll be living on the _Lindblum _until this is over." Though she understood, Fang still lowered her head while she nodded. Lightning held her face resolutely, looking deeply through her, "Fang, I swear on my honor to you that I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'm not lying—I learned my lesson. You saw to that…"

Lightning wouldn't even spare her a kiss, and simply continued out of the living room to go pack her things. Possession was such a rupture in her chest in that instant, listening to Light's footsteps receding down the hall, away from her. Possession, what was had over her so effortlessly those six months. The very same that made her veins go cold with the fire of depravity within.

Yet because she knew she needed to be strong, to be accepting of the circumstances and to be devoid of grievances, she began walking to the kitchen. Not to their room, where she would undoubtedly and selfishly after some time ask Lightning if she _really _had to leave again. If Lightning was going to continue being in the military, this was something she needed to get used to.

But how could she get used to it, when it was bound to be shaped so differently each time she found out about the imminent goodbye? The first time, she had no idea what to expect—the confusion and ambiguity had twisted her from the inside out without fail. And this time, she was too hollow to be twisted anywhere on the inside—there wasn't anything there of substance. Only her feelings for Lightning were there. Those were not to be touched or twisted; could not be changed, nor warped, only tested and grown, as they were now.

Perhaps the motions of the manifestation could be blamed for her prickling moroseness. As she stepped into the kitchen, no one noticed her entrance—they were too busy accepting something in their glasses that was being poured by her smiling sister. Snow, Serah, Hope and Val were there, looking at the substance curiously. Fang smirked despite herself while she stood next to Hope—Vanilla Ice had made its return.

"You all have to try it!" Vanille insisted, filling Snow's glass, who was the last in the queue. "I'm sure you'll love it, trust me! Now go on! Drink up!"

The four of them took one sip and promptly made sour faces, complaining loudly and colorfully of the poor quality of the drink. Fang, too, was surprised while Vanille stood there, looking down at the hourglass-shaped bottle as though it had offended her.

A minor distraction from her troubles; Fang grinned while she accepted Hope's glass that he nearly shoved at her while he fled the kitchen with his hands over his mouth. Serah had a polite hand over her wrinkled face, and Snow set his glass down on the counter behind him while he too left the room.

"I'm sorry," spat Val, wiping his mouth angrily while he stood next to Serah, "but what the _hell _is in this? I thought you said it was supposed to taste really, REALLY good! Like, beyond this world good!"

"Oh _no_…" mourned Vanille, still regarding the bottle, "maybe I didn't make it right? I was so sure I made it _exactly_ like I did last time… Ohh _what_ could've gone wrong…?"

"Why don't you try it and see for yourself if you made it right or not…" He looked shifty, to which Fang raised an eyebrow at. "You know, since you claim it's supposed to be so good and all…"

While the two of them kept going back and forth, Fang decided to try the offending drink and see if she could spot what went wrong. The moment the glass touched her lips, she began anticipating a terrible taste, but upon actually _tasting _it, she nearly dropped the cup.

Her tongue and throat and heart and body were suddenly caught between a pain and press. The coldness in her veins came back; a cold, hungry vision possessed the buds of her tongue, trickled down. It was vanilla, at first, but slowly it grew into the shape and taste of rainfall in the dusk with lightning and wildflowers. Aching and longing joined the tastes so tangible, adding a visceral quality to everything.

She knew, now, what Lightning _wanted. _Fang kept with extreme difficulty from leaving the kitchen and going to demand that Light take her already. They weren't going back home any time soon—she had no excuses anymore.

"But that's the thing," Vanille went on, her voice intruding Fang's ears, "it's not _supposed_ to taste the same as when you tried it a long time ago! Didn't yours taste like vanilla at all?"

Val was scowling at her as though she was spewing nonsense he did not want to hear, "…no."

"Well what did it taste like…?"

"Like crap," he offered sourly.

Serah's face still hadn't changed while she spoke from behind her hand, "No offense Vanille, but it tasted like fish rotting in snow."

"You serious?" asked Val; Vanille was shocked. "Mine tasted like some old person's diaper who had a bad case of diarrhea—"

At that, Fang finally cracked up laughing. Maybe the tea only worked properly with women who were in love with one another, or maybe she was right that Val was not meant for her sister. Perhaps Snow and Serah's passion for one another was equitable to that of a dead fish in the snow. Whatever the case, she'd known all along that what she felt for Lightning was not _normal _in any sense of the word.

It was above anything anyone she knew had ever experienced. She had honestly felt isolated around them because of this, thinking that maybe she felt too much. But now she knew that was complete nonsense.

And then in came Lightning, joining Serah and the others in their strange staring at her. Fang was barely able to articulate to Light that she take her sister's glass and taste the tea. Serah was all too happy to donate her drink to the cause, and Fang was laughing even harder at the _crimson _flush of Light's face and neck once she tasted it. They both set their glasses down, knowing quite well what the other had tasted in just one sip.

In an echo of laughter, Fang steered poor Lightning from the kitchen and back to their room, ignoring the far-off sounds of retching from the other bathrooms about the apartment. But upon closing and locking their door, Fang stopped laughing immediately. She regarded Light standing by the lit table lamp on the desk, looking at her backpack on the table. Soon after, she grew bored with her backpack and swiftly made her way to the bathroom, and did not shut the door or turn on the light while she stayed inside.

Of course, Fang followed her, an honest expression of curious concern on her face. She was surprised when she stepped along the large wool rug, saw the candles lit on the spacious counter. They warmed her face considerably, but not more so than the sight of Lightning's bare back bathing in the glow. She still wore her jeans, lighting a stick of chocolate incense, not noticing Fang's approach in the mirror. For all she knew, Light sensed her there; sensed the mountain of anticipation she was mounting over and over with every one of her movements while she focused on her task.

Upon reaching her, standing behind her, against her, Fang felt Light reach back and guide her hands and arms about her waist. In amusement, Fang's eyes narrowed a tick, and she kept her chin along the muscled curve of the shoulder that was glistening in half-shadow, half-candle glow.

"Mmm, so _this_ is what you were up to on your little _walk_ earlier," she surmised, softly, watching Lightning open a scarlet and golden wrapper of milk chocolate. The hum of agreement she heard rang gently in her ears amid the wrappings. "The candles, the incense, the chocolate…" She smiled when she noticed the red there on the counter, "the roses…ain't this a little cliché, even for you?"

"I can return everything, if you want," she replied quietly, breaking off a piece of chocolate and feeding it to her. Fang wanted her to do no such thing, especially when she tasted what Light held between her fingers in her mouth, when she _tasted_…her fingers, really. "I was saving it for when we got back home, but…it looks like that's not happening any time soon. Then again…"

Lightning turned in her arms, letting out a small chuckle when Fang's eyes unabashedly went right to her chest. She received more chocolate for her wandering eyes, more time to lightly suck the tips of her digits; more innuendo to work with as she was steadily given more long, chocolate-rose-candle-kissed skin to taste.

She kept speaking, gently feeding her more that Fang was all too obliged, and eager to take in, "I always feel at home when you're with me…" Lightning removed her hand, fed her more chocolate; slowly moved her other hand down, removed Fang's belt, "I should've done this sooner…"

She swallowed, felt her eyes flutter closed when wet nails glossed down her face, before the hand moved with the other to venerate her body as they should have—to remove her sari with that veneration, while whispering along her sinewy shoulder, "I've never undressed you before…have I?" Fang shook her head no…no, she had not… "I've been holding back. I knew, seeing you like this, letting me have control over you… I knew this would happen. I _know_ you want this from me…"

As soon as she felt her silk relieve itself from her, down her body, her torso curled a curvature as steep as the rasping cry from her throat upon feeling those shallow nails rake her shoulder blades; rip her halter top from her so deliciously. Lightning dove forward and gave her mouth the same treatment she had given her sari that now pooled about her bare feet. As soft and sudden as the re-acquaintance of her dark hair along her back described the care in Light's lips and tongue.

And Lightning was taking her time, pressing her fingertips down the body she held so close to her, so _possessively_. Fang was a resplendent bouquet of breathy hitching and anxiety when Light's hands connected down the small of her back, making a V-shape as they went; when those fingers grabbed her ass on the way to grabbing the thin black fabric there, ripping it apart and out of the way.

When she began whispering provocatively down her throat, guiding her backwards to the wall of the still-running shower, her ruined clothes was quite honestly the last thing on her mind, "Don't you dare think about tomorrow… Just think of me, us; here…I'm _here," _Fang's backside met cold linoleum; her lips grew cold from the absence of Light's, "so get on your knees, _right_ now."

A shiver showed itself, wracked her spine on its way down, exactly like she wanted Light to _do _to her, "Now _that's_ what I like t'hear from you…" She took one last breath of warm vestiges of chocolate through her mouth, smelling the same through her nose while she regarded Lightning with a small smirk; and like a snake descending, she did as she was told. "You keep this up, y'hear me?"

She smoothed her hands down that strong, almost-curve-free body as she went, savoring the dominance Lightning held over her with her looming posture alone, "…I'll do as you say, as much as you want… I'll do _anything._" Her knees met the rug, her back stayed against the wall while she breathed in the fabric, the protruding closure of black jeans, "I'm all yours…so be sure and treat me that way."

Lightning eased a hiss from between her teeth, between licking her lips; between Fang rubbing her thigh with one hand, carefully unbuttoning and unzipping her with the other, "And what…_way_…is that?"

"Any way you want me…" Fang tilted her head into the tender touch of Lightning's hand, "besides…you know how I like it. Don't hold back with me… I trust you, Light…with everything I am."

There was a slight bend to Light's body while she kept all ten fingers laced in Fang's hair, through the soft cream flickering sheen there. She was trying to watch, to see if this was _really_ happening. Fang was too blown away by the capitulation coursing so softly and strongly in her being to question anything.

And then the jeans were off, were down; away. The smirk on her face grew once she saw how much she had made _Light _do the same, but not completely; not yet. She was a fun challenge, Lightning.


	18. wuthering heights

_Fang's Theme – FFXIII Piano Collections_

_**xviii. **__wuthering heights_

As fiercely sudden and strong as lightning striking a tree was Fang woken a few pitiful hours later, at midnight, after having finally dozed off. A body ruptured her own as it removed itself from her, sent the duvet flying over her head as a figure rushed into the restroom. Panicked and annoyed, Fang shot her head from underneath the fabric, about to shout some form of a question at Lightning in the restroom, but her attention was directed to the door of their room instead.

There stood the Lieutenant General, leaning on the doorframe, a displeased scowl on her face and a polite hand over her eyes. Fang's panic and irritation gave shape to sheer confusion and shock—she obviously wasn't wearing anything, and she certainly looked like she'd had a night of release. She sat there wondering what the hell to do—her clothes were still ripped, ruined.

And then came Lightning weightlessly storming back in, throwing the flowing black garb at her she'd worn to Bartholomew's funeral. She left the room with her superior, appearing calmly distraught, and went down the hall with her to the living room.

Not long after she put on her garb and sandals did she leave the room, only to be hit by a whirlwind of strawberry blonde and fuchsia lips that kissed her feverishly; pinned her against the wall. The suddenness was inviting, stimulating; confusing. Fang let out a deep growl, wanting to demand what was going on, pushing Lightning away with a short jerk.

"The hell's goin' on?" she admonished, "I thought you said you weren't leavin' til tomorrow morning?"

Lightning's reply was gruff while she adjusted the straps of her backpack, "It _is_ tomorrow morning. Yesterday's tomorrow, anyway." Again with that same loophole.

"Okay, fine," Fang put her hands on her hips, leaning in purposefully, "so what's with the attitude? I ain't done nothin' to you!"

"Damnit…" She grunted in dismissal, "Take care of Hope; I have to go—" Light tried to leave abruptly, clearly not expecting Fang to latch onto her arm and spin her back round. The weight of her backpack and hidden indecision had her tottering, and pressed against Fang once more. "…you're not making this easy," came a soft complaint, glossing against the side of her face and her ear.

Fang held her close, sighing while she shook her head, "This ain't no easy situation, sweetheart…"

"Uhm…" And of course, a timely interruption. Fang and Light both looked over at Val standing some paces away, appearing thoroughly displaced, "My dad wants to speak with you both… She's in the living room with the others."

He walked away before either woman could inquire about what he'd actually said. They only went after him as instructed, hand in hand, soon making their way to the lit room. Snow could not look at them as they entered—he was busy rubbing the back of his head. Serah was standing next to him, appearing focused on something very interesting on the floor just underneath her. Hope was thoroughly lost, as was Vanille as they stood next to Val, looking at up at his father.

The General nodded to Lightning and Fang as they entered—Light gave her superior a salute, still holding Fang's hand. Chanel cleared her throat, "Well. As I understand it, Captain, Hope here is under your care. Fang's as well. You failed to relay this to me when we last spoke." Light only lowered her head a moment. She went on, "No harm done. But it would seem that he'd like Fang to come along this time." Fang and Lightning both perked up in their respective ways. "He wants to learn how to get by on his own for a bit. I see nothing wrong with it."

Light was surprised, "Hope…" He looked at her bashfully. "Is that true?"

"Y-Yeah… I'll be fine on my own…Serah has school next week and Val has to go back to work, so I figured everyone would be gone by then anyway. Who knows…maybe Fang can help you out. She sort of used to be part of the Cavalry…"

"Sort of, yeah," nodded Fang. Light's hand in hers had grown awfully firm. She looked at Vanille, "If I do go, someone has to promise she'll keep tabs on Hope and visit every so often. You catch me?"

Vanille looked a little unsure, "I promise, yes…of course…"

"So it's settled," concluded the General before Fang could comment on her sister's incongruity. "The _Lindblum _is just outside. I'll give you ten minutes to say your goodbyes."

She left the room, finding her way back to the front door, with Val timorously at her strutting heels. Fang watched them go, unable to comprehend how Light's superior had had a son so divergent from her in many ways. She took a moment to notice Lightning had let go of her hand, and was hugging Serah, speaking quietly to her and Snow. She wondered how many more times she'd see this very scene in the future.

Fang went over to Hope and Vanille, raising an eyebrow at their dodgy behavior, "Right…so, what's up with you lot? Is there somethin' goin' on I need to know about?"

"We miss you already," tried Vanille. Fang softened immediately and embraced her sister, but she was still suspicious. "But it's for the best…I didn't like seeing you so sad last time."

"I was being stupid. Let my emotions get the best of me." She looked down at Hope regarding the floor, "Come here, you…" Fang held Vanille and Hope in her arms, smiling gently. "You didn't have to do this… I was gettin' all prepared for her to be gone, too."

Hope shrugged, "It's like she said, it's for the best. Just promise you and Light'll keep in touch."

"Yeah, no worries there. We will."

Aboard the cruiser airship in their dark room stood Fang by the door, arms crossed while she watched Lightning morosely sitting on the bed, facing away from her. When they had boarded the ship, Fang had been in easy conversation with Rygdea and the others, all the while wondering why Light was standing stubbornly in a corner by herself. When it came down to it, Fang knew she would go back home if that was what Lightning wanted. She didn't need to say a word—Light was evidently torn.

With an inaudible sigh, Fang decided to leave her alone. It was nearing one in the morning and she was admittedly still shaken from having been woken so suddenly. She wandered down the silver halls of the ship, feeling rather empty. Problems were problems and they were going to keep coming up. Lightning would handle them one way, Fang another. Her way of dealing with this one was not dwelling on anything, keeping her mind on her immediate surroundings.

Soon enough she found the Lieutenant General again, alone and near a window at the end of the hall.

"General?" Fang approached her casually, joining her in looking down through the glass as they passed over a body of water. "You all right?"

"That remains to be said."

"Does it have anything to do with Val? Your…son?"

The General shrugged, "He wanted to come along, but I told him no. He'd already been playing hooky to spend time with you all, namely his girlfriend. He needs to be taking care of his mother while I'm gone." She began fidgeting with her wedding ring, changing the subject completely, "I find it curious that Hope thinks you can help on this operation. He sounded so sure of himself."

"If I can be of any help, then sure, I'd be honored. Beats sittin' around, that's for sure." She recalled the information Lightning gave her about the mission. Fang didn't exactly know anyone in Eden who could help. "There anything you have in mind?"

"No, not unless you're into assassination."

"You really mean that? You'd offer me that task, if I was up for it?"

"…temporarily, yes, because I'd really rather find someone else. The Captain wouldn't take too well to you being hired for this. I wouldn't either."

Fang finally regarded her. She appeared the same as ever, if not a little tired. "Why wouldn't you want me to? We hardly know each other."

"There's always guilt to be had when delegating. I may seem to have all the decisiveness in the world, but that doesn't mean I don't care about what might happen. If you fail, Jihl will punish you severely. She's changed for the worse."

"Well it's either you have me do it, or risk someone else messin' up the job. I'm willing—don't ask me why. It's got nothin' to do with me being bored otherwise." Fang thought back to the story Vanille had told her about her first trip to Nautilus with Sazh, and the Lieutenant Colonel's involvement. Despite those events leading up to their reunion on the _Palamecia, _there were still loose ends to tie up with Nabaat. "I'll be good and wait, see if y'can't find a pro for the job. Worse comes to worst, then you've got me. We'll keep this under wraps, yeah?"

"Agreed." She surveyed her a moment. "Do you have any kind of weapon on you? Something concealable? She's expecting to be gunned down by a sniper any day now."

"I do, actually," Fang raised her left foot, pointing to her sandal, "I keep a nice knife strapped to my ankle at all times. It's real neat—a stranger sent it to me, for Valentine's Day last year."

"You mean a survival knife? Who sends someone a weapon for _that _occasion? You're kidding me… Either way, that might do the trick. It's pushing it, but we'll see."

General Delacour laughed softly as she left, waving her goodbye over her shoulder. Fang was a little perplexed while she watched her go, soon bending down to retrieve the blue knife from inside her sandal. She opened the weapon, watching it glint in the small bit of light coming from the window.

_Yeah, then while we were in the Gapra Whitewood, Light gave me this blue knife of hers. I could tell it was really important to her, and that made it important to me. I felt special, like she trusted me a lot._

Her heart warmed and cracked in the same motion, as did her expression while she smirked gently.

Atop the deck of the _Lindblum _stood Lightning several nights later. She knew something was going on. Fang was never anywhere to be seen for more than a few minutes at a time as of late. But for all she knew, it was probably to give her space—Fang wasn't daft. It was understood between them that her accompaniment was still completely unexpected. Not necessarily intrusive, but Light knew she needed to grow accustomed to being away from Fang for certain periods of time.

She looked down as the momentum's breeze nipped at her, watching as the ship slowly hovered over what appeared to be the Sunleth Waterscape. They weren't to remain in Eden for terribly long. The more sporadic their appearances, the better. The Wide-area Response Brigade was still in charge of keeping aerial watch over Cocoon, despite their clandestine mission. It made their search for a client rather difficult, but such was the nature of the operation.

And all of her ill thoughts vanished, replaced with the shape of arms about her waist, with soft breathing in her ear, "Hey there, stranger…" Lightning turned in her arms, taking her time with her hands as they tactfully smoothed along Fang's body, her black clothing. The color suited her dark hinting; the glint in her eyes. "You all right?" Lightning nodded her reply, deeply interested in Fang's necklaces while she toyed with them lightly. "Looks like you got some time off on your hands, since we're not in Eden. We should take advantage of it, have you loosen up some."

"How?" Light looked up from her jewelry, watching that glinting grow darker and darker under the night skies. "There's not much to do here." The way the wind eased Fang's locks about her face seemed to suggest otherwise. "Or did you have something in mind?"

"Mmm, yeah actually, I do." Fang laced their fingers together, keeping her other hand on Light's face of soft scrutiny. "I'll show you, but only on one condition!"

Lightning was leering now, "And what _condition_ is that?"

"The condition, that you trust your heart—trust it as much as you trust me, right now." The warmth between them, of shared body temperatures, soared far above the height of the airship in the sky when Fang gave a smile that reached far past her eyes; when she moved her face closer—started making Light walk backwards, "I love you, Lightning—you _know _I do…" Fang only brushed their lips together before moving to run at Light's side, laughing loud and long, "Now let's GO!"

And amid that same laughter and loud cheering from Fang, they had jumped ship, on their way to landing in the Sunleth Waterscape. The unexpectedness and abruptness and sudden drop caused a rush between Lightning's legs, one so steep it threatened to head right up to her throat in its serration. Fang was having the time of her life, like it was her first time, like it was her last time. Lightning couldn't yell at her or scold her—not when there was a near child-like excitement in that beautiful face so exposed to the friction of the night wind.

Free-falling so high in the air with Fang—she no longer had any worries. While she used centrifugal momentum to her advantage and moved on top of Fang to hold her close, she wasn't thinking about the consequences of anything. She kissed her with the vigor of the ignorant, the vitality of the carefree. She'd never felt so much and so little before, feeling the saliency of the hum of Fang's moans and throaty laughter drive them further and further away from everyone, everything.

It was entrancing, how different Fang was from her, how she never failed to surprise her when she was only being herself. Those differences made Lightning savor the way her garb felt against her exposed skin, how adventurous those hands were on her body at such great heights. It made her smile, even laugh a little whenever she felt a moist serpentine silk against her own as she felt their orientation change again and again; spinning and weaving into the other, as it were as they neared and neared their rainy destination of a rocky cliff.

At just the right time, Lightning was underneath Fang, sober enough to snap her fingers with her Grav-con Unit, helping them land weightlessly in a field of gravity, of mauve, of pouring rain under the stars and occasional soaring wyvern. Their mouths refused to break contact, to allow free breathing.

They stayed there for a long while, never stopping, both of the mind that they needed more comfort if they were to take things further, again. Every sound Fang made was a reminder that the comfort of a hotel in Nautilus was only a boat ride away.


End file.
